Even with the Orlando Magic leading the Boston Celtics by 17 midway through the fourth quarter in Game 7 of their Eastern Conference semifinal, you may have had an uneasy feeling in your stomach that it was a big set-up to a massive, heartbreaking, Stan Van Gundy-firing collapse. Of course Boston was going to make [...]

While his quarterback is out slinging erection pills these days, ex-Bears wide receiver Willie Gault is still doing what he always did best — running. And he’s running really fast. Faster than most of us could ever dream, and he’s 48 years old.

Gault recently clocked a 10.80 in the 100-meter dash, and he holds the [...]

The discerning reader prefers the news (and most foods) wrapped in bacon and liberally salted with panic. Therefore, we provide your Thursday morning sports-centric swine flu stories to better arm you at the water cooler to pass along the latest gossip mumbled through your faux designer mask:

Texas has suspended all baseball and softball tournaments, eliminated [...]

The baseball day in Los Angeles started on a solemn note Monday when the Dodgers held two moments of silence for fallen comrades in arms during Chavez Ravine’s opening day Monday (before a third passed later in the day).

(Pictures from 710 AM ESPN’s Beto Duran)
By the end of the game (an 11-1 pounderation of the [...]

As you know, Chicago is on the short-list of cities vying for the 2016 Olympics, where Usain Bolt will become the first man to break the sound barrier powered on his legs alone. Coincidentally enough, the City of Wind is also the near-home of a certain Golden Arched corporation, who are one of the top [...]

• AWFUL ANNOUNCING intercepts Lou Holtz offering a prescription for those who loathe his weekly “Dr. Lou” segment on ESPN:

(Just call him “Witch Doctor Lou”, ’cause he’s puttin’ a spell on you!)
“If you enjoy Doctor Lou, I hope you will show your support by driving during the day with your lights on. And if you’re [...]

In a shocking scandalous expose, SPORTS ILLUSTRATED have documents proving that two members of the 2008 Jamaican Olympic track team received shipments for “performance-enhancing drugs through an Internet distribution network.” Fortunately, neither one of them is Usain Bolt. In fact, both of them are hippoty-hoppity hurdlers!

The two players in question are Delloreen Ennis-London, a 33-year-old [...]

• Jay Mariotti says so long to the Chicago Sun-Times, as the jovial jaunty journalist sees his future going down the Intertubes.

• Jose Guillen was oh so close to giving an annoying fan a Royal thrashing.
• A postal worker in Maine tries to make off with a rare baseball card he stole from someone else’s [...]

Remember those “My Fast” commercials that Nike debuted a couple of months back? In Usain Bolt’s case, his fast is not only faster than your fast, or anyone else’s fast in the world, it’s in fact faster than mathematical models predicting the progress of humans in terms of speed. WIRED reports that the mathematical formula [...]

Dan Bickley has some very weird news today out of Beijing. The ARIZONA REPUBLIC columnist (via AZ SPORTS HUB) reports that Jason Kidd told him he will give his (sure) Gold Medal away to the wife of a Vegas casino owner.

(Joumana Be Kiddin’ Me!)
More specifically, Elaine Wynn. She’s the wife of billionaire Vegas casino [...]