8:07 PMGregg Rosenthal of Pro Football Talk reports that Vince Lombardi's life story will soon be adapted into a Broadway Play. Let's just hope Hank Williams, Jr., gets nowhere near the score.
7:57 PMJudy Battista of the New York Times on missed tackles in the NFL: "One trend most exposes how poor tackling is. According to the N.F.L., there were 81 touchdowns of 50 yards or more through Week 8, the most since 1970, great for highlight reels, a nightmare for defenses."
7:36 PMLou Holtz observing Opposite Day on ESPN set today after Navy dominated Notre Dame during 23-14 victory in South Bend today: "It was obvious Notre Dame was the better football team."
7:17 PM Here's a thought: When watching the Yankees ticker-tape parade from one of the adjacent buildings looming over the route, don't toss documents out the window that contain people's social security numbers. Or meatballs.
While visiting Kenya this week, world champion Olympic sprinter Usain Bolt adopted a baby cheetah. I applaud this cosmic symmetry, and wish it could be repeated throughout the sporting world: Charles Barkley could adopt a baby water buffalo, for instance. Hank Steinbrenner a jackass. And so on.
“During his trip, he has already impressed local children with his football skills, and become an honorary Maasai warrior.” It’s like I have a twin! If you’d like to see a split-screen video of Bolt and a cheetah racing each other, with a title graphic that’s spelled “Battle of the Mammels,” you’re in luck. It’s following the jump. Read more…
No disrespect to Michael Phelps or anything, but when it came to jaw-dropping performances in the 2008 Summer Olympics, the real show-stopper was Jamaica’s Usain Bolt. He so effortlessly dominated the 100 meter dash that not only did he break a world record, he did it while celebrating over the last 15 meters or so. He set the record at 9.69, which is wild enough, but considering his chest-thumping while he crossed the finish line, it was only natural to wonder just how low he can push the record.
Well, plenty lower, as it turns out. At the World Championships in Berlin today, Bolt chopped over a tenth of a second off his record, recording a 9.58 and - of course - winning easily. Video is after the break.
Even with the Orlando Magic leading the Boston Celtics by 17 midway through the fourth quarter in Game 7 of their Eastern Conference semifinal, you may have had an uneasy feeling in your stomach that it was a big set-up to a massive, heartbreaking, Stan Van Gundy-firing collapse. Of course Boston was going to make a run - especially with Dwight Howard sitting with five fouls. The only question was how badly would the Magic collapse.
After all, they had blown a 14-point lead in Game 5 of the series, and almost let a 28-point cushion slip away in Game 1, so why not save the “best” for last? And sure enough, after Ray Allen hit a three-pointer with 4:12 to play, the Celtics had cut the lead to 12 and were poised to make something happen. So, of course, there was only one man the Magic could turn to in their hour of need.
That’s right, Mr. Pizza Man himself, Hedo Turkoglu. Maybe the grease on his fingers from his pregame meal of pizza put extra spin on the ball, but he was out of his mind in Game 7, especially when the Magic needed him most. He responded to Allen’s three-pointer with one of his own, and then hit a fallaway jumper on the next possession to get the lead back to 17. Maybe he’s a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, and pizza is his spinach?
After that, it was time for the Celtics to pull Allen and Paul Pierce for a final round of applause, and bring in the scrubs. (Otherwise known as “Gabe Pruitt Time!”) As for the Magic, they haven’t been this far since the Shaq and Penny days, so you can excuse the people of Orlando if they don’t exactly act like they’ve been there before.
So the NBA didn’t get the Cavaliers vs. Celtics match-up they were craving, but their consolation prize is nice: the most dominant big man in the game (Dwight Howard) vs. the most dominant anything in the game (LeBron James). As for Bron-Bron and the Cavaliers, you can see that they were clearly concerned about who they would play:
Let’s see Van Gundy draw up a defense for that.
