Former top pick Matt Bush found a second chance with the Toronto Blue Jays two months ago after being released by the San Diego Padres following his last escapade: attacking high school lacrosse students while shouting, “I’m Matt (naughty word) Bush!”.

(If you do this to Matt Bush, he will end you)

He will now get to test the axiom about charms and third times as the Blue Jays have tossed him from the birdcage unceremoniously.  He spent his brief time with the minor league Dunedin (FL) Blue Jays allegedly throwing a baseball at a young woman’s head and banging on her car window because she might have been the one to draw on his face while he was passed out.

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One thing I never understood is why Cito Gaston couldn’t find another managing gig after leaving the Toronto Blue Jays in 1997. After all, he lead the team to four AL East pennants and back-to-back World Series wins. So it seemed strange that as teams recycled mediocre manager after mediocre manager, he had to wait until the Blue Jays rehired him during last season to get another shot.

But while I might have a lot of respect for Gaston, apparently Roger Clemens didn’t. The new book “The Rocket That Fell To Earth” details how Clemens basically threw Gaston under the bus and convinced the Blue Jays to hire Tim Johnson to replace him (and we all know how well that went). And the feeling is apparently mutual, as Gaston used some choice words to describe to the TORONTO STAR exactly how he felt about Clemens:

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I cringe when I hear the words “lynching” and “South Carolina” in the same sentence. But this is about as bizarre as it gets. THE STATE is reporting that Tanya Seymour, the wife of New England Patriots defensive lineman Richard Seymour, was arrested on Thursday and charged with second-degree lynching stemming from an incident at a New Year’s Eve party. (This is what happens when you change the channel from “Dick Clark’s Rockin’ New Year’s Eve” to MTV without asking.)

I’m sure your initial reaction is the same as mine: lynching? Turns out that no ropes were used: PRO FOOTBALL TALK breaks down the South Carolina Code of Laws, which defines second-degree lynching as “any act of violence inflicted by a mob upon the body of another person and from which death does not result.” So maybe not quite as horrific as you would first think, but still not good.

Police allege that Tanya Seymour was among a group of people who “jumped” two women at a New Year’s Eve party after they had got into an argument and were asked to leave. The arrest affidavit claims that Tanya Seymour was part of the mob, and punched the two women several times in the face and body. Oddly enough, the affidavit also claims that she had use of illegally obtained scouting videos to prepare for the beatdown.

The injuries were fairly minor, including bruises, a busted lip and a sprained wrist. One of the women also claimed that her scalp was sore from having it pulled during the fight. And in one of the most obvious statements I’ve ever seen in a news story:

“The victims left after the attack, the incident report says.”

Really? Because I heard some people were making a run for another keg.

If convicted, Tanya Seymour faces up to 20 years in prison. The incident adds to the list of problems her husband has had to deal with in recent years, including his father killing his former girlfriend before killing himself. And if San Diego Chargers center Nick Hardwick thought Seymour was a dirty player, he really wouldn’t want to face his wife.

And speaking of beatdowns: Joe Torre might want to be leery if David Wells invites him to watch the Super Bowl with some of his buddies at his place this weekend.  The NEW YORK DAILY NEWS says that Wells has vowed to “knock him out” if he ever sees Torre on the street after his former skipper ripped him in his new book. Specifically, Torre compared Wells to Kevin Brown, except that “both make your life miserable, but David Wells meant to.”

And of course Wells has a great response to those allegations: sure, he was a total pain, but not on purpose. Like when he would yell at Torre in the locker room because the manager had the temerity to turn down his boombox when he was blasting it before the games. Or get in drunken fistfights at diners at all hours of the night.  Based on Wells’ health issues and Type 2 Diabetes, Torre might want to carry around some concealed Pixy Stix in case he needs a weapon to defend himself against an attack.

• …and No. 1 on David Letterman’s Top Ten Reasons He Likely Won’t Field an IndyCar Team This Year: no money. Not very funny, but then again, his partner Bobby Rahal isn’t laughing as he tells the INDIANAPOLIS STAR that while Rahal Letterman Racing will likely field a car at the Indianapolis 500, a lack of sponsorship will probably keep the team from the full IndyCar season.



