Danica Signing Breasts In New TV Ad - But Wait…

Danica Patrick helps sell cell phones by autographing some boobs - but not the kind of racks you really want to see.

Danica Patrick topless

Tony La Russa sues Twitter over pseudo-St. Louis manager account.

Vince Young wants a trade? No, it’s all just a wacky misunderstanding!

• The Penguins give a little extra effort in beating the Red Wings - thanks to no penalties for extra men on the ice.

• Red Sox caps - now available with the fresh scent of watermelon!

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Vince Young Doesn’t Want To Be Traded. Riiiiiight

It’s not fair to start handing out “bust” statuses to draft picks from 2006 quite yet, what with the highest draft picks still being on their rookie contract and all, but it’s safe to say that Vince Young’s career has started out in a most unsatisfactory way. Despite being the third overall pick in 2006, it seems like the highlight of his career has been, um, a sausage party.

Vince Young drunk and shirtless
(Always the capitalist, Young made sure everyone could enjoy a Vince Young Sausage Party.)

Thus, after a horrendous 2008 season that saw him get injured, then get benched, then go off the deep end for a little bit, VY’s ready to turn this thing around, telling reporters “if they’re not ready for me to play ball, then somebody is.” That, and talk of a “career change” if he’s going to remain on Tennessee’s bench, seem to be clear indications that he wants to be traded. Seems reasonable and fair, nobody likes to sit on the bench with coaches they don’t get along with, right?

WAIT WE HAVE LATE BREAKING NEWS–According to the NASHVILLE CITY PAPER, Vince Young’s agent wants you to know that none of that is true, because it’s Opposite Day or something:   Read more…

Speed Read: Devin Harris Miracle Shot Sinks 76ers

You know who had a good night on Monday? Devin Harris of the New Jersey Nets. Not only did he score 39 points, but he sunk a game-winning half court shot as time expired to lift his team to a 98-96 victory over the Philadelphia 76ers on Monday night. The entire play was about as nutty as you can get in the NBA, with Harris having his initial shot blocked before recovering to sink the game-winning basket a fraction of a second before time expired.

Devin Harris

As BLACK SPORTS ONLINE points out, Harris’ shot raised a whole host of questions: was he fouled in the act of shooting; did he travel after recovering the initial blocked shot; and did he really get the shot off before time expired.  Take a look for yourself and be the judge (and please pay attention to Violet Palmer, who emphatically waved off the shot, probably because she’s an awful referee):

As for the 76ers: as THE 700 LEVEL points out, this loss was a microcosm of their season: for the sixth time, they lost a game they were leading with ten seconds to go. So the next time you complain about a close game your team lost, keep in mind that it could be worse - you could be a 76ers fan.

If Devin Harris had a good night on Monday, then the New York Knicks’ Nate Robinson continued his great month of February. Not only did he win the NBA Slam Dunk title by (literally) leaping over Dwight Howard, but he’s been a beast on the court as well. Besides blocking Chris Bosh, Robinson has been on a scoring tear. His 41 points against the Pacers marked the fourth time in the last six game he’s scored 30 points or more, helping lead the way to a 123-119 victory.

Nate Robinson

Meanwhile, not having such a great day or month is Marvin Harrison. It’s hard to imagine the possibly second-greatest wide receiver in NFL history playing for another team than the Indianapolis Colts, but that’s the real possibility after the INDIANAPOLIS STAR reports that Harrison is all but certain to be cut by the team, barring a last-ditch effort by team owner Robert Irsay. Then again, if Jerry Rice can play for the Seahawks…

After Jerry Rice, who is the second-best receiver in NFL history?

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Mack Brown: Get Vince Young’s HOF Bust Ready

You would hope that college coaches would continue to have their former player’s backs after they leave for the NFL. (Are you paying attention, Pete Carroll?) That’s certainly the case with Texas boss Mack Brown and his former quarterback Vince Young. And for good reason: before Young came to Texas, Brown was on the hot seat as a coach who couldn’t win the big game. One National Title later, and Brown is pretty much untouchable.

