As we mentioned over the weekend, the Washington Nationals’ brass were all in California, ostensibly to convince Stephen Strasburg to sign before the deadline of midnight tonight. But the weekend came and went without a deal, and the odds are awfully low that Strasburg’s a member of the Nats by the time the clock strikes 12.
(”And that’s why I think we’re dealing with the baseball equivalent of Satan here.” “Well said, my friend.”)
That fact wasn’t lost on the Nationals’ in-house announcers last night as they called the Washington-Cincinnati game, a 5-4 rally win for the Nats. While watching their team fight with another bottom-feeder in a game of absolutely no relevance, the broadcast team lit into Strasburg and agent Scott Boras with a jarring fury.
Recall, if you will, the Nationals’ decision to draft superprospect Stephen Strasburg with their first pick, knowing full well the inherent difficulty they’d encounter trying to sign him. Strasburg’s reportedly good enough to be a top-level starter now, and his agent (notorious inflationist Scott Boras) is willing to do anything to keep him out of the small-market cellar that is Washington.
(Strasburg, seen here not pitching for Washington.)
Thus, Boras reportedly attached a $50 million price tag to Strasburg, nearly $40 million more than the previous record for rookie contracts, and thus began the awkward dance between the Nationals and Strasburg. We up to speed? Good. The Nats have kept all negotiations out of the press, which is only wise when it ends up in Strasburg signing a contract. And now, with the deadline looming just a few short days away, it seems that owner Ted Lerner may - may - be getting closer to sealing the deal. Maybe.
Hey, it’s early August, so it’s that time of year to get really fired up about football and be let down again and again by the abyss of suck that is the preseason. The Hall of Fame Game was last night, and it was billed as Terrell Owens‘ big debut for the Bills against the Titans. It’s exciting and all since it’s football, but it’s lame because even before halftime you’re watching guys that even the UFL would reject. Owens was fine in limited action, and both teams only used their starters briefly. By the end of it, guys like Gibran Hamdan and Alex Mortensen (both of whom I think I just made up) were playing quarterback. There was even a Patrick Ramsey sighting.
(I don’t even know who I am)
This particular rivalry is well-known for the “Music City Miracle” back in 2000, and Tennessee pulled another fast one on Buffalo in last night’s games — though the stakes were just slightly smaller. It all started when Titans punter AJ Trapasso took a long snap, and then pulled off one of the best fakes I’ve ever seen:
It’s too bad they can never run that again, since every team has now seen it. Well, except for the Raiders, who I’m sure haven’t figured out this whole “videotape” concept yet.
And how about the jerseys? Both are old AFL teams and were wearing throwbacks that will be brought out periodically during the season. Though for the Titans, the oil derrick image has some uncomfortable connotations. While the Oilers certainly had their moments of success, to the younger generation the logo serves as a reminder of the team’s ugly divorce from Houston (when a couple of thousand people would show up to see the lame duck team during their last year), and their odd welcome in Tennessee (when they played a season in Memphis, wearing the Houston unis and not exactly packing in the fans). When the team switched looks (and the nickname), things started to head the right direction and the Titans have been one of the better teams in the regular season over the last decade.
It’s officially the time in the baseball season when things start getting weird. The Red Sox were held scoreless for 31 innings by the Yankees over the weekend before finally breaking through with a go-ahead homer in the eighth inning last night by trade deadline prize Victor Martinez. But even that wasn’t enough, as Johnny Damon and Mark Teixeira went back-to-back in the bottom of the inning to finish off a 5-2 Yankee victory and a four-game sweep of the suddenly hapless Sox.
The Yanks now lead the AL East by 6 1/2 games with roughly 50 to play. Boston, meanwhile, has allowed half of the AL to creep back into the wild card picture. The Rangers are now tied for the lead with the Rays lurking just a game and a half back. Heck, Seattle, a team that traded away Jarrod Washburn and his sub-3.00 ERA, is only 4 1/2 out and have re-appeared as a contender.