• Meanwhile, the economic mess is also hitting north of the border, as THE CANADIAN PRESS reports that Toronto Blue Jays assistant general manager Bart Given was let go as a cost-cutting move. Or as part of a power play between the team’s interim CEO Paul Beeston and GM J.P. Ricciardi. Either way, Given gets to enjoy the Canadian unemployment system, which I believe includes 100 percent benefits and a free, stress-relieving massage.
• MMA JUNKIE has the life story of Helio Gracie, the Gracie family patriarch and pioneer in the creation and growth of mixed martial arts, who tapped out to the chokehold in the sky on Thursday morning in Rio de Janiero at 95. Naturally, he’ll be laid to rest in a wooden octagon.
• Congratulations to Tom Cable, as the SAN FRANCISCO CHRONICLE reports that the Oakland Raiders will be removing the “interim” label from his title and making him their permanent head coach. On the other hand, condolences to Tom Cable for becoming the Oakland Raiders’ permanent head coach.
• More economic cutbacks in NASCAR, as the CHARLOTTE OBSERVER notes that new rules to cut back on costs have been instituted in the Truck Series for 2009. The most shocking? All trucks will be replaced by 1974 El Caminos.
• Usually a 61-52 loss would be cause for concern, but it’s pretty understandable when the team on the losing end is North Carolina State and it’s their first game since the death of their legendary coach Kay Yow. The WINSTON-SALEM JOURNAL has details of their painful first game back.
• Really, Bobby Estalella is the smoking gun in the Feds’ case against Barry Bonds? ESPN.COM has the latest information, although I’m shocked that Jeff Kent hasn’t volunteered to bury Barry yet.
• How often is the marquee men’s college basketball game of the night in the West Coast Conference? Gonzaga stops St. Mary’s 15-game winning streak by handing the Gaels a 69-62 defeat.
• More legal woes for Lenny Dykstra: TMZ reports that he’s being sued by four pilots who say Nails stiffed them for flying his private plane.
• SOCCER AMERICA says that the San Jose Earthquakes are set to make millions from their latest sponsorship deal: they’ll be wearing the Amway logo on their jerseys. The downside is that their players will be going door-to-door selling household products.

• We shake our pom-poms in salute to those hard-working, fast-moving, good-looking San Diego Charger Girls.

• The Chicago Bears are still alive, thanks to Brian Urlacher using his head.

• A Toronto Blue Jays choreographer is in trouble after admitting to dancing between the sheets with a 15-year-old bird.

• The perfect holiday gift for the righteous God-fearing hunter in your life: A camouflaged bible.

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Here’s a helpful piece of advice for parents in the Toronto area: Don’t let your daughters join one of the Toronto Blue Jays dance troupes. It’s just not a very good idea no matter how good of an opportunity you think it is for her.

I know that you may possibly think that it’s cute to have your daughter dress up in one of those cute little outfits and have her dance for nearly 30,000 people, and if her dream is to grow up and be a dancer, by all means, encourage her. Just don’t let her do it at Blue Jays games. Not unless your cool with her having sex with the choreographer on film, anyway.

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Officially, the Steelers-Ravens game had six injury timeouts. Something tells me more than six players got their bodies bruised last night. Fortunately, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell didn’t implement the Rollerball championship game rules in this game, because it probably would have ended up with both punters just kicking the ball to each other.

Andre Frazier was stretchered off on the first play. Both teams were down to their third-string running backs by overtime. Willis McGahee was helped off twice. Strangely, QBs Ben Roethlisberger and Joe Flacco, the two guys who got rassled down to the ground all night, didn’t leave the game prematurely with boo-boos.

But are there really any winners, as a society increased its desire for bloodlust on this night? (Sorry, that was mighty post-apocalyptic for a sports blog.) In the post-game conference, Steelers head coach Mike Tomlin said the injuries did not dampen their hard-fought 23-20 win over B’more. “That’s football.” And thank God almighty for penalties, substitutions and time limits.

Speaking of men with no apparent time limits, let’s bring in our comic relief. Headlining tonight’s gig will be Funny Bone Ticker of the Year, Al Davis and the Oakland Raiders! [applause]

(Wow. He’s never looked better.)

Davis has never been a buy-the-book guy. When the book says “fire your coach, then look for a replacement?” Davis burns the book. (Or feeds it to a lamprey.) No, Davis is hellbent on finding a replacement to Lane Kiffin first, then subsequently firing Kiffin, ESPN is reporting. Perhaps this is all a cunning ruse by Davis, through the wise advise of former literary agent John Hodgman, to convince the world that time is moving backwards. By Week 11, he’ll inexplicably announce Lane Kiffin as the new head coach of the Raiders. By 2010, he’ll hire Art Shell, just to throw the world a curveball. And in 2015, he’ll lose his virginity.

So if you’re curious if Kiffin’s been canned yet, there’s only one definitive place to bookmark and refresh. The official website of the countdown, HASLANEKIFFINBEENFIRED.COM:

(Could Abe Froman be interested in the job?)

Kiffin probably doesn’t deserve to be head coach anymore, but man, when did it make sense to can coaches before October? (I think we’ve all had ex-girlfriends who we’ve strung along for far less time than Davis has done with Kiffin.) The SANTA ROSA PRESS DEMOCRAT notes that if Kiffin’s job is saved, Kalimba Edwards might have had something to do with it.

