Sometimes, the best scientific breakthroughs come from the unlikeliest of sources. Isaac Newton discovered gravity when he saw an apple fall. Dr. Alexander Fleming discovered penicillin when he accidentally left a petri dish open. And Einstein invented space while tripping on LSD*. But we never thought we’d see the day when Major League Baseball revolutionized the way our bodies work.

(Whoa!)

That, above, is the Yankees version of the PHITEN Aqua-Titanium necklace that plenty of players have been wearing on the field recently. You can buy it right on the MLB Shop webpage, and there are versions for other teams. As the blurb says (worth mentioning again: this is actually on the MLB website without a disclaimer), the necklace will “regulate the body’s natural electric currents through cell ionization” and “[promote] muscle relaxation, pain and stress relief, fatigue reduction, blood circulation improvement thus helping prevent injury.” That, if it were true, would be the single greatest breakthrough in medicine since forever.

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There are many reasons for and against closing the prison at Guantánamo Bay. But what concerns me most is where we will put the real traitors, like Radio Shack.

The fifth column of consumer electronics was taking part in a promotion in Mexico, offering fans voodoo dolls of US National Team players in advance of this month’s US-Mexico World Cup qualifier.

I understand that Mexico would need to turn to black magic to reverse their 9-year losing streak against us, but why does it have to be sponsored by the place I overpaid for my phone charger?

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