But nothing is as odd as what’s going on in the District. The Nats, a team left for dead in early April, have now won eight games in a row after beating the D’Backs yesterday. Quite an accomplishment for a team that only won 32 of its first 104 games. In fact, it’s the third-longest run ever for a team that started a streak at least 40 games under .500.
By comparison, White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen’s threats to start throwing at every hitter in the AL in retaliation for the Indians plunking three of his players in Saturday’s game between the two teams seems downright mundane.
• So you know that guy the Raiders drafted first that everyone says they were totally crazy to pick that high? You’re not going to believe this, but it seems as if he’s not really very good. Like, the Niners are still glad they took Crabtree over this guy.
• WAG extraordinaire Colleen Rooney (wife of England soccer player Wayne Rooney) talks about her daily beauty routine in the DAILY MIRROR. She’s not really big on waking up with “panda eyes.”
You might think that there’s absolutely no reason to ever go to a Washington Nationals game unless you lose a bet or need to hide from someone of discerning taste. And normally, you’d be exactly right.
(Can I get a ruling on “Louisviolin Slugger”? Judges?)
But these are not normal times in Washington, even notwithstanding the new President changing everything or whatever. The Nationals have won eight straight games, which is enough to put them right back in the thick of the NL East race at 40-72, only 23 games out of first place (cough). If they win 49 of their next 50 games, why, who knows how far they’ll go.
There’s something about the name Morgan that just brings out the crazy in professional baseball — not that that’s a bad thing, necessarily. Know why Nyjer Morgan was happy about going from the Pirates to the Nationals? He likes the color red.
(Washington Nationals socks uniformity Fail)
As you can see in the photo above (Morgan is on the right), he likes red the way that a certain Almighty Creator archfiend likes red. And if that seems like an odd way to think, I present you with the receptionist who wins your NCAA office basketball pool every year by picking teams based on uniform color.
Recall, if you will, the shame with which Jose Rijo resigned his post with the Washington Nationals just months ago. His Dominican Republic baseball academy collapsed amid allegations of skimming money from prospects’ contracts and a $1.4 million contract given to a player with a forged identity. Three word, summary: It. was. bad.
(”And the funny thing about it is, I don’t even speak a word of Dominican. I’m not even sure that’s a language. You don’t suppose that’ll come back to haunt me, do you?”)
But to say Rijo has rebounded is an exercise in understatement: He’s back down in the Dominican Republic and putting together what might be a career in politics. And lo and behold, his competition’s another familiar face.
If Vegas actually had a betting line on Pete Rose making it into the Baseball Hall of Fame, it would have probably been taken off the board for “suspicious activity” after the events of the last few days. The odds improved significantly when Henry Aaron - a close friend of Commissioner Bud Selig - mentioned to reporters that he’d like to see Rose in the Hall of Fame, leading to a report by the NEW YORK DAILY NEWS that Selig was “seriously considering” lifting Rose’s lifetime ban.
But if ESPN is correct, betting on seeing Rose anywhere in Cooperstown other than selling autographs at a card table might be a sucker bet. Their sources are saying that Selig is not considering reinstating Rose, leaving him to be happy with his place in the Soup Bowl Haircut Hall of Fame (alongside sartorial luminaries as Moe Howard, Chairman Mao and Jim Carrey from “Dumb and Dumber”).
Personally, I could care less one way or the other - at this point, the only way Rose actually makes it into the Hall of Fame is through the Veterans Committee, and they are chock full of grumpy old men who would keep people out of the Hall of Fame for not wearing suits and hats on their train rides during road trips, much less betting on baseball. The only person I feel sorry for is Ray Fosse, as he has to deal with a new round of awkward questions about Rose turning him into a tackling dummy and ruining his career.
All of which Rose finds pretty funny, I guess:
And speaking of “suspicious activity,” I guess you can go ahead and add The Big Security Threat to Shaquille O’Neal’s list of monikers. While appearing on “The Mike Wise Show” a few days ago to promote his stint tonight on WWE Raw, he asked the hosts if they thought he could get into the White House and meet President Barack Obamaif he dropped in unannounced. DC SPORTS BOG has the answer, and it’s a resounding “No.”
