Apparently, the Toronto Raptors’ players just don’t appreciate what David Stern does every day to feed and clothe them.  He works his fingers to the bone to provide for all his players, big and small.  And do you hear him complain? No. He does it out of love. And how do the Raptors pay him back?

They complain about the way he’s clothing them.   “Waaah… we don’t want to dress like the Celtics just because it’s St. Patrick’s Day.  We’re our own team.  We’re all, ‘Grr!  We’re raptors!  We’re mean and we eat lawyers and stuff!’”

Look, Commisioner Stern means the best for you.  If that means wearing the 87th alternate jersey of the season to make more money for YOUR salary cap (but mostly for the owners), you’ll do it!

Read more…

Toronto’s Spanish-born point guard, Jose Calderon, is a very good shooter, whether it be from the free throw stripe, the field, or behind the arc. I know that because I had him on my fantasy basketball team one season. I think I dropped, like, Rasho Nesterovic for him. He is also part owner of a hog farm in Spain, which is something I did not learn from fantasy basketball. How would you even quantify that? “Hog farms owned” is not a useful basketball stat.

(”As point guard, I demand that all our play calls are pork-based! Deal with it!”)

In an interview with HOOP MAGAZINE, Calderon is quick to point out that he’s not a hog farmer, per se; he’s one of several people who owns the farm and uses it to make Spanish ham, or pata negra, which Calderon says is the world’s best ham. And what makes it the world’s best? Calderon says it’s the diet, which is surprisingly not a euphemism for “choking the pig out with massive amounts of hormones.” Read more…

• For those of you Tucson TV viewers who had their Super Bowl interrupted by a schlong, Comcast would like to pay you $10 for your troubles.

(The young lady on the right was smiling about seeing something just as long as Larry Fitzgerald’s go-ahead TD reception)

• Kobe Bryant helps the Lakers knock off the Knicks with an MSG-record 61 point performance.

• Marquette basketball coach Buzz Williams feels stung by an innocent media question.

• Manny Ramirez says no thanks to the Dodgers’ $25 million offer.

Read more…

ESPN’s Stephen A. Smith caused quite an uproar on Monday when he said that Chris Bosh could be traded before the NBA’s deadline on February 19th because not only are the Raptors a putrid 19-30, but because Bosh had already told the Raptors there was no way he was staying in Toronto after his contract expired next season. You can see the video of Smith’s report here. Now what Smith didn’t do is say who his sources for Bosh’s admission to the team were. Maybe it was the cheese doodles?

Now as you’d expect, the Raptors weren’t very happy about Smith’s report, seeing as how they were proclaiming that Bosh had never said anything of the sort to the team, and they weren’t about to trade the centerpiece of their franchise. Now Bosh himself is coming out and saying that he’s never told the team he plans on leaving after next season, and basically that Smith is making the whole thing up.

Read more…

There’s a reason youngsters spend hours outside, chucking free throws and practicing their jump shots, counting down “3-2-1″ in their heads before launching a desperation shot. It’s not for the glory, or for the love of the game, or even the massive amount of ladies associated with such a career. It’s for the perks, and they are legion. But as this story by the TORONTO STAR attests, no matter how much bling a player receives, they’ll always remember how horrible their lives used to be.

(Roko Ukic still can’t get over the size of his suite)

The report, previewing tonight’s Raptors-Lakers tilt, is kind of hilarious in a “Crocodile Dundee 2″ kind of way. It tells the story of these hick backwoods Raptors players coming into the Los Angeles metropolis and becoming amazing by this high-fallutin’ city life, what with these auto-mobiles moving around and the electricities.

Read more…

Doug Smith of the TORONTO STAR has Toronto Raptors Coach Sam Mitchell dreaming the impossible dream this season. No, he isn’t imagining an NBA title north of the border.

(Funny, Sam didn’t mention obscene gestures in his pledge…)

Instead, Mitchell says he is going to go the entire season without cursing.

In a never-ending quest for self-improvement, Sam Mitchell swears that he will swear no more and points to two months of profanity-free living as proof. Those, however, were two summer months with spent mainly with his wife and four daughters; a much sterner test of his willpower comes with the onset of the NBA season and the Raptor coach knows it.

“Now, I haven’t had Kris Humphries on the court yet, I haven’t had Jamario (Moon) yet, Those are going to be my tests.“

FOUR DAUGHTERS? Don’t sell yourself short, Sam.

The best part of this story though of course is the widely-circulated photo Mitchell is pictured in above.
Read more…

• Nick Saban may be the most powerful coach in sports, but as Adam Rose of the LOS ANGELES TIMES points out, it was actually Pete Carroll who became college football’s first $4 million man.

All that moolah can sure buy a lot of Lotrimin.

• NESW SPORTS punches up video of Beijing’s adorable Fuwa mascots mixing it up on the mat.

• STANLEY CUP OF CHOWDER serves up some of their favorite names from this year’s Games, such as Destinee Hooker and Gisele Moron.

• DEUCE OF DAVENPORT wrestles up a clip of Tiki Barber grappling on the NBC set with former Olympian Rulon Gardner.

Read more…

By now, everyone’s seen Spain’s famous slit-eyed photo. It’s a real dandy. Comedy genius at its finest.

Of course, once the photo leaked yesterday, it was pretty obvious there would be an uproar — perhaps loudest from the host nation. Now that the uproar’s in full swing, Spain has to make its apology, which surely means a heartfelt response to the concerns of a billion people, right?

Um, not so much.

Read more…

• THE LONDON SUN catches David Beckham checking out the great view from his courtside Lakers seats.

• THE BLOWTORCH burns through the NBA rosters to find the worst player on each playoff team. Today’s lucky winner - Joey Graham of the Toronto Raptors.

• THE SPORTING BLOG jiggles their joystick, as Madden 09 will let gamers control their own touchdown celebrations.

• AZ SPORTS HUB comes across a couple of Suns fans expressing their support of Steve Nash by way of Eminem.

Read more…

Chris Bosh has a simple request to Toronto basketball fans: Get rowdy!

And the Raptors forward is once again using YouTube to spread wide his message to the masses. Last time, Bosh humorously pleaded with NBA fans to vote him to New Orleans for the All-Star Game. But now he has a new favor to ask, and it concerns his home court.

(Video after the jump.)

Read more…