If you didn’t know by now, the NFL has a state-of-the-art website with lots of features, not excluding a standings page. Right there on the left we have a ‘W,’ ‘L,’ and ‘T.’ There they are. Win, loss, and tie. Donovan McNabb doesn’t need the NFL.com website to see what’s going on in the standings. He knows who has how many wins and losses. But what if, say, his Eagles are tied 13-13 with the Bengals after an overtime frame?
Why, the game ends in a tie, of course. But McNabb — this has to be a fake video, according to my tentative faith in humanity — didn’t know ties were a rule in the NFL. Moreover, he said, “I hate to see what would happen in the Super Bowl and in the playoffs.” We here at SbB obtained exclusive footage of the reporters in the press conference:
All he knew was that “the game would continue until someone scored”, which in all fairness is I think what the referee does say prior to every overtime rule. The striped men never mention the possibility of a tie, and perhaps McNabb thought those were the complete rules of overtime. That’s the only possible reason I can use to defend McNabb’s ignorance.
But if I’m playing all-time lawyer, I can turn around and say that one the last teams to play in a tie game — the 2002 Atlanta Falcons — played McNabb’s Eagles in the playoffs that year. Your witness, me.
I now call to the stand: Jimmie Johnson.
It’s probably the most under-represented major sport on the Internet, but Johnson has won three straight championships in the Sprint Cup, something only Cale Yarborough has done in NASCAR’s top level of racing. SPORTS ILLUSTRATED lists the five reasons he won, omitting everything except the Cubs-esque Kyle Busch implosion. Oh, and his crew is already looking ahead to a fourth straight Cup in 2009. This could be Lance Armstrong-type stuff here.
And now we move onto news that could have happened but didn’t so it’s even bigger news. ESPN’s primadonna-following minstrel Pedro Gomez reports that if the Boston Red Sox weren’t able to trade Manny Ramirez, the Sawx probably would have suspended him. But they didn’t suspend him, and they ended up trading him. But we’re just finding out about this now, so we’re interested now. And even though we didn’t know this then, we knew there was tension between Ramirez and the Red Sox, so this news changes nothing about any of our premonitions of Ramirez or the Red Sox or Belgian waffles. Because Belgian waffles rule.
Seriously, you can’t tell me that those waffles would be immediately eaten by you if they were on your plate instead of whatever stale, bland breakfast you pulled out of a wrapper this morning. Look at ‘em. All sugary and waffly and full of compartments where syrup can collect, and then you can put different syrups in different compartments because you’re OCD and need to have organized delicious breakfasts. You’re pretty sure if Brooks took photographs of beautiful waffles in exotic locales — many with big, bountiful “compartments” — his business would take off and go mainstream. You’re going to skip work and head out to IHOP right now, aren’t you?
See? I made you forget about Manny Ramirez and the Red Sox, and you are happier for it. My work here is done.
Check that. My work actually isn’t done. There are still links to visit. All of them. Click on every single one. Full disclosure: I do not get a bonus for that.
- THE SCORES REPORT says the fix is in. The Steelers needed three points to cover the spread, but they won 11-10. Had Troy Polamalu’s wacky touchdown in the final play stayed on the board, they’d have won by seven (or eight) points. Did any men who looked like they worked at Foot Locker get one-way tickets to Vegas in the last 24 hours?
- FOOD COURT LUNCH’s resident potato wonders what it’d be like if Stephon Marbury joined the Spurs.
- Did Shaq foul Rodney Stuckey hard, or was it just physics? FANHOUSE notes how O’Neal uses laws inertia to explain why the diminutive Pistons guard hit the floor hard after running into the Suns center mid-air.
- Joe Maddon may have won AL Manager of the Year, but blogger David Chalk is NOT content on Maddon gathering only 27 of 28 first place votes. So he gets into a perplexing e-mail Q&A with the one writer who voted for Ron Gardenhire. Another criminal behind bars. All in a day’s work.
- MLIVE’s Tom Kowalski is pretty sure Rod Marinelli is done in Detroit, which makes sense since they’re now 0-10 and the coach gave the verbal business to a reporter after the game. But the GRAND RAPIDS PRESS’ Brian VanOchten says that Daunte Culpepper, if nothing else, has gotten them closer than ever to a win.
- PUCK DADDY grabs video of Barry Melrose’s interview on HOCKEY NIGHT IN CANADA after getting canned by the Tampa Bay Lightning. This just reinforces my thoughts written on this site six months ago regarding this subject: what the f$#@ was Tampa Bay thinking hiring this guy? And what was Melrose thinking by accepting the job? His old job at ESPN isn’t there anymore!
- The SOUTH BEND TRIBUNE has some intelligent headline writers regarding the Navy-Notre Dame game, and the Irish’s near-fatal decision to pull starters in the fourth quarter.
- BUSTED COVERAGE discovers the wild hairstylings of college hoops D-lister Paul Nelson of NAIA’s Paul Quinn College, who played against Baylor University. Unfrozen Caveman Forward?
- What does a brother have to do to win at Duke in non-conference play? The University of Rhode Island finds out eight 3-point baskets by one Jimmy Baron isn’t enough, THE PROVIDENCE JOURNAL reports. Duke escaped with an 82-79 victory and BLEACHER REPORT notices that Duke had way more free throw attempts in the game.
- And finally, Snoop Dogg had to evacuate because of the fires. If a blaze does engulf his home, heaven forbid, that’ll be one mellow part of the world.