The world’s best golfer has a time limit of 24 months before he can play again? So stay strong and resolute in your fantasy golf keeper leagues, because Tiger Woods‘ ACL injury recovery could last as long as two years, sez THE TELEGRAPH. World famous surgeon Lanny L. Johnson said — no kidding! — that the ligament means something different to football players than it does to golfers:

“If you tear your cruciate ligament in American football, you can play within a year – and with full confidence within two years. Based on this, and the recovery period of other athletes, I am guessing that Tiger will need two years.”

Wow. What a world in which we take advice from guys named Lanny.

What about a world in which you take advice from guys named Joey Porter?

• The Dolphins linebacker knows how to get us out of this economic recession. ESPN’s NFL NATION gets the financial advice we’ve been waiting to hear: just dig a hole in your backyard and put your money in there. Skeptical? Hey, he was right about Matt Cassel.
• Then Porter can tell you to go back in time and bet on the Tampa Bay Rays to win the American League who, as VEGAS WATCH points out, were at 75-1 odds to start the year. (Quick story about this. We saw the Vegas Hilton Sportsbook odds a couple weeks ago, and at the top stood the Yankees’ AL hopes at 2500-1. Second from the bottom was Tampa, at 20-1. Oh what a beautiful sight it was.)
• A somber update to Jaguars offensive lineman Richard Collier, who was shot 14 times last month: His leg was amputated and will be paralyzed from the waist down for the rest of his life.
• So you just lost your quarterback for the season? No worries. If you’re the Washington Huskies, and your QB is Jake Locker, just move him to safety, COLLEGE FOOTBALL TALK murmurs.
• Gilbert Arenas‘ life, because it needed to be said, is still better than yours. As he shares on AGENT ZERO, the Wiz’ star is now engaged, and he didn’t even have to pop the question.
• Ousted Rams coach Scott Linehan can at least take solace that more people approved of this work than they do of still-employed Vikings coach Brad Childress, RANDBALL discovers.
• Meaningless game for the Tigers on Monday? Tell that to Jim Leyland, who told MLB.COM: “I wanted to win this game today bad … because we wanted to get another win. It’s not like you’re trying to knock the White Sox out as much as you’re trying to get a win and you’re trying to be professional and go about your business. I tried everything I knew how to do.”
• Encouraging words from the Toronto Maple Leafs’ Ron Wilson to the GLOBE AND MAIL regarding the upcoming NHL season: “We’re not going to win the Stanley Cup this year. There’s a news flash for you.” Honesty. You gotta respect that, at least.
• Pssh. What the heck does Will Leitch know about New York sports? That didn’t stop him from sharing his ten best Big Apple athletes for NEW YORK MAGAZINE.
• Oh yeah, and the White Sox play the Twins for the AL Central crown today. It’s Nick Blackburn against John Danks. No, I’m not envious by jamming this nugget at the end of the article. Nuh-uh.

Maybe Pete Carroll was right when he called the Pac-10 schedule “ridiculously difficult” - or the Trojans just had another epic meltdown against a far lesser opponent. Either way, the end result was a shocking 27-21 loss to Oregon State.  Yes, those Beavers. The same Beavers who lost to Penn State and Stanford by a combined 39 points.

You could look for goats in the game: defensive back Kevin Thomas, who let an interception in the end zone slip through his hands at the end of the first half and into the hands of James Rodgers. Or quarterback Mark Sanchez, who despite three touchdowns also threw a fourth-quarter interception that set up the eventually winning touchdown for the Beavers.

But ultimately, blame has to go to one person: Pete Carroll. Yet again, the Trojans fell flat on their face against teams with far less talent. It’s the second time Oregon State has done it to USC, along with Stanford, UCLA…basically, any team that’s beaten USC since 2002 other than Texas.

The team came out flat and uninspired - a content, cocky team expecting to win because they were USC. (and as the LA TIMES’ FABULOUS FORUM points out, maybe celebrating a touchdown to close to 21-7 isn’t such a great idea, Ronald Johnson.) And the coaching staff was incapable of adjusting until halftime, when they had dug themselves too deep of a hole. But really, who could have seen this being anything but a Trojans blowout. Except maybe for Brooks right before the game:

I like the Beavers and the points tonight, which means I’ll be laughing in about two hours, or waist-deep into my sixth Boilermaker* at Coach & Horses around 12 bells.

…or our own Jason K. in the USC/Ohio State Live Brog two weeks ago:

“And Mark will have plenty of time to recuperate, as USC doesn’t take the field again until Thursday, September 25, when they travel to Oregon State. But remember what happened the last time the Trojans took a trip to Corvallis - a 33-31 shocker.”

Far less of a shock is that the Los Angeles Dodgers finally clinched the NL West title, thanks to the Diamondbacks’ 12-3 thumping by the Cardinals. Now Los Angeles’ notoriously fickle sports fans can forget about USC’s collapse and focus on the Dodgers in the playoffs - until they lose in four games to some team like the Cubs. But by that point, hey, isn’t the Lakers’ season starting?

