Speed Read: Broncos Done Foolin’ with Jay Cutler

Jay Cutler has moved from snit fit to full-on martyrdom and Denver Broncos owner Pat Bowlen has chosen to accommodate the young quarterback and search for a trade partner, thus saving Broncos fans from competency at the quarterback position.

Jay Cutler Broncos

(Sign language is still communication, right?)

Chris Simms will stand as the only vaguely quarterback-like substance on the roster, pending trade returns, after Cutler and his agent would not even return text messages for ten days (or so claimed by the Broncos organization).

While this seems superficially about placating the petulant, it would be disastrous to employ the Marcel Marceau of quarterbacks this fall if he continues his silent ways. There would be no playcalling, no leadership, and no franchise-polishing post-game quotes. For that, the Broncos could just look up Joey Harrington.

Also abandoning ship: just about every recruit formerly headed to the University of Memphis. John Calipari’s move to the University of Kentucky has most recruits for next year’s class eying the escape clause in their letters of intent that lets them wiggle free if Calipari squirms out as well.

John Calipari

(The Sweet’n'Low is also coming with him to Lexington)

With Tyreke Evans already on his way to the NBA and everyone else on the team either graduating or looking for a new school, the University of Memphis basketball team may have to outfit the equipment manager, three physical education majors, and Marc Cohn himself.

(Sure, Cohn only has one move, but he closes out every night with it.)

And now join us for a hail of bullets on the day each year the entire Internet is racked with inaccuracies, tall tales, and outright lies (and actually admits it) as we remember how the pros handle this tomfoolery

Bemidji, MN Paul Bunyan and Babe

Ron Artest at a Britney Spears concert

Jay Cutler’s next home will be…

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Reporter Crushed for Questioning UK Perfection

The University of Kentucky is infallible. All great things come from the University of Kentucky. The University of Kentucky has a wonderful plan for our lives. Blessed be the University of Kentucky. We shall never doubt her.

(Are the angry mobs gone? Can you still see the makeshift torches made from couch legs? No? Okay. Let’s start.)

Angry mob

(shh; the UK mob can still hear us when we type)

Jerry Tipton from the LEXINGTON HERALD-LEADER has been nigh crucified for two recent articles (and accompanying podcasts) on new UK recruits, including one about UK head coach Billy Gillespe recruiting an eighth-grader. The abuse has grown so vehement that HERALD-LEADER editor Linda Austin felt she had to step in and defend Tipton.

In both articles, Tipton speaks to all parties involved in the issues (when available) and presents reactions in an even-handed manner. You can see the flaw in his approach.
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