Speed Read: Wait - WSU Cougar RB Almost Died?

It’s not often that injury news takes us completely aback, but that’s absolutely the case over in Pullman tonight. One slightly mentioned aspect of last weekend’s game pitting Washington State against Southern Methodist was WSU’s tailback, James Montgomery, suffering an apparent knee injury. Not that those aren’t serious, but, y’know… they happen.

James Montgomery WSU

But one thing that doesn’t usually happen is a potentially fatal injury that nobody recognizes immediately. That’s what apparently befell Montgomery during the game; after the game, he reported increasing discomfort with the knee, and went in for surgery on Sunday morning. It probably saved his life.

Read more…

MTV’s “The Real World” Invades Capitals’ Practice

The Washington Capitals, despite not even making the Stanley Cup finals last season, are probably one of the two or three “hottest” teams in the NHL. And hey, with a player like Alex Ovechkin leading the charge, why not? The Caps don’t have the tradition of the Original Six by any stretch, but they’ve assimilated themselves into the current NHL about as well as any expansion team from the last 35 years.

Ty Capitals Real World
(Let’s just get this over with, pal.)

Case in point: even MTV’s getting in on the Caps’ high Q rating. To that end, the cast of The Real World, which is a much better name for a show than Hysterical Self-Centered Alcoholics On Camera, now includes an intern with the team. And oh yes, there’s plenty of bleeding through between the two. Did we say bleeding? We mean synergy!

Read more…

Rick Pitino Pays Woman $3,000 To Have Abortion

Rick Pitino paid $3,000 to escape the possibility of parenthood with the woman accused of extorting him. Will Louisville keep Rick in the Cards?

Rick Pitino Pat Forde Karen Sypher

• No wonder Reggie Miller has been so smitten with Ali Kay - she’s quite the fashion designer.

• The Pittsburgh Steelers show their own version of the shotgun formation.

• Kids at a Virginia basketball camp learn that Michael Vick is a wholesome, blameless creature.

• Whoever took it, please give Baron Davis’ laptop back - he has some “private images” he’d like to keep private.

Read more…

Caps Goalie Thinks American Women Are Too Fat

Recall that a couple days ago, we brought you the story of Alex Ovechkin and his voracious sexual desires. Ovechkin, a Russian, voiced his preference for women from his home country thusly: “There are pretty girls there (in the U.S.) … but Russians are Russians.” Political, yes, but cryptic.

Semyon Varlamov and Dasha
(Oh, she’ll do. We guess.)

Fortunately, fellow Capital Semyon Varlamov shares Ovechkin’s tastes - and without the predilection toward being polite about his home fans. Russian women are pretty, but these Americans, maybe they’d be pretty if they weren’t such fat-sucking slob-ass pigs!

Read more…

Who Wants To Sex Ovechkin… All Day? (w/ Video)

Alex Ovechkin is not a pretty man. He knows this, having the luxury of waking up every morning and seeing his busted set of teeth in the mirror every day.  He even told a Russian television station that he didn’t have a face for ads recently, according to PUCK DADDY.

Alex Ovechkin and one lucky lady
(Fortunately, a $124 million contract is real effing handsome.)

As the video of the interview reveals, though, Ovechkin evidently has no problem finding a willing partner for sexual congress. As a matter of fact, he rather prefers it as a pre-game ritual. And, um, post-game. God, his teammates must feel awkward.

Read more…

NHL Really Starting To Dig These Outdoor Games

One of the coolest sports innovations of the last few years has been the NHL’s Outdoor Classic, a hockey game held outside in the dead of winter. January 1, to be exact. As a matter of fact, if there were any problems with this year’s Wrigley Field tilt between Chicago and Detroit, it’s that, well, it was just the one game.

NHL Winter Classic
(If you seriously must be outdoors and this far north on New Year’s Day, this is probably the best way to spend your time.)

The NHL has realized the popularity of what it has created, thankfully. As ESPN.COM reports, with designs on reappropriating New Year’s Day for hockey instead of college football, the league may be expanding the spectacle to multiple citiesRead more…

Adriana Lima Blessed With Child, Thanks to Marko

• Not only did Memphis Grizzly Marko Jaric get to marry Victoria’s Secret supermodel Adriana Lima, he also got to impregnate her.

Adriana Lima married

(Now that’s what you call one hot mama!)

• Girl Next Door Kendra Wilkinson & Eagles WR Hank Baskett spend their Memorial Day weekend foolin’ around in the pool with Holly Madison.

Jocelyne & Monique Lamoureux, a pair of hockey-skating sisters, are bringing their game & good looks back to North Dakota.