As the NBA’s reigning champs were dethroned, the current NFL champs get ready to enjoy one of their spoils on Thursday: the traditional meeting with the President in front of the White House. But NFL Defensive Player of the Year James Harrison won’t be joining them. No, he doesn’t have a pressing personal emergency, and it’s not a political protest. His reason is a little more complex than that:
“This is how I feel — if you want to see the Pittsburgh Steelers, invite us when we don’t win the Super Bowl. As far as I’m concerned, he [Obama] would’ve invited Arizona if they had won,” said Harrison.
So let me get this straight: Harrison is upset because he thinks that Barack Obama is playing favorites and only inviting the Steelers because they won the Super Bowl and not because he’s their biggest fan? Apparently he didn’t see the bitchin’ helmet tattoo that the President got before the playoffs, or the new paint modifications he made to Air Force One once he took office:
Finally, the Stanley Cup playoffs started their conference finals on Sunday, and the Detroit Red Wings gave the upstart Chicago Blackhawks a welcome to big time hockey with a 5-2 thumping in Game 1 of their series. But the big story was almost something far darker, as the Blackhawks’ Adam Burish narrowly escaped a Richard Zednik/Clint Malarchuk moment when his neck was clipped by the skate of teammate Ben Eager.
Unlike the other two players, Burish only received a minor nick that didn’t require stitches. Still, he knows how lucky he was:
“I don’t know how my head was still connected there,” Burish said. “I saw his skate. It was like he did a figure skating move. He lifted his skate up and I just watched it go over my neck.”
If only they made some sort of device that could protect hockey players in case a blade happens to catch them in the neck. A “neck protector,” if you will. But I guess that’s just crazy talk.
THE STATE says South Carolina baseball player Casey Rihn allegedly learned the hard way why you don’t keep hitting the back of a police car with your hands when you are walking around drunk at 2 a.m.: you can wind up arrested after the cop in your car turns your face into Hamburger Helper on the ground.
I guess that Usain Bolt’s OK after the foot surgery following his car crash: The AP says that in his first meet back in Manchester, England, he set the world record in the 150 meters at 14.35. Yeah, he even has the world record for a race no one runs now.
Walls? After you’ve been through the kind of hell Josh Hamilton has, walls are nothing. Actually, the DALLAS MORNING NEWS says that the wall was a pretty decent adversary for the Rangers’ outfielder, as he suffered a mild groin strain while making a game-saving catch against the Angels.
Dear Bruno Junqueira: Thanks for qualifying our car for the Indianapolis 500 - we really appreciate it. But we hope you don’t mind that we’re pulling you from the ride and replacing you with Alex Tagliani. It’s nothing personal - it’s just that he’s our main driver and all, and he failed to qualify. Best, Conquest Racing. P.S. Please return your driving suit to us by 5 p.m. or you lose the deposit.
Manchester United wrapped up the English Premier League crown this weekend, but the biggest story might be the plight of former soccer heavyweights Newcastle United. As the TELEGRAPH reports, their 1-0 loss to Fulham puts them on the edge of relegation to soccer’s minor leagues, as they need a win in their final game to stay in the EPL.
NFL fans who don’t get the NFL Network might finally be in luck: SI’s Peter King says that the league is closing in on a deal with Comcast to make the network available on the regular digital cable package. Finally, I won’t have to pay a premium for my daily dose of Rich Eisen.
TROY NUNES IS AN ABSOLUTE MAGICIAN sat down with new Syracuse football coach Doug Marronefor an interview, but not during breakfast if their arteries know what’s good for them. After all, Marrone claims that he once ate “42 pancakes with two sticks of butter…or a stick and half of butter…no, two sticks of butter and a thing and a half of maple syrup. I take pride in what I can eat.”
As if the Colorado Rockies didn’t have enough problems with the Pittsburgh Pirates taking two of three against them over the weekend, BUGS & CRANKS says that they even had to dodge bats kicked at them by the umps.