Shaq actually tried it yesterday, as part of a bet (1,000 push-ups) with one of his handlers. While the guys at the front gate were “nice,” they weren’t going to let Shaq act like this is a Tonight Show episode from 1982, and he’s Bob Hope interrupting an interview between Johnny Carson and an 82-year-old shoe collector to do a walk-through on the way to his latest special. Between the economy, the Middle East and studying the White Sox roster to find Walt Weiss, President Obama might have better things to do.
As far as Raw is Shaq went: he hung out with a leprechaun:
So yeah, I can’t imagine why they wouldn’t want him hanging around the Oval Office.
Finally, Jim Bunning might be a Hall of Fame pitcher, but it turns out that the Republican Party has no problem pulling him early and telling him to hit the showers. The WASHINGTON POST says that the Senator from Kentucky is bowing to pressure within his own party and will not run for re-election in 2010, a political fall from grace that would have been almost unthinkable a few years ago.
So what happens to the 77-year-old Bunning? Perhaps a seat on the Veterans Committee - or at least a table at a card show next to Pete Rose.
Other sports news that happened while you were accidentally shooting three people with your brand-new Taser gun.
If the Washington Nationals were looking to enhance the trade value of Josh Willingham, they just received the Mother Lode of all gifts last night. He became the 13th player in MLB history to hit two grand slams in one game in the Nats’ 14-6 rout of the Brewers. To put this into perspective, Willingham had 14 home runs this season - 12 solo shots, and 31 RBI. So the real story here is that the Nationals actually loaded the bases twice in one game.
Speaking of grand slams: Alfonso Soriano’swalk-off slam in the 13th inning gave the Cubs a 5-1 win over the Astros. Meanwhile, Matt Holliday had an RBI double in his home debut with St. Louis and Brendan Ryan had four hits as the Cardinals stayed a half-game back in the NL Central with a 6-1 win over Los Angeles.
Police feel they are making a break in the case of former Memphis Grizzlies player Antonio Burke, who was shot in the leg and abdomen during a robbery of a dice game at his house on July 20 - they’ve arrested a 16-year-old as an accessory after the fact in the shooting.
And it’s one, two, three punches and you’re knocked unconscious at the old ball game! At least it was in Irvine, CA as a baseball game turned rowdy, with a steal attempt turning into a brawl that left four people taken the hospital and two people arrested.
Here’s what you need to know about Jerry Byrd Jr., a high school football coach in Shreveport, LA: he came to the Superior Bar and Grill to do two things - drink some beers and get arrested for disorderly conduct. And he’s been cut off from having more beers.
If you’re young son is a budding tennis prodigy and you’re looking for a tennis academy for him, here’s a good rule of thumb: if the coach says he’ll need nude pictures of your kid for his computer records, you might want to look elsewhere.
BALL DON’T LIE points out that nothing says “I love you” likeStephon Marbury Valentine’s Day cards. For that special, totally insane person in your life.
You might remember Caleb Campbell as the former West Point football stand-out whose shot at the NFL was taken away from him when the Army backed out on a deal. Now he’s getting his second shot at athletic glory - this time as a potential Olympic bobsledder.
Once upon a time, the world got its news and information from large bundles of paper called “news-papers.” As I understand it, these “news-papers” contained all the previous day’s news as well as things like editorial commentary, Ann Landers columns, and Marmaduke. That’s right - you had to wait an entire day to learn what happened in the world. Hard to believe, isn’t it?
What’s even crazier is that some of these “news-papers” are still printed today, it’s true! But today’s papers, like the WASHINGTON POST, aren’t the same old boring rags that your grandparents (and, like, older brother) used to read. No, they’re hip and cool and relevant, just like you! For instance, take this Twitter thing they keep hearing so much about. The POST is, like, totally down with it, man! And to prove it, they’re going to…use the social media service wisely to reclaim lost market share and regain profitability? Ha ha just kidding, they’re printing random idiots’ Tweets about the Nationals.
