Coyotes’ Backup Goalie Has All-Star Caliber Mask

Jason LaBarbera, a career backup goalie on his third team in as many seasons in the league (fourth overall), is just a couple months shy of his 30th birthday and doesn’t show any signs of being a big-time goalkeeper. Only the more ardent NHL fans would know off the top of their heads who LaBarbera is. But it’s time to know him for, well, what’s on the top of his head.

Jason LaBarbera Mask

That’s LaBarbera’s goalie mask this season, and if you’re wondering, yes, that is the Ultimate Warrior on LaBarbera’s mask. Less immediately obvious but no less awesome: that’s also Pearl Jam’s Eddie Vedder on one side. More views of the mask and the mask it usurps as “best in the NHL,” according to the imaginary Things I Just Decided Institute, after the break.

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Week In Review: So Long, Simona Halep’s Hooters

• Romanian teen tennis player Simona Halep goes through on her threat to get a breast reduction. We’ll never look at her the same way again.

Simona Halep's First Photo After Breast Reduction Surgery

• Chiefs RB Larry Johnson spends his offseason in Las Vegas, where he’s buying large champagne bottles for some thirsty ladies.

• The Ultimate Warrior shares his thoughts on the late Michael Jackson.

• Green Bay Packers QB Aaron Rodgers grabs himself a girlfriend in gorgeous grapefruit heiress Julie Henderson.

• Italian swimmer Flavia Zoccari feels more cheeky than usual, as her swimsuit splits at the seat during a meet.

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Ultimate Warrior Goes Wacko On The Late Jacko

• The Ultimate Warrior is nice enough to add his two ultimate cents on the dearly departed Michael Jackson.

Ultimate Warrior Michael Jackson

Christian Laettner is being sued by Shawne Merriman. CL better get a good lawyer and an even better bodyguard.

• A Texas Longhorns lineman learns the hard way why you shouldn’t text & drive by plowing into a co-ed’s apartment.

• An Aussie rugby coach is serious enough about drunken behavior on his team that he fines himself $10,000 for stumbling into the wrong hotel room.

Larry Johnson shows he can treat the ladies right by buying some gals in Vegas a really big champagne bottle.

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New Comically Late Uniform Ruling Hits Blair, Pitt

It was only a short week ago when an “illegal uniform” technical was called on an Illinois high school during their title game, and their margin of defeat was that one free throw. Oh, and the call was the first technical of the sort they’d been issued all season long. Now it looks like “nofunski basketball Stalinists waiting until March to enforce obscure rules” isn’t just a one-off occasion, but a practice.

DeJuan Blair arm thingies
(As you’ll never see him again.)

That’s Pitt’s beastman forward, DeJuan Blair. On those mammoth arms, Blair has helped carry the Panthers to the Elite 8, where they face familiar Big East foe Villanova tonight. He’ll look different, though, as accordng to PITTSBURGH TRIBUNE-REVIEW, the NCAA has finally decided those double-biceps armbands had to go. Immediately. Read more…

Vince McMahon Demands Wrestling Be Realistic

One of the worst parts of childhood is growing up to understand that a lot of the things you held dearest are a bunch of crap.  Santa Claus?  Your dad in a fat suit.  The Easter Bunny?  Come on.  You thought that was real?   The tooth fairy?  That’s just a bunch of crap to get you to go see a dentist.   Still, there was one thing I learned growing up that crushed me more than finding out any of those three weren’t real.   I remember the day my cousin told me wrestling was fake.

I felt as my entire soul was being torn apart at the seams.   My parents always told me it was fake, but I never believed them.  My cousin, on the other hand, was a wrestling fan and had no reason to lie to me.   It was horrible, I thought the Ultimate Warrior really was an Ultimate Warrior, and now I found out he was just some roid raging psycho with a penchant for face paint.   Thankfully, Vince McMahon realizes the pain this causes young children worldwide, and he wants to do something about it.

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Blog-O-Rama: Presenting The Next Erin Andrews

• MR. IRRELEVANT exposes Allie LaForce, a former Miss Ohio & the next Erin Andrews:

Allie LaForce

Oh, and the current Erin Andrews:

Erin Andrews Skin-Tight Pants Photos

Why, she even has her own website up & running! (Which appears to have bee left idle since 2005. Maybe Dan Patrick checks this site everyday, too.)

• AWFUL ANNOUNCING hears that Bob Costas is none too pleased about HBO canceling “Inside the NFL”.

• BILLBOARD is Keeping The Faith that Billy Joel will perform the last-ever concert at Shea Stadium.

• HUGGING HAROLD REYNOLDS slams word that the (formerly Ultimate) Warrior just can’t let Heath Ledger’s death go.

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