Speed Read: Donte’ Stallworth Reaches DUI Deal

Sometimes, all you can ask for is closure. Not revenge or punishment or the eye for the proverbial eye; just enough to begin the healing process.

Donte Stallworth

And so, according to the MIAMI HERALD, the family of Mario Reyes, the man Donte’ Stallworth stands accused of killing in a March DUI accident, have been described by prosecutors as “the primary force” in a plea deal that is expected to be accepted today. And rather than spending years and years in prison, Stallworth may only have a short jail stay:

Cleveland Browns wide receiver Donte’ Stallworth is expected to plead guilty Tuesday to driving drunk when he struck and killed a pedestrian on the MacArthur Causeway in March, The Miami Herald has learned.

Stallworth’s attorney, Christopher Lyons, confirmed that the case was expected to be resolved Tuesday in court. Lyons declined to detail terms of the plea, which are not yet public.

While this is good news for Stallworth and his family, it doesn’t mean his NFL career is back in play; even after the jail stay imposed by the judge, Stallworth will still have to be reinstated by the notoriously unsympathetic Roger Goodell.  This will be a remarkably tough decision for the commissioner; no matter what length of suspension he decides on, it’s still going to be met by (not entirely unreasonable) protests of “Oh, so that’s how many games a human life is worth?”

But all the same, the person who’s really going to be haunted by the specter of death here is Stallworth, not Goodell. That he, even accidentally, killed a fellow man is a fact that will saddle him long after he’s gone from the league.

*UPDATE*: Stallworth gets sentenced to 30 days in jail & two years of house arrest.

Okay, we need a fun story after all that. So, as we warned you earlier, Joe Buck’s talk show career just started last night. And, judging by what AWFUL ANNOUNCING found, it may have ended last night too.

Joe Buck

The milquetoast play-by-play announcer for FOX had put together a decent, meh-but-not-terrible first episode, with appearances by Brett Favre (more on him later), Michael Irvin, Chad Ochocinco, and other famous members of the sports world. And then to close it out, he had on longtime friend Paul Rudd, a practically non-existent Jason Sudeikis, and, inexplicably, Artie Lange.

The audio is ludicrously NSFW, but if you’ve got earphones and/or a door to your office, you’ll want to check out Lange single-handedly derailing the show:

And then yes, Favre. Favre Favre Favre. He was the first guest on the show, and allowed make unironic claims like he’s not looking for attention. While he’s on, y’know, a nationally televised talk show. And to his credit, the fact that this is his first public appearance while ESPN has hammered coverage of his dalliance with Vikings management into viewers’ brains (we think Ed Werder’s been tasked with rifling through the trash down at Favre’s ranch in Mississippi) should be noted. That said, this happens every damn year, and it’s so tiresome. Here we are in June, with training camps underway. Teams want to have their summer rosters in place. So is Favre going to play this year? “Maybe.”

Brett Favre Vikings
(Here we go again.)

Also, the fact that Favre’s first public comments aren’t to ESPN should be noted as well. So rather than think of Favre as a caricature of an attention whore or drama queen or whatever, perhaps it’s best to - yes, we know this is neither fun nor easy - recognize the shades of gray and think that while he knows how easy it is to attract attention after spending two decades in the spotlight,  part of him actually is a country-bred bumpkin from Mississippi who would play football forever if he could.

But then again, we don’t know where the annual retirement charade fits into either side. And how many years in a row is this? Eight? C’mon, man.

Here are more stories to consider as you mourn Shawn Johnson’s euthanization

  • Look, this is clearly not the appropriate forum to discuss the ongoing turmoil in Iran. We’re not nearly qualified enough to comment on it, and that’s not what you’re here to read anyway. That said, if you’re wanting to find out more about watching the seeds of revolution occur in real-time, Andrew Sullivan’s blog is a good place to start. So why even bring it up? Only for the most epic picture in tOSU history, via 11W (click here for higher res, pops):

Tehran Buckeye
(Your move, Michigan.)

What else is Joe Morgan lying about?

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Gerrard Used to “Go Ugly” When Going After Gals

• Before coupling up with cutie Alex Curran, Liverpool soccer player Steve Gerrard used to pursue his gals by following the mantra of “Go Ugly“.

Alex Curran

(I don’t think Steve is “going ugly” anymore.)

• At least the Lakers are one step closer to holding up their end of the deal for a Kobe-LeBron finals.

• MLB All-Star Voting: It’s like “American Idol” without any Simon Cowell!

• San Diego State students show off what they’re made of when they let themselves unwind in with a late night Undie Run.

• Too bad they didn’t have this race when Reggie Grigsby Jr. was with the Aztecs - then maybe he wouldn’t have been shot by his policeman dad after attacking his mom.

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Uncovering Fun At San Diego State’s Undie Run

Last year, we wrote about (and showed some great pictures from) UCLA’s annual Undie Run, an event where college students in their skivvies take a late-night run around campus. We even uncovered some video of the fun festivities. Turns out the same revealing activities also take place just a little further down Interstate 5.

SDSU undie run

San Diego State University held it’s own Undie Run last Thursday night. Just like their Bruin neighbors to the north, the Aztec student body showed off their bodies in a midnight run as a way to relieve the stress & pressures that comes with finals week. (Whoa - two straight SDSU stories in a row. What are the odds?)

So, how did it all look? See for yourself with photos & video after the jump.

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Video Offers Revealing Look At UCLA’s Undie Run

Not too long ago, we gave you the lowdown on the annual UCLA Undie run, a jog around Westwood featuring students in their skivvies. Of course, our original story showcased some selected scintillating shots of some of the fairer fleet-of-foot females.

UCLA Undie Run

(Photo courtesy of LAIST)

Now thanks to Adam Rose of the LA TIMES, we are proud to offer exclusive video of the ubiquitous Undie Run. Moving pictures appear after the jump.

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UCLA’s Undie Run Yet Another (A)rousing Success

Near the completion of every academic quarter, the studious students of the University of California at Los Angeles try to shake off the stress of their studies by participating in a mass midnight jog around their Westwood campus. Such a traditional trot is known as the UCLA Undie Run.

UCLA Undie Run

Luckily, LAIST has compiled a photo essay of the semi-nude saunter. And we’ve gone one better by offering some of the hotter highlights of the risque run. Further pics that will pique your interest are after the jump.

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