Vince Young and Mack Brown

So it’s not surprising that Brown would continue to support Young even after his - let’s just say “rough” - 2008 season. But there’s “support” and then there’s “complete and utter lunacy,” which is where Brown went in an interview with NEWS 8 AUSTIN. Saying that Young’s NFL career isn’t dead? Fine. But that Young is going to be in the Hall of Fame? Yikes. When I hear “Vince Young” and “bust” in the same sentence, it usually doesn’t involve the Hall of Fame.

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Titans Cheerleader Uses Free Time To Fix Brains

As you know, we here at SbB are determined to show you dear readers that cheerleaders are more than just pretty faces on top of hot bodies jumping and gyrating inside tight little outfits. A couple of weeks ago we told you about how hard that the Chargers cheerleaders work to entertain the masses on Sunday, and today we bring you the story of a very special cheerleader.

Melissa Tennessee Titans cheerleader

Melissa spends her Sundays in front of 70,000 fans getting them pumped up to help the Tennessee Titans vanquish their foes. A classically trained ballerina, Melissa brings a little more class to her dance routines, even if she’s not performing in a tutu. Of course, being a ballerina is only one of Melissa’s many talents. If she needs to, she can also take a look at your brain and figure out why you’re such an idiot.

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Speed Read: Marbury Courtside For Knicks-Lakers

I don’t have any way of independently verifying this, but I’m going to go out on a limb and say that last night’s Knicks-Lakers game at Staples Center saw an NBA first. And it wasn’t anything that happened on the floor. Well, it happened close to the floor, I guess. Look who showed up, as a “fan”:

Stephon Marbury attends Knicks-Lakers game

Yup, Stephon Marbury, who is being paid $21 million this year to stay away from the Knicks, bought his own courtside ticket to the game and showed up to watch. Steph, of course, can certainly afford the seats. But how comical is this whole thing getting? The Knicks contend they’re still working on a buyout with Starbury, but he seems to be pretty content to just be chilling, doesn’t he?

Anyway, there was a game, and it was a pretty good one. The Lakers overcame the absence of Pau Gasol — who has strep throat — and a 15-point halftime deficit, to beat New York 116-114. Lamar Odom, battling the flu himself, had season highs with 17 points and 12 rebounds.

The lamest all-star game had its participants announced yesterday. Get used to seeing a bunch of guys from New York running around Honolulu in February. The Jets had a league-high seven players named to the Pro Bowl yesterday, while the Giants are sending six players to the game, including 44-year-old kicker John Carney and 42-year-old punter Jeff Feagles.

pro bowl cheerleaders

Both Mannings made their respective teams, and are the first pair of sibling quarterbacks named to the game in the same season. Peyton will start the game for the AFC, while Kurt Warner, who looked completely done three years ago, will start for the NFC. The Gunslinger made the AFC team (but why?), as did Mario Williams, who was once considered a bad draft pick over Reggie Bush and Vince Young. You can see full AFC rosters here, and full NFC rosters here.

Joe Paterno, who has said in the recent past that he’d probably die if he stopped coaching, was given a three-year life extension yesterday. However, the door is open to shorten or lengthen the contract as necessary. So, basically, the announcement just served the purpose of assuring recruits that JoePa will at least be back next year. Of course, I don’t think Paterno’s known the names of any of his players for a decade now, so that might not make any difference.

Joe Paterno

(”Who the f*** are you? Where’s Woody Hayes?”)

Alright, let’s hit the links:

Padraig Harrington only won two golf tournaments this year, but since they were consecutive majors that was good enough to get him voted as PGA Player of the Year.  ESPN’s Jason Sobel explains why Paddy won the award over Tiger Woods.

• THE WIZ OF ODDS says Turner Gill would rather hang out for another year at Buffalo than take over Iowa State’s flailing program. That’s the shape your team is in, ‘Clone fans. Gill probably should’ve taken the job, though, considering that winning five games in two years there qualifies you to coach in the SEC.

• There’s just no words to explain the following photo, so I’m not even gonna try. Big thank you to TMZ (which has more pictures like this if you’re so inclined):

Alex Rodriguez adjusting himself

Sean Avery has been kicked to the curb by the Dallas Stars because of the “sloppy seconds” incident. I’m still completely baffled by the level of outrage this brought out. US MAGAZINE says Avery checked in to a voluntary treatment program (for what? Crude humor?), but TSN says that’s not true.