It was apparently “Dress Like A Banana Day” in San Francisco for the Giants’ game against the Mets, but THE SPORTS HERNIA says that Jon Miller was the only person in the ESPN broadcast booth to get the memo:
What’s more American than baseball? The CHARLOTTE OBSERVER has an answer: beer and baseball. Since a local ordinance was changed allowing them to sell beer on Sundays, the minor league Charlotte Knights have seen attendance for Sunday home games go up by 30 percent.
While his quarterback is out slinging erection pills these days, ex-Bears wide receiver Willie Gault is still doing what he always did best — running. And he’s running really fast. Faster than most of us could ever dream, and he’s 48 years old.
Gault recently clocked a 10.80 in the 100-meter dash, and he holds the world record for runners over the age of 45 (a 10.72 in 2006). This is only about .7 seconds slower than he ran the 100 back when he qualified for the U.S. Olympic team in 1980 (the year the Americans didn’t show up in Moscow). Most ex-NFLers this age can barely get out of bed. Also, as you can see, Gault doesn’t mind rolling with no shirt on at the Playboy mansion.
The discerning reader prefers the news (and most foods) wrapped in bacon and liberally salted with panic. Therefore, we provide your Thursday morning sports-centric swine flu stories to better arm you at the water cooler to pass along the latest gossip mumbled through your faux designer mask:
Arizona and Illinois (among other states) are monitoring the situation. In other words, both high school sports organizations happen to own televisions, thanks for asking.
Also in possession of a television for monitoring purposes: the NBA and legendary Dodgers trainer Stan Conte. That’s why he’s the best, ladies and gents.
However, Club America (a Mexican side) played the Chicago Fire in Bridgeview, IL, last night with nary a concern. That is, if installing hand sanitizers everywhere was just a promotional stunt. Which it wasn’t.
Whew. That’s a lot of abject terror sensible precaution for one morning. Please add any additional sports-related swine flu stories to the comments below so the few remaining survivors have a record of these final days.
Thankfully, our few remaining moments left as a functional species can be well-represented by the following people tellin’ it like it is and keepin’ it real with the kids, assuming your kids take Don Rickles’ routine at face value:
Geno Auriemma spoke to the Jewish Federation of Greater Hartford after visiting President Obama earlier this week and explained to the assembled that “… there’s not a lot of difference between Italians and Jewish. Same part of the world and trust me, my mother and every Jewish mother I’ve ever met have a lot of characteristics in common.”
Unfortunately, this theoretical driver wouldn’t be very welcome to an Australian football club’s “All White Night”, complete with a picture of Klansmen on their Web site.
(Emergency vehicle sized appropriately to emergency)
Finally, a false alarm (possibly a fire alarm) in the eighth inning could not shake the New York Yankees from barely holding onto a 8-6 lead at Comerica Park over the Detroit Tigers last night despite holding a 7-1 advantage late in the contest. As Joe Girardi put it, “In this day and age, that’s a little scary.”
Usain Bolt wrecked his Beemer with his brother and “a female companion” inside and would have walked away unscathed, except he hurt his foot stepping out of the car.
Farewell to the excellent NASCAR writer, David Poole, who passed away at age 50 on Tuesday.
The Detroit Lions’ seventh-round pick holds a serious grudge against all the teams that passed on him. We assume he also holds 6/7ths of a grudge against the Lions themselves.
The baseball day in Los Angeles started on a solemn note Monday when the Dodgers held twomoments of silence for fallen comrades in arms during Chavez Ravine’s opening day Monday (before a third passed later in the day).
(”Look! Look up at that paragraph! It says that someone wants me! Do you see that?”)
FIU has found a certain comfort level with losing (five straight seasons) and could certainly use the limelight brought by a famous coach. Perhaps Isiah’s excited because he thinks he can ply his trade in a different country unfamiliar with his sordid past. (That’s what the “International” stands for, right?)
