Week In Review: Danica to Drop ‘em for ESPN Mag

Danica Patrick could be removing her racing suit to pose for an all-nude (yet tastefully done) pictorial for ESPN The Magazine.

Danica Patrick topless

(Well, it’s a start)

• And the Rick Pitino sex-tortion scandal gets more & more pitiful.

• This FIBA Americas basketball tournament is getting quite rough. If it isn’t Mexico & Uruguay throwing punches & chairs, it’s security hassling Charlie Villanueva & his mother.

• College football players could lose their hotel privileges - for home games. But keeping the kids out of the local Motel 6 could actually be a bad idea.

• Are fantasy sports bad for your relationships? Well, in Texas, it can certainly be bad for your health.

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Stanford $$$ Flushed Down Coach’s $70K Toilet?

• While Stanford suffers through athletic budget problems, football coach Jim Harbaugh gets himself a new $70,000 private bathroom & shower.

Jim Harbaugh golden toilet

• The SEC is certainly a selfless b-ball conference. When the players aren’t giving up scholarships to allow other people onto the team, their coaches are giving up raises so they can afford team trips to Australia.

• UConn is taking the first steps to curtail catastrophic cheerleader injuries.

• Schools aren’t sold on Bud Light’s plans for college-colored Fan Cans.

• Are fantasy sports a nightmare for relationships & fan allegiances?

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Speed Read: Hero Vandy Coach Turns Down Raise

It’s hard to get too misty-eyed about the integrity of college sports when coaches are dealing with sex scandals, players are getting arrested on a daily basis and Yahoo! Sports is ready to let loose with the blockbuster news that a USC football player might have received an extra large slice of apple pie at the cafeteria because he’s on the team. But then you hear about things like the following story and you remember why you cry like a girl every time “Rudy” is on.

Kevin Stallings, hero

Vanderbilt head basketball coach Kevin Stallings had been planning a 10-day trip for his basketball team to Australia for well over a year when he learned that school wide budget cuts threatened to nix the trip. So what did Stallings do? He decided to decline the $100,000 raise he was owed by the school in order to pay for the journey. The team played OK - going 3-2 in five games - but I would imagine that the benefits go much further than that. Plus, how do you not play hard for a guy who gave up $100,000 so you could go to Australia?

“Jermaine, remember when you got to feed that kangaroo straight from your hand? Then how about screening out your man?”

Jarvis Varnado

This comes on the heels of Mississippi State’s star basketball player Jarvis Varnado giving up his scholarship so the team could sign more players. That’s two totally selfless acts involving SEC basketball in the space of less than a week, which is probably more than we saw all of last season. Sometimes its good to be reminded that sports are supposed to be, you know, uplifting.

West Ham hooligan

Meanwhile, just to cut the legs out from under you as you’re actually starting to feel good about sports again: look, British football hooligans are back! I guess if The Specials are touring again, then it really is like 1982 in London, which apparently means it’s time for pitch invasions, fights in the stands and undoing 25 years of progress toward making soccer in England respectable again.

The trouble came in a Carling Cup match between rivals West Ham and Millwall. West Ham won the game in extra time, 3-1, but the story was the “fans” of the two teams. One man was stabbed and at least 10 people were arrested in what appeared to be planned brawls outside of the stadium before and after the game. Plus, West Ham fans staged a “pitch invasion,” storming the field after West Ham scored the go-ahead goal early in extra time, forcing the match to be delayed for several minutes and riot squads to escort the visiting Millwall players off the field for their own safety.

I’m guessing this isn’t exactly what ESPN was hoping for when they paid for the partial rights to cover EPL games this season. Although I’d like to see the “ESPN Axis” technology be used to highlight some hooligan taking a dart to the eye - let’s see Tommy Smyth put that one in the old onion bag. (Also, it should be noted that the Carling Cup is about as important as winning the Cactus League title - I shudder to think what things will be like by the end of the season.)

Floyd Landis

Speaking of awful people, we have a Floyd Landis sighting. Even though he’s was stripped of his Tour de France title for doping offenses, he’s got at least one cycling team who would consider hiring him. And of course it’s with Lance Armstrong’s new team. Really, were you expecting anything else? Armstrong had been out of the headlines for a whole three or four weeks, and we can’t have that. P.S.: Have fun with that sponsorship, Radio Shack.

Sen. Ted Kennedy will be remembered for…

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Speed Read: T-Mac Reportedly Out For Season

Last February, the Houston Rockets were crippled - literally - by the season-ending foot injury to center Yao Ming. In what must feel like Groundhog’s Day for the team, this February is also bringing bad news for the team: their other All-Star anchor, Tracy McGrady, told ESPN.COM’s Stephen A. Smith that he needs microfracture surgery on his injured left knee and is done for the season.

Tracy McGrady

Keep mind that this is coming from the mouth of Smith, so take it with a grain of salt (right, Chris Bosh?), and the Rockets aren’t confirming the report. But they sure aren’t denying it either, and with Rockets owner Leslie Alexander telling the HOUSTON CHRONICLE to expect official news on McGrady later this week, it looks highly likely that T-Mac is going on the shelf for a long time.

Tracy McGrady

Alexander also told the paper that McGrady is a “superstar” and that the team has no plans to trade him. Which is probably code for “we really wanted to trade him, but now that he’s damaged goods we’re stuck with him.” How much his absence will impact the Rockets is unclear - he’s either been ineffective or out of the line-up for most of the season to begin with, but losing him can’t help.

The only thing injured on Alex Rodriguez right now is his reputation, which is doing about as well as Jack from Jack in the Box. His press conference at Yankee spring training didn’t help much - I would recommend not using the phrase “I’m here to take my medicine” again any time soon - and might have got his unnamed cousin in trouble.