The Dodgers’ clinching the NL West leaves three playoff spots to be decided: the AL Central race between the Twins and the White Sox, and the Phillies/Mets/Brewers mess for the NL East and/or Wild Card.

The Mets and the Brewers remained tied for the Wild Card, both winning in dramatic fashion: New York using a ninth-inning single by Carlos Beltran for a 6-5 victory over the Cubs, while Milwaukee knocked off the Pirates 5-1 on Ryan Braun’s two-out grand slam in the tenth. The Phillies could only sit home idle and watch their lead in the NL East shrink to one game.

Meanwhile, the Twins and the White Sox also went ten innings. In this case, Minnesota put together a five-run rally of their own to win 7-6 to complete a series sweep of Chicago and take the AL Central lead for the first time in a month. Even worse, the White Sox seem to be imploded, as the CHICAGO SUN-TIMES reports that Orlando Cabrera seems intent on destroying team chemistry as he heads out of town.

Other late-breaking news last night, straight from the sports desk of Tank McNamara:

• It had to happen: GOSSIP GIRLS reports that Desperate Housewives beauty and definitely not mother-to-be of Tony Parker’s spawn Eva Longoria and Rays’ sensation Evan Longoria have struck up a friendship. She sent him champagne to celebrate their playoff berth, and he sent her a T-shirt.
• THE LOS ANGELES DAILY NEWS notes that the Los Angeles Sparks had to play Game 1 of their WNBA Western Conference Finals at USC’s Galen Center instead of the Staples Center. Why? There was a dinosaur exhibit already scheduled. Usually when I think of “WNBA” and “slow, lumbering, extinct creatures” Rebecca Lobo comes to mind.
• It didn’t take long for Troy Brown to find work after retiring from the Pats: the BOSTON HERALD says he’s already been hired as an analyst by Comcast SportsNet. A great, versatile player, but if any myopic Boston fans try to convince you he belongs in the Hall of Fame, you have permission to punch them in the face.
• I guess studying pays off, even if it’s for a field sobriety test - the CHICAGO TRIBUNE files that charges have been dropped against Cedric Benson on two alcohol-related charges.
• DEADSPIN toughs it out to report on a Mexican boxer who cut off his own pinky so he could fight again. Take that, Ronnie Lott!
• THE NEW YORK DAILY NEWS suggests that Jason Giambi and his Power Mustache is likely not joining the Yankees at the new stadium. Meanwhile, MASN wonders if Mike Mussina done as a Yankee (or as player period).
• The NATIONAL POST signs on to Blue Jays manager Cito Gaston and GM J.P. Ricciardi inking extensions with the team, which Roy Halladay celebrates by winning his 20th game.
• SLACKTIVIST satirically suggests that the Mets might want to take a page from the John McCain playbook and suspend the playoff race in deference to the economy.
• The SALT LAKE TRIBUNE has a hard-hitting story of a high school football player’s dad nailing an assistant coach in the face with his son’s helmet, breaking the coach’s jaw. Talk about “smash mouth football.”
• ESPN.COM pokes around to find out that the NFL has reviewed tapes and ruled that the Browns defense did not intentionally try to gouge out the eyes of the Ravens’ Willis McGahee last Sunday - those were just accidental eye gouges.

• Greg Patton of the RIVERSIDE PRESS-ENTERPRISE hears Rick Neuheisel thanking UCLA fans for not booing during the Bruins’ bruising by Arizona.

• Baron Davis offers his thoughts & prayers to those affected by the Columbia, SC, plane crash that killed 4.

• BALLHYPE passes along video of David Beckham’s appearance on Sesame Street.

• You know things are bad for your team when the mascot is holding signs criticizing the owner. And THE SUN is there.

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Blue Jays fans got a rise out the latest peep show to pop up at Skydome Rogers Center, when a photographer for the TORONTO SUN caught a topless gal cavorting in the hotel rooms overlooking the Toronto ballpark.

And now SLAM! SPORTS tracks down the semi-nude sweetie to uncover what exactly was going on in that room next to the Jumbotron. Turns out the topless lass was working as a “hostess” for a stag party, and she mistakenly thought that the hotel windows were tinted.

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Brooks witnesses Papelbon booed, A-Rod ignored & Borat’s fat friend bored.

• Topless women standing in the surrounding hotel rooms will definitely get attendance to rise at Blue Jays home games.

Of course, they could always try this Rays fan’s helping hand.

• The son of N.C. State basketball coach Sidney Lowe has been a bad boy.

• Not interested in the All-Star Game tonight? They’re always part two of Brett Favre’s interview on Fox News.

• A lusted-after cricketer calls in female commandos to ensure his safety.

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