Speed Read: Like You Are Working Today Anyway

O Glorious Day! The zenith of nascent spring has arrived! Today, you can call in sick to work (tell them you need to prep for your World Series-winning colonoscopy), crack open a beer before 9:30 am on the West Coast, and stare intently at teenagers in short pants for four straight days without so much as a cocked eyebrow from your loved ones.

Final Four Memphis Tigers fans

(2008 Final Four coverage from SPORTSbyBROOKS)

(Hint: timing’s everything on this one. One weekend in the wrong direction and you’re stuck programming your GPS to stay 200 yards from schools for the next five years.)

Here’s what you need to thrive today:

Television schedule
Watch online
Watch on your iPhone
Nevada Council on Problem Gambling

Final Four Tickets

(2007 teaser from SPORTSbyBROOKS coverage)

Here’s your morning NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament storylines:

Since you now have a few hours to kill, here’s the hail of bullet points to distract you while considering why you’re getting sex advice from China’s last eunuch (and how they tested for this):

Francisco Rodriguez of Venezuela

Manny Ramirez

Which #1 seed falls first?

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USOC Aims Gun at Foot & Hits Chicago 2016 Bid

When USOC CEO Jim Scherr was ousted in a palace coup earlier this month (we mean, resigned at an incredibly sensitive time to spend time with someone’s family or some such), there were concerns the new CEO (Stephanie Streeter) would not have enough experience or influence on the international stage to close the deal on the Chicago 2016 Olympic bid.

USOC gunning for Chicago 2016 bid

No worries, though; she’s proven more than competent to cause schisms, drama, and infighting just like other Olympic committees.  For example, she still reports to herself because she never quit her place as a USOC board member.

Also, she’s not sure if she’ll move from Wisconsin to Colorado to run the USOC because this is an organization that should totally be run by video conferencing at the moment. And that’s not to mention the growing weakness of the Chicago bid itself…

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Week In Review: Super Bowl Viewers See Boner

• Super Bowl viewers in Tucson were treated to a 30-second clip of some guy’s schlong. And for those who are curious, here’s what they saw.

Larry Fitzgerald Super Bowl porn girl

• That pornographic interruption was probably more fun than actually going to a Super Bowl party.

• Should Erin Andrews and other female sports reporters get the chance to graduate from the sidelines to the broadcast booth?

• The USOC is seething over a strip club hosting its own “Pole Olympics“.

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USOC Sues Colo. Strip Club Over “Pole Olympics”

Well, now the U.S. Olympic Committee has really gone and done it. They’re willing to support Michael Phelps despite his bongariffic weed habit, but they’re not willing to let some Colorado Springs strippers engage in a little bit of friendly competition? That’s just not fair!

PT's Showclubs girls

(See! We can call it a cabaret, they use artsy black and white photography!)

Fair or not, the higher-ups at the Colorado Springs-based organization filed a cease and desist lawsuit against one of their hometown strip clubs, PT’s Showclub, after the cabaret (Can we call a strip club a cabaret? Eh, what the heck, let’s call it a cabaret) ran an ad in the COLORADO SPRINGS GAZETTE advertising their first annual Pole Olympics.

And how did PT’s Showclub respond? Quite cleverly, if you ask us: They ran the same ad again six days later, with the “c” and “s” at the end of “Olympics” crossed out. Touche’, PT’s Showclub, touche’!

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The Iron Fist Of The USOC’s Trademark Lawyers

When the U.S. Olympic Committee isn’t busy crushing the dreams of athletes who strongly desire the chance to bring home gold for the red, white and blue, its forcing events like the Ferret Olympics, Olympets, RobOlympics to change their name to protect their trademark.

RoboGames Girl

(Photo of robo athlete and robo athlete groupie taken from RobOlympics RoboGames Web site.)

WALL STREET JOURNAL reports “Every Olympic season, the USOC threatens to sue dozens of businesses, clubs and nonprofit organizations for using the trademarked word to promote events or products. USOC lawyers say they’re protecting one of the world’s most lucrative sporting events from ‘ambush marketing’ by companies seeking to profit from the Games.”

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