Did Tom Cable Clobber Raiders’ Assistant Coach?

Holy Buddy Ryan — did Tom Cable really break the jaw of Oakland Raiders assistant coach Randy Hanson at practice recently? In a story first reported by the NATIONAL FOOTBALL POST this morning, and now being confirmed by the SAN JOSE MERCURY NEWS, Cable was involved in “an altercation” with one of his assistants earlier this month at the team’s Napa practice facility, and that assistant was treated for a broken jaw at Queen of the Valley Hospital on August 6.

Tom Cable, Randy Hanson

Welcome to Al Davis’ world, in case you’re new to all of this. It’s a land ruled by dysfunction, where Davis and his flying monkeys watch practice in a crystal ball from a castle tower, coaches come and go with the frequency of a Tokyo subway train, and disputes are settled the old-fashioned way.

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Did Orton Get Nod To Spare Grossman’s Feelings?

It’s hardly surprising that Bears head coach Lovie Smith has named Kyle Orton the starting quarterback for the preseason opener against the Chiefs tomorrow. Partly because Orton was thrust into the role during his rookie season in 2005 and the team won 11 games, but also because Rex Grossman is his primary competition for the full-time job.

Rex Grossman's mad face

Nothing has officially been decided for the season — Smith indicated that Grossman would start next week’s preseason game in Seattle — but the CHICAGO SUN-TIMES’ Brad Briggs has an interesting theory on why Orton will be under center at Soldier Field tomorrow night:

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Panthers Could Look To Trade Punch-Happy Smith

Hmm. Apparently, NFL teams frown upon intrasquad beatdowns. Last week, the Carolina Panthers’ Steve Smith went all “Michael Westbrook on teammate Ken Lucas (reprising the role of Stephen Davis), the team promptly suspended the Pro Bowl wide receiver for two games, everybody kissed and made up, and we’re all ready to move forward.

Steve Smith might be traded

Except, maybe Carolina’s front office. According to Matt Mosley of THE BLOG FORMERLY KNOWN AS HASHMARKS, Smith’s surly disposition and penchant for Debo-ing teammates (language NSFW) could be his ticket out of town.

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Favre Doesn’t Want To Be A Distraction To Pack

As we enter day number 4,320 of the Brett Favre Saga in Green Bay, all signs are starting to point to Favre not playing for the Green Bay Packers this season. Sure, he’s in camp with them, but he doesn’t want to be there and they don’t want him there. It’s kind of like when you break up with a girl, and even though both of you know you’re better off without each other, you keep sleeping together until something better comes along.

Brett Favre point

It seems that Brett has had an epiphany, though, because after talking to head coach Mike McCarthy and general manager Ted Thompson the grizzled vet is finally realizing he may become a distraction in Packers camp. (In other news, Paris Hilton just realized she has no talent.) You know, because this story and his on again-off again retirement dance hasn’t already been one. Brett’s also ready to admit that he’s just not as good as the one called Aaron Rodgers.

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Smith Says He’s Sorry, Lucas Needs A New Nose

While Ken Lucas is back practicing with the Panthers this afternoon after getting beaten up by teammate Steve Smith on Friday, not all is finer in Carolina. Yes, Smith issued an apology for his actions this morning, and both he and Lucas say they’ve talked about the fight and are putting it behind them, but it turns out that Smith isn’t the only one who is going to miss some time thanks to the melee.

Ken Lucas needs a nose job

While Steve has been suspended by the team for their first two regular season games, it turns out Ken is going to miss 2-3 weeks, too, thanks to surgery he’s going to need on his nose. Read more…

Jessica Simpson Wiggles On Webcam For Romo

NFL training camp is a long and boring process for NFL players. Most of the time, camp is held in some tiny little town that only has one bar and no other forms of entertainment. How is a professional athlete supposed to get through the day without a strip club or a casino to blow their money at? After all, after a full day of knocking heads with your teammates in ninety degree heat, a guy needs a place to blow off some steam.

Jessica Simpson strips for Romo

Which is where Jessica Simpson comes in awfully handy for Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo. Jessica isn’t allowed at the Cowboys training camp in Oxnard, California, but that doesn’t mean she can’t be there to give Tony the emotional support he needs. That’s why Jessica has started performing her best stripper routines for Tony via webcam.

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