Youth Baseball Coach Gets Life For Molesting Kids

Well, they don’t fool around in Texas, I suppose. William Jacobsen, a youth baseball coach from Little River-Academy, will spend the rest of his life in prison without the possibilty of parole for sexually abusing two boys, one who played on his Little League team. Jacobsen, 32, was arrested in Mexico where he had fled with his wife, Marilyn Wesson, 58, after initial police questioning. (Frances McDormand in “Fargo”: “He’s fleeing the interview! He’s fleeing the interview!”)

William Jacobsen

Jacobsen was the first person indicted and tried in Bell County under a new law that went into effect in 2007, which raised the punishment range between 25 years to life in prison without parole for continuous sexual assault crimes that occur beyond a 30-day period. What makes me especially unsympathetic is the fact that he threatened to harm the families of two other kids if they talked about the abuse. Charming fellow.

Read more…

Cheerleader Rips Off Wheelchair-Bound Moppet?

In a story which surely proves that mankind is pretty much just running out the clock at this point, a high school cheerleader in Marietta, Georgia, has been arrested for stealing a cash box right from the lap of a 9-year-old girl in a wheelchair. Yep. So, we’re closing society for a while until we get this fixed. Sorry for the inconvenience.

Chelsea Steele

Meet Chelsea Steele of Sprayberry High, who on Friday walked up to a group of young girls who were selling Fourth of July t-shirts and hats at a neighborhood pool. Proceeds were to go to the father of two of the girls, who was trying to save his embroidery business. Steele began talking to the dad, then turned and snatched the cash box. Read more…

Mexican Mini Wrestlers And Prostitutes Don’t Mix

What you’ve always feared has unfortunately come true: Brothers Alberto and Alejandro Jiminez, better known to mini-wrestling fans as La Parkita and Espectrito Jr., were found dead in their Mexico City hotel room on Monday after an apparent romp with hookers. Will the tragic celebrity deaths never end? Why, oh why did La Parkita and Espectrito have to consort with ladies of the evening?

Actually this is a, pardon the expression, big deal in Mexico and in wrestling circles. The brothers, pioneers in the resurgence of what is commonly referred to as midget wrestling, were reportedly approached by prostitutes on Sunday night, brought them to their hotel room, but did not emerge when the women later left the room. They were later found dead in their beds. Police say that it is common practice in Mexico for prostitutes to rob customers by spiking their drinks so that they pass out. Video of the wrestlers in action (in the ring!) following the jump. Read more…

Stun Gun Cheerleader Mom Sentenced To 5 Years

It’s confirmed: Using a stun gun to zap a cheerleading coach in the neck is probably not the best way to get her to let your friend’s daughter onto the team. It happened in April of 2008 in Warr Acres, Okla., where LeShawn Fisher attacked cheerleading coach Bethany Lorenz in the parking lot of Putnam City North High School. With a stun gun. Hey, she just wanted her to listen to reason!

LeShawn Fisher

Fisher said she was trying to talk to the coach on behalf of her friend, Julie Ann Bell, whose daughter had been cut from the cheerleading team. Fisher craftily approached Lorenz in the parking lot as the latter was getting into her car, then used the old “Look at that over there!” ruse before applying the Zzzzzppptt! Was that wrong? Should I not have done that? On Wednesday, Fisher was sentenced to five years in prison for the attack. Bell was acquitted in a separate trial. Hmm; the wheels of stun-gun justice seem to turn slowly in Oklahoma. Read more…

Steal Lance’s Bike, Go To Prison For Three Years

The storybook criminal career of Lee Monroe Crider ended not how we thought it would — in a blaze of machine gun fire with G-Men while accompanied by a mysterious Lady in Red — but in a nondescript Sacramento courtroom. That’s where Public Enemy No. 1 received three years in the Graybar Hotel for one of the greatest atrocities one could imagine - stealing Lance Armstrong’s bike. They should have hung him!

Lance Armstrong, Lee Monroe Crider

Actually, Crider will be sentenced on Monday, where he is expected to get three years pounding rocks on Devil’s Island. Which of course begs the question: If Donte’ Stallworth had stolen a bike instead of, you know, killing a pedestrian while driving drunk, do you think he would have received more than 30 days? Read more…

Shotput Beer Takedown Recounted By Eyewitness

We all remember Kayte Taylor, the Santa Rosa, California, woman who prevented a thief from stealing her wallet by shotputting a case of Miller Lite at the man, knocking him off of his getaway bike. Now an eyewitness has come forward, relating to SPORTSbyBROOKS never-before-heard details of the harrowing incident.

Beer Slogan

Bonnie Davis, a co-worker and friend of Taylor’s, was with her and two other friends on Saturday when they made a stop at a local market on their way to work. Taylor and one other girl went into the store, while Davis and the other friend, Julia, waited in the car. Here’s Davis’ description of what happened next:

Read more…

When Groundskeepers Go Bad: Drug Bust In Idaho

Police raided a swank golf and country club in McCall, Idaho, on Monday and seized a half-pound of cocaine, arresting the head groundskeeper and 12 other course employees. Judge Smails is going to be really pissed when he finds out.

Carl Spackler

Jose Guadalupe Gonzalez Valdez was named as the ringleader of the operation, with Valley County sheriff’s deputies finding most of the cocaine in his home, which is on the property of the swank Whitetail Golf Resort. Well, it could have been worse I suppose. “Correct me if I’m wrong, but if I kill all the golfers, they’ll lock me up and throw away the key.” Read more…

“Ladies’ Swimsuit Guy” Continues Reign of Terror

Yes, America is a land of sweeping opportunity and self expression, but here’s a sobering reminder that sometimes our freedoms have horrifying consequences. Police in Sugarcreek Township, Ohio, near Dayton, are still searching for a man who is harassing young girls while wearing a one-piece women’s bathing suit.

Not actually the Sugarcreek Flasher

My first thought of course is whether Cristiano Ronaldo can account for his whereabouts on the day in question. But this isn’t the first time something like this has happened in Sugarcreek. Read more…

Hocking Your Players’ Possessions Is Educational

Step 1: Become youth volleyball coach. Step 2: Ask player to remove jewelry before match. Step 3: Profit. A St. Petersburg, Florida, recreation center volleyball coach who took a necklace from one of her players for “safekeeping” evidently decided that the most secure place to store it would be the local pawn shop. And in her defense, those places do have bars on the windows.

Jennifer Guarino

Meet Jennifer Guarino, 20, a coach who allegedly used the easy method above to score a sweet payday. Meet me at Chili’s … El Nino margaritas for everyone! The only trouble was, though, she got caught.

Read more…