• OVER THE MONSTER says that Peter Gammons believes that Mark Teixeira is choosing between the Red Sox and Nationals and may make his decision in the next 24-48 hours. The Yankees, Orioles, and Angels are all supposedly still in on Tex as well.

• UAB’s basketball team lost four players yesterday, according to the BIRMINGHAM NEWS. Two players decided to leave the team, and another two were disqualified for the rest of the year because of poor academic standing. Things are going very well for Mike Davis.

• A lot of sports franchises have fallen on hard times, but the Chicago Blackhawks are undergoing a rejuvenation. The CHICAGO TRIBUNE’s Chris Kuc talks about how the Hawks have gone from barely drawing 10,000 fans a game to leading the NHL in attendance in one season. The resurgent Hawks are averaging 21,475 fans per game (outdrawing the Bulls), and are one of the best teams in the NHL’s Western Conference.

• The IDAHO STATESMAN says that a former Boise State football player has arranged for four copies of this billboard to be placed around the San Diego area advertising the team, which will play in the Poinsettia Bowl next week:

Boise State

They’ll probably win the game, considering they’re bringing two sledgehammers onto the field with them.

• GM is not renewing its contract as official automaker of the Yankees, says XM MLB CHAT. Toyota and Audi will take over that distinction. GM also left a similar situation with the Pirates, and is reviewing deals with six other MLB teams that expire in 2009.

• More from TMZ: Vince Young contends that three guys, including ’70s baseball player Enos Cabell, “stole” the nicknames “VY” and “INVINCEABLE” from him, which is somehow preventing him from getting endorsement deals from Reebok and video game makers. Not being very good at NFL football is apparently much less of a factor.

Which team is going to pay way too much money for Mark Teixeira?

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Giants Suspend Plaxico Burress For Two Weeks

I’ve often heard that the NFL is a “copycat” league. In other words, if one team does something and it works, every other team in the league is going to try and do it too. Apparently the latest hot new trend spreading across the league is that of team’s suspending their best wide receivers for being insubordinate little punks.

First the Carolina Panthers suspended Steve Smith for two games after he broke Ken Lucas‘ nose in a fight, and despite not having their top receiver, the Panthers started the season 2-0. Now the defending champion New York Giants have followed suit, and they’re suspending Plaxico Burress as well.

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Hoge Still Hates Vince Young, Calls QB A “Baby”

It’s been a rough couple of weeks for Vince Young, what with his puzzling disappearance & suicide rumors & whatnot. So you’d think the Titans QB could be cut a little slack.

Vince Young Merrill Hoge

But don’t try selling such sob stories to Merrill Hoge, ’cause he’s not buying. The ESPN NFL analyst had already previously expressed his exacerbation over VY - what would his reaction be to this latest turn of events?

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For NFL QBs, It Really Does Pay To Be Attractive

Darren Rovell reports on his SPORTS BIZ blog about research done by sports economist David Berri showing a correlation between an athlete’s attractiveness and their salaries. Which probably explains why Willie McGee never received the big money contract he deserved.

Brazil face lift

Berri wrote an article for the NEW YORK TIMES PLAY MAGAZINE detailing his research. Since “attractiveness” is a relative term, he used a program to analyze the symmetry of the faces of 121 NFL quarterback - research suggesting that humans perceive symmetrical faces as more attractive. The results were clear: the better looking you were, the better you were paid:

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Teammates Respected Pacman More Than Young

Titans quarterback Vince Young has had a tough go of it recently. First, he played poorly in the season-opener against the Jags, got booed by the hometown crowd, and suffered a knee injury that will keep him out 2-4 weeks. And then things got weird: depending on who’s telling the story, after the game, Young left the stadium depressed, disappeared for a few hours (he didn’t have his cell phone with him, the horror!), and possibly talked of killing himself.

Pacman Jones, Vince Young

Head coach Jeff Fisher refuted many of the rumors but admitted that Young has to work through his off-field issues before he can resume throwing interceptions for the Titans. In the meantime, that chore belongs to Kerry Collins. But more than just getting mentally and physically healthy, Young will apparently have to earn the trust of his teammates who, according to SI.COM’s Peter King, aren’t convinced he’s much of a leader.

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