Another gentleman of leisure being paid by an NBA team to go away but still looking for a new home will also have to find a new place of leisure as well. At least two of Detroit’s casinos (current count: 439280410) have reportedly tossed Allen Iverson out on his ear for “boorish behavior”, including bodyguard-related scuffling, pouting after a loss, and being generally churlish.
(There’s always golf to ruin one’s forced retirement)
So kudos to the MGM Casino and the Greektown Casino for standing up to Allen Iverson’s shenanigans after he’s left town and will likely never return unless absolutely forced to by contract. Also, way to leak the information once the coast is clear.
We once spotted AI in the Omni Hotel in Atlanta, taking over a section of the open-air lounge and bar to play cards in the late afternoon with his buddies. He did not order from the bar; instead, he had the bellboy bring his crew a beat-up old cooler filled with their own special reserve.
We did not get a chance to see his favorite drink, but we bet he could get it for 25% less this season at Dodger Stadium. Better bring the bodyguards to carry the overflow.
And now our riot police-approved hail of rubber bullets reinforced by the near-certainty there are relatively few industries interested in “boy whisperers”…
The Calgary Flames and Edmonton Oilers desperately need new arenas to replace their dilapated current homes, well over 25 years after their construction. That’s according to NHL frontman Gary Bettman, who certainly showed puck-sized cajones to lay out that demand in this economy.
Your 2009-2010 temporary receptacle for misplaced affection for college days gone well past: Sherron Collins and Cole Aldrich, who will stay at Kansas for another year.
Donations of human kindness for the decency-deficient (like media abuser Delmon Young) can be made to SPORTSbyBROOKS, c/o this station.
Usain Bolt says that drugs are bad, m’kay, soon after suggesting marijuana might be awesome. Don’t step out of line on the corporations, Usain; you’ll never become the $10 million per year man if you do.
As you know, Chicago is on the short-list of cities vying for the 2016 Olympics, where Usain Bolt will become the first man to break the sound barrier powered on his legs alone. Coincidentally enough, the City of Wind is also the near-home of a certain Golden Arched corporation, who are one of the top sponsors of the Olympics. And while they’re not officially coming out and saying it, apparently McDonald’s is heavily hinting that they’d “prefer” if the International Olympic Committee chose Chi-town for the Olympics. And hey, if they don’t, maybe they’ll just take their business elsewhere.
(Don’t be fooled. Behind his smiling exterior lies a ferocious beast.)
The CHICAGO TRIBUNE is reporting that John Lewicki, the company’s senior director of alliance marketing, is a bit of a bad ass. Specifically for this quote: “The international market is very important to us, but some of the cities they are picking are not. I’m not going to sit here and tell you that if it’s not Chicago, we won’t renew, but if it is Chicago, we probably will.”
• AWFUL ANNOUNCING intercepts Lou Holtzoffering a prescription for those who loathe his weekly “Dr. Lou” segment on ESPN:
(Just call him “Witch Doctor Lou”, ’cause he’s puttin’ a spell on you!)
“If you enjoy Doctor Lou, I hope you will show your support by driving during the day with your lights on. And if you’re unhappy with Doctor Lou, please show your displeasure by driving with your lights off at night. Have a great week.”
• Via SBD, Chris Rock was on “Larry King Live” last night, and shared his thoughts on Sarah Palin receiving the GOP’s VP bid: “I thought Al Davis made the choice, that’s how bad it was.”
In a shocking scandalous expose, SPORTS ILLUSTRATED have documents proving that two members of the 2008 Jamaican Olympic track team received shipments for “performance-enhancing drugs through an Internet distribution network.” Fortunately, neither one of them is Usain Bolt. In fact, both of them are hippoty-hoppity hurdlers!
The two players in question are Delloreen Ennis-London, a 33-year-old who finished 5th in the 100-meter hurdles in Beijing, and 25-year-old Adrian Findlay, who was an alterate for the 400-meter hurdles. Apparently, steroids don’t make that much of a difference.
