There probably aren’t any statistics to bear this out, but we’re pretty damned sure that the lowest ratio of IQ-to-income among all professions belongs to athletes, who display an uncanny ability to blow through unholy amounts of money as soon as they get it. That’s not news, of course, but it makes them prime targets for people looking for an easy dollar.

(This man is your hero.)

Cyber-squatters, of course, are some such people, and one in particular made an effort to claim the names of hundreds upon hundreds of athletes. Unfortunately, one of those athletes just so happened to be Chris Bosh. Bosh does have money, but rather than cough up a cent for his eponymous domain name, he used said money on lawyers, who have the “get rich off rich people” game on lock. A (metaphorical) layup in court later, and over 800 domain names are free, including some absolute gems.

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One of my small indulgences over the years has been rap in languages that I don’t have a damned prayer of understanding. Case in point, “Saker Och Ting” by Petter. He sure sounds angry, but for all I know, he’s rapping about bunny rabbits, rainbows, and smiling. You foreign people with your moonman words!

(This is not an unrelated picture. It’s actually TurkCell’s logo. I don’t know why.)

Now we’ve got an unlikely entrant into the genre, though. Hedo Turkoglu, fresh off his free-agency payday with the Toronto Raptors, decided to cut a commercial for TurkCell, the leading cell phone company in his native Turkey. It’s, uh… it’s interesting.

(Video after the jump.)

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Chris Bosh is a man of many talents. To call him a “Renaissance Man” is to devalue the term to its lowest point in recorded history, but let’s give him some credit: he’s a world-class basketball player, a comedian, and a weatherman. The only other person who can claim all those three qualities is Al Roker. Dude, Roker can ball.

(Bosh also has the “I’m pretending to listen to music” face down cold.)

And though Bosh remains in the black hole of media attention that is the Raptors franchise, Warner Music Canada has at least noticed Bosh’s off-court exploits and was sufficiently impressed to sign the big man to a CD and DVD deal for later this year, according to CANADA.COM. I see some furrowed brows out there, but allow Bosh himself to reassure you - he’s not going to rap (pops to PDF):

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Sam Young, the former Pittsburgh Panthers basketball star who isn’t DeJuan Blair, is getting ready for the June 25 NBA Draft. In preparation for his possible picking, Sam has been trying out with different teams.

One of those teams was the Toronto Raptors. While working out with the Canadian club last weekend (man, I could sure go for some Canadian Club right now), Young was trying to see how high he could get. No, he wasn’t hanging with Corie Blount - Sam was testing his vertical leap.

You would think jumping up wouldn’t be so dangerous, but it turned out to be a painful experience for Young - not for his feet, but his arm, thanks to a wayward screw.

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• Gorgeous Aussie golfer Anna Rawson is your newest Go Daddy Girl.

• Japan wins its second World Baseball Classic. Konnichiwa, bitches!

• If it’s not coaches molesting their younger players, it’s the coaches’ wives doing the dirty deed.

• Buy some vodka, get a free ticket to a Phoenix Coyotes game.

• Can the Raptors’ Chris Bosh beat the rap of being a deadbeat dad?

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From what I can remember, Chris Bosh’s career in the NBA has been a mostly positive one. Since joining the league in 2003 after being taken fourth overall by the Toronto Raptors in the NBA Draft, he’s been able to play well on the court while staying out of trouble off of it. Usually the only time we see him mentioned in non-basketball stories is when he’s recording YouTube videos to campaign for the All-Star game. Well, now Bosh probably regrets that video.

It was at that All Star Game in New Orleans in which Bosh may have gotten himself into a bit of trouble. According to documents filed in court on Monday, Bosh got Allison Mathis pregnant after buying her fertility drugs, then when she was seven months pregnant, Bosh allegedly dropped her like a bad habit. Now she’s suing him for what he owes.

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The CBC’s experiment with Hockey Night in Canada broadcasts in Punjabi (the fourth-most spoken language in Canada) proved to be so popular that the CBC assigned the same broadcast team (Parminder Singh and Harnarayan Singh) to the second-most popular losing team in Toronto.

Therefore, the Toronto Raptors pounded the snot out of the L.A. Clippers 100-76 Sunday night while being announced in English and Punjabi (but not French), connecting Northern Indian and Pakistani immigrants with their countrymen in one common goal: shouting, “Pass the damned ball, Shawn Marion!”

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Apparently, the Toronto Raptors’ players just don’t appreciate what David Stern does every day to feed and clothe them.  He works his fingers to the bone to provide for all his players, big and small.  And do you hear him complain? No. He does it out of love. And how do the Raptors pay him back?

They complain about the way he’s clothing them.   “Waaah… we don’t want to dress like the Celtics just because it’s St. Patrick’s Day.  We’re our own team.  We’re all, ‘Grr!  We’re raptors!  We’re mean and we eat lawyers and stuff!’”

Look, Commisioner Stern means the best for you.  If that means wearing the 87th alternate jersey of the season to make more money for YOUR salary cap (but mostly for the owners), you’ll do it!

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Toronto’s Spanish-born point guard, Jose Calderon, is a very good shooter, whether it be from the free throw stripe, the field, or behind the arc. I know that because I had him on my fantasy basketball team one season. I think I dropped, like, Rasho Nesterovic for him. He is also part owner of a hog farm in Spain, which is something I did not learn from fantasy basketball. How would you even quantify that? “Hog farms owned” is not a useful basketball stat.

(”As point guard, I demand that all our play calls are pork-based! Deal with it!”)

In an interview with HOOP MAGAZINE, Calderon is quick to point out that he’s not a hog farmer, per se; he’s one of several people who owns the farm and uses it to make Spanish ham, or pata negra, which Calderon says is the world’s best ham. And what makes it the world’s best? Calderon says it’s the diet, which is surprisingly not a euphemism for “choking the pig out with massive amounts of hormones.” Read more…

• For those of you Tucson TV viewers who had their Super Bowl interrupted by a schlong, Comcast would like to pay you $10 for your troubles.

(The young lady on the right was smiling about seeing something just as long as Larry Fitzgerald’s go-ahead TD reception)

• Kobe Bryant helps the Lakers knock off the Knicks with an MSG-record 61 point performance.

• Marquette basketball coach Buzz Williams feels stung by an innocent media question.

• Manny Ramirez says no thanks to the Dodgers’ $25 million offer.

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