Alex Rodriguez

Rodriguez claims that his cousin brought something called “boli” from the Dominican Republic, which the USA TODAY says usually refers to the steroids Dianabol or Deca-Durabolin. And now a DEA agent is ominously warning that “those who violate drug laws are always at risk of arrest and prosecution.” We don’t know who this cousin is yet - although BIG LEAGUE STEW has a list of candidates - but I’m guessing we’ll find out soon enough.

In related news, the AP reports that the MLBPA has sent a memo to its players informing them how to respond to questions about the 2003 drug testing. Their recommendation: don’t respond. The memo also goes into detail about little details like why the tests weren’t destroyed, and how the union did not give advance knowledge of tests of players.

Finally, fans who tuned into the Kentucky/Vanderbilt game last night expecting fireworks had to be greatly disappointed. Not in the game itself, but in the lack of a halftime interview between ESPN sideline reporter Jeannine Edwards and the man she spurned, Wildcats head coach Billy Gillispie.

ESPN reporter Jeannine Edwards

Alas, no luck last night. As the TENNESSEAN notes, with the game tied at halftime Edwards chose to interview Vanderbilt coach Kevin Stallings instead of Gillispie, telling the paper “I cut my losses.” This is, of course, the entirely wrong approach, and there should have been a producer in Edwards’ ear demanding she interview Gillispie. Not having her interview Gillispie would be like if Chuck Wepner replaced Muhammad Ali at the last minute for “The Rumble in the Jungle” - totally unacceptable.

What was the most painful/awesome interview in sports TV history?

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Lingerie Footballer Punches Way to MMAer’s Heart

• MMA fighter KJ Noons has kicked up quite a lovely lingerie-football-playing girlfiend in Melany Lorenzo.

Melany Lorenzo

• RB Thomas Jones blames Brett for Jets bumbling down the stretch.

• Man takes an 180-mile bike ride to go on an underage ride of his own.

• March Madness just wouldn’t be complete without a sitcom about heckling starring Tom Arnold.

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Clever Caption Contest: Bobby, Can You Hear Me?

Hey, readers! HAPPY NEW YEAR! (Oops, sorry for shouting. *snicker*) What better way to kick off a brand new year than with a brand new SbB Clever Caption Contest!

2009’s first honoree of the SbBCCC is Vanderbilt coach Bobby Johnson, who yesterday not only led the Commodores to their first winning season in 26 years, but their first bowl victory in over five decades:

Bobby Johnson Vanderbilt Commodores

So, what words of wisdom or sage advice could the man in stripes be offering to the man in black? Submit your suggestions into the comments section linked below. Winner to be announced in the end-of-the-day recap.

Good luck & good writing! (But only if you’re not hungover enough to focus.)

‘Dogs Bite, Deacs Choke, Tech Exhales, Bulls Roll

Teams that were supposed to win won, and players that were supposed to perform performed, as the day’s early games seemed just an appetizer for the big OSU-Michigan and Texas-Mizzou tilts.

Knowshon Moreno

(The closest Vandy came to stopping Moreno all day).

As Knowshon Moreno goes, so goes the Georgia Bulldogs. Vanderbilt found that out the hard way, falling to UGA 24-14 in the early slate’s only matchup of ranked teams. Moreno trampled the Commdores for a season-high 172 yards, touching the ball on more than a third of Georgia’s snaps. Freshman AJ Green, who is becoming one of Matthew Stafford’s favorite targets, had 132 yards and a touchdown.

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Is Ball State Ready For Letterman’s Top 25 List?

Given its context, the Ball State’ s 31-0 pasting of the Toledo Rockets hardly seemed that important - how big of a deal could beating a 1-4 team be. But after looking at today’s AP poll, you can see why the Cardinals’ win was so important: as the MUNCIE STAR PRESS notes, by staying undefeated, they were able to crack the Top 25 for the first time ever with a No. 25 ranking.

Ball State and David Letterman

That news should make Ball State’s famous alumni happy, including David Letterman and…um, David Letterman. Actually, that’s not true: there are several other notable Cardinal alums, including Janet from Three’s Company and Jim Davis, creator of Garfield. News of the Cardinals’ cracking the Top 25 probably made him so giddy, that maybe we’ll see Jon Arbuckle talking to himself while wearing a Ball State sweater this week.

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NY Mets’, Scott Linehan’s Seasons End Too Soon

• The New York Mets are out of the playoff picture, thanks to a late-season swoon. This is not a repeat.

Scott Linehan Mets fans

• Not Ram tough: Scott Linehan is given the St. Louis toodle-oo.

• Don’t call it a comeback: Shawn Kemp goes AWOL from his Italian b-ball club, blames it on Hurricane Ike.

• Hard to tell which was more painful to watch - Anquan Boldin taking a hit to the helmet, or the Jets’ Titan-ically terrible throwback duds.

• The Brewers’ season-ending run was exciting enough to make you tinkle in your trousers. But make sure you don’t sing “Go Cubs Go!” at Miller Park.

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Revenge Of The Nerds: Duke, Vandy, NU All Good

It’s not surprising that College GameDay will be making its third straight appearance in SEC country this weekend. But Nashville? I thought UT was in Knoxville. Oh, Vanderbilt? They have a team? That’s right, sports fans, Lee Corso will be embarrassing himself at Vandy this Saturday as the 4-0 ‘Dores prepare to face off with Auburn.

nerds

It’s a nod to the stunning new college football landscape, where Vandy, Duke, and Northwestern are a combined 12-1 (with the only loss being by Duke to Northwestern). Vanderbilt hasn’t had a winning season since 1982. Northwestern hasn’t been 5-0 since 1962. Prior to this past Saturday, Duke hadn’t won an ACC game since Millard Fillmore was president. It’s insanity.

Ridiculous video after the jump.

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