• The Orlando Magic aren’t sticking to the script of a LeBron-Kobe finals.

• A recently arrested Florida steroids dealer claims that some Washington Capitals & Washington Nationals are among his customers.

Read more…

Steroids Dealer Claims Caps, Nats As Customers

Members of the Washington Capitals and Washington Nationals (among others) have been implicated as steroid buyers by the self-styled steroid king of central Florida after his arrest yesterday for anabolic steroids sales. According to Polk County (Florida) police, Richard Thomas exhibited bouts of grandeur and paranoia while telling police of his exploits.

Richard Thomas bust money shot

Richard and his wife Sandra supposedly brought in steroids from all over the world to their Lakeland, Florida, haven and then distributed them to athletes from multiple sports (football, baseball, and hockey). For reasons unknown, Thomas dropped the names of only two franchises - the Caps & Nats - while refusing to name any customers.

Read more…

Speed Read: Cardiac Canes Will Break Your Heart

As evidenced by Wednesday night’s Pittsburgh Penguins’ romp over the Washington Capitals, not every Game 7 in hockey is something special. But let’s face it - most of them are. And when you throw overtime into the mix? It’s about as good as it gets. It’s drama that you cannot turn away from - at any second, the game and the series could be over with one thunderbolt.

Carolina Hurricanes

So it was that the Carolina Hurricanes and Boston Bruins skated at the end of the first overtime in their Game 7 in Boston, looking for all the world like they were going to a second extra period - or more. And then out of nowhere, a shot was flipped towards the net, Bruins goaltender Tim Thomas was unable to control the rebound, and winger Scott Walker pounced to put the puck in the net for his first career playoff goal to end the game 3-2 and the series.

Boston Bruins

And the fact that it was Walker who scored the series-winner had to hurt Bruins fans doubly, since he was the person who sucker punched Bruins defenseman Aaron Ward near the end of Game 5. According to NHL rules, Ward should have been suspended for Game 6, but the league rescinded the suspension after a hearing on Monday. So he went from almost breaking Ward’s face to definitely breaking the Bruins’ hearts.

(Of course, even though it was a Game 7 overtime winner, it arguably wasn’t as impressive or as cold-blooded as how the Hurricanes scored two late goals to send the New Jersey Devils packing in Game 7 of their first-round series. If I’m the Penguins in the Eastern Conference finals, I’m doing everything I can to close them out early.)

Red Wings versus Ducks

The Detroit Red Wings’ Game 7 victory over the Anaheim Ducks didn’t go to overtime, but it sure had its share of drama. Detroit went up two goals early, only to see Anaheim claw back to level the score at 3-3. But Dan Cleary scored with three minutes to go to give the Red Wings the go-ahead goal and Detroit’s defense was able to make it stick, setting up a Western Conference Finals match-up with the Chicago Blackhawks.

Dwight Howard

Oh, you say that you prefer NBA Game 7s? Well, you’ll have your chance for satisfaction soon enough, as two teams fought off elimination to earn one deciding game. In Orlando, the subtle message that Dwight Howard sent to Orlando Magic coach Stan Van Gundy through the media (i.e. “quit being an idiot and get me the ball”) must have sunk in, as Howard had 23 points and 22 rebounds and the Magic forced a return trip to Boston with an 83-75 victory over the Celtics. None of which apparently excited Orlando fans to show up, as there were “patches of empty seats early in the game.”

Kobe Bryant

No wonder Commissioner David Stern was at the Lakers vs. Rockets game. And speaking of late-arriving - someone might want to tell the Lakers that Houston is in a different time zone, because they clearly aren’t showing up for games there until it’s too late. Much like in Game 4, Los Angeles put themselves in a huge hole they never could get out of, at one point closing an early 16-point deficit to two points but finally running out of steam and falling 95-80 to force a Game 7 at Staples Center. Meanwhile, the Denver Nuggets wait and rest.

Here’s some more sports news to digest while I try to figure out how to be part of “Bike To Work Day” when I work from home.

Which postseason is the most exciting?

View Results

Noah Chillaxes In Caribbean w/Half-Naked Gal Pal

• We’re quite Bullish on Joakim Noah’s bare-breasted beach bunny:

Joakim Noah topless girlfriend

• The Game 7 finale of the fantastic Penguins-Capitals series turned out to be a pretty boring blowout.

Sam Young’s burgeoning NBA career may have been screwed up by a loose screw.

• Two strokes aren’t stopping an ump trying to get back to the Big Show.

• Citi Field’s first streaker took eight years to plan out his magical run.

Read more…