Speed Read: Overrated, Clap Clap, Clap Clap Clap

Because no battle is ever won, he said. They are not even fought. The field only reveals to man his own folly and despair, and victory is an illusion of philosophers and fools. - William Faulker, “The Sound and the Fury”

That was written by Mississippi’s “greatest author,” who I also thought was kind of overrated. Which, it turns out, could easily apply on multiple levels to the Ole Miss football team. On a national stage and with a No. 4 ranking, the Rebels completely imploded, falling 16-10 at South Carolina last night. It may or may not be true that no battle is ever won, but for Ole Miss, this one was certainly lost.

Moe Brown of South Carolina

Mainly it was lost for two reasons: QB Jevan Snead had a miserable game, going 7 for 21 for 107 yards while being pressured by the Gamecocks’ defense all night. And Houston Nutt’s game plan reminded you of why he was barely a .500 coach with a backfield of Felix Jones and Darren McFadden at Arkansas. Nutt seemed unable to accept that the passing game just wasn’t working, and waited until the fourth quarter to turn to running back Dexter McLuster. He ran for 68 yards in the final quarter, but by then it was too little, too late. Read more…

I Can Haz Last Place In American League Central?

They say that animals can sense an impending natural disaster — dogs, for instance, will detect earthquakes and run for cover minutes before they hit. So it’s no wonder that this kitty, finding itself at a Kansas City Royals game, panicked and sprinted across the field in confusion and terror.

Royals Fail Cat

While this encounter doesn’t quite measure up to the Cubs’ legendary “Black Cat Curse” of Sept., 1969, it is amusing nonetheless. And just as damaging in the long run. Due perhaps to two separate Fail Cats, neither the ‘69 Cubs nor the ‘09 Royals got/will get to the playoffs. Read more…

Tiger Woods Wins Again; Blake Griffin Is Number 1

• As Dan Patrick would say, you cannot stop Tiger Woods, you can only hope to contain him (or hope he hurts his knee again).

Tiger Woods Maria Sharapova Gatorade

Thanks, Gatorade Lady! (Unfortunately, it’s not Maria Sharapova.)

• Oklahoma b-ball star Blake Griffin shows the world that he’s number 1.

• The Buffalo Bills use Twitter to tell everyone that Ralph Wilson isn’t dead. And it better really be the Bills on Twitter - otherwise someone’s gonna have a lawsuit on their hands.

• Former Hornets GM tries to explain why he traded away Kobe Bryant.

• St. Louis Cardinal Rick Ankiel finds it stimulating to Google himself.

Read more…

Royals Skipper Says God Talks To Him. Okay Then

We don’t normally make it a point to mock other peoples’ religion; One of the nastiest things you can do to someone is dismiss their most fervently held beliefs, after all. Yet at the same time, crazy behavior is crazy behavior, no matter where it all stems from, and when a sitting Major League manager professes to take professional advice from God, well, we must comment.

Trey Hillman Talks To Not People
(”Let us pray. Very good. Your stoic silence is an inspiration to us all.”)

That’s Royals manager Trey Hillman, apparently trying to convert some crash test dummies. Actually, we’re told that’s the Royals’ bullpen lineup for 2009. We digress. Hillman is very, very Christian. He’s much more Christian than you are. If Christianity were an eating disorder, you would be able to play the xylophone on Hillman’s ribs. And unlike you, borderline heathen, Hillman doesn’t even need unrequited faith, because according to the KANSAS CITY STAR, God tells him personally (!!!) what to do: Read more…

Reserve Infielder Solves Royals’ Pitching Problems

After seeing the Detroit Tigers put up 19 runs through eight innings of play against Luke Hochevar, Robinson Tejeda, Jimmy Gobble and Leo Nunez - all guys listed with the word “Pitcher” next to their name in the Kansas City Royals’ media guide - manager Trey Hillman decided to go in a different direction in the ninth inning.

Tony Pena Jr Pitches

Trailing 19-4, Hillman must have wanted to save the arms of a pitching staff with a collective ERA of 4.68 (2nd worst in the AL) for a more meaningful game - like “Dodge Buck Night” on August 8th against the Minnesota Twins, where hot dogs, peanuts and soft drinks are just a $1 each. (In this struggling economy, that’s a meaningful game even if the Royals are 11 games back.)

With very few options remaining, the manager turned to reserve infielder Tony Pena Jr. to follow up Gobble’s 10-run debacle in the eighth to close out the game.

Read more…