That’s a quote from Dana White today, as he expounded on Brock Lesnar’s mysterious illness. An ailment that was revealed by White Monday as being intestinal based and that will require surgery.

(White’s p.r. treatment of Lesnar illness reminds WWE)

Sunday White made some alarmingly vague comments about Lesnar’s condition, saying that although Lesnar didn’t have Cancer or AIDs, his situation was extremely serious. And that he first experienced the illness while in Canada.

White’s comments obviously caused everyone’s mind to run wild, so he clarified today. A little. Read more…

If you’ve been here awhile, you know that I’ve oft-savored the small-screen performances of UFC President Dana White. Because of the media spotlight on his off-color, hate-filled rants of the past, White was basically forced to rip down his previous Vlog on Youtube and ended up losing the chance to star in his own reality show.

But I’m happy to report that White is back at it, and we have a full statistical analysis of his latest Vlog post - plus video. (Not Safe For Work.) Read more…

Main Entry: dis·pa·rate
Pronunciation: \ˈdis-p(ə-)rət, di-ˈsper-ət, -ˈspa-rət\
Function: adjective
Etymology: Middle English desparat, from Latin disparatus, past participle of disparare to separate, from dis- + parare to prepare

1 : containing or made up of fundamentally different and often incongruous elements
2 : markedly distinct in quality or character

(Some of UFC’s many sponsors on display.)

An enterprising young cameraman representing ULTMMA.COM (we assume the ULT stands for “ultimate” and that it’s not an acronym for, like, “unitards, leotards, and thongs”; that would be a horrible development for the sport) caught up with MMA head honcho Dana White down in Arizona recently. During the 5-minute interview, which was only mildly profane and thus White at his most subdued, White claims (among other things) that he and UFC don’t need “blue-chip” sponsors. That he was only in Arizona to attend a finance convention doesn’t seem to affect such a statement. Video of the interview (NSFW language) is after the break.

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You might recall last week, when Herschel Walker was signed to Strikeforce among giggles and wide-eyed stares. Yes, he’s one of the most athletic men of his generation and he’s well-trained in martial arts… but he’s 47 and hasn’t even played in the NFL since 1997, nor is he trained in MMA yet. The three words running through most peoples’ minds were “what,” “the,” and “hell,” usually in that order.

(…Sort Of!)

As you might imagine, Dana White caught wind of the news, and when pressed for comment, laughed for 45 minutes straight. Okay, that’s not true, but White ridiculed the signing and called it “dumb competition.” Typical White, really. Walker, upon catching wind of the news, decided the right thing to do was challenge White to a duel of fisticuffs. This should end well.

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Few professions allow, nay - encourage, their practitioners to be so constantly and egregiously wrong as that of Mainstream Sports Columnist. Their entire careers are predicated on comforting their fellow old white men’s opinions that all change is bad, the NBA is full of “thugs,” and baseball statistics are the worst thing to happen in sports, ever.

(Would you call either of these men gay to their face?) 

Such professional contrarianism has been lucrative for Dallas columnist Tim Cowlishaw, who has played his whitebread opinions into a daily gig yelling at his colleagues on ESPN’s “Around The Horn.” Not content to hate everything new and changing about the nation’s mainstream sports,  he has now decided to focus his bland, toothless vitriol on the fastest-growing sport in the country: MMA. And he might have just, finally, gone too far.

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We ruminated yesterday on Rampage Jackson forsaking his scheduled UFC bout with Rashad Evans to run off and star in a movie adaptation of “The A-Team.” Now another MMA star is heading to big screen, only this time the project is a bit more prestigious (sorry, Mr. T).

Gina Carano, loser of the recent  “Carano vs. Cyborg” showdown with Cristiane Santos but still a winner to me, has been chosen for the leading role in the Steven Soderbergh spy thriller “Knockout.” See what they did there with the double meaning in the title? Oh Hollywood, you witty weaver of irony. Read more…

I want to be a fan of Mixed Martial Arts, I really do. But every time they just about have me won over, something like this pops up to remind me that it may not be totally ready for prime time. How am I supposed to take a sport seriously whose biggest controversy is whether or not Quinton Rampage Jackson is going to star in “The A-Team”?

Jackson, of course, was supposed to meet Rashad Evans at the UFC 107 main event on Dec. 12 — infamous foreshadowing in the photo above and video below. But Rampage has been scrapped from the card because, according to UFC president Dana White, he has a feature role in the new A-Team movie. Read more…

UFC front man Dana White is rarely one to shy away from self promotion, so it was a little surprising to hear earlier this month his announcement (via Twitter, natch) that he would be ending his regular video blogs on YouTube. What could possibly be the reason for such uncharacteristic restraint from White? Gee, it wouldn’t have anything to do with calling reporter Loretta Hunt a “f–ing dumb bitch,” would it? Or perhaps that advertisers, TV producers, and most of the non-tribal-tatted world frowns upon such vile, misogynistic behavior?

Well, not according to White, who held his traditional pre-fight press conference extravaganza yesterday in anticipation of UFC 102.  Of course not. So what was the pesky reason behind dropping one of his most popular features among MMA meatheads?

It’s the economy, stupid! Hey, at least he didn’t blame it on swine flu.

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• Olympic gymnast Nastia Liukin puts Twitter to very good use - by putting up pretty pictures of herself.

• Don’t you worry, Michael Vick - Chris Rock has got your back!

• Cyclists & joggers, be on the lookout for the Delaware Blow-Dart Bandit.

• Roadrunner’s revenge: A NASCAR driver going 190 mph gruesomely gets a coyote embedded in his grill.

• Colorado Buffaloes cornerback Ben Burley is banned from blogging after writing about the woman he woke up to in his bed.

Read more…

Say that you’re a guy who wants to start a career in UFC, but there’s no one around in your neighborhood to fight. Oh, and also you’re an idiot. Your mission is clear — start throwing rocks at random strangers, and hope you get your ass kicked.

That’s what a genius in Silverdale, Washington, did recently - police saying that he was “begging for a fight” by provoking a group of men and boys near a TJ Maxx store, because he was in training to be a UFC fighter and wanted to experience being pummeled. Instead, he got tackled by a sheriff’s deputy, and is now in Kitsap County Jail. Read more…