Some say spring starts with the vernal equinox, or maybe the first robin of the year, or maybe even Opening Day. Ninja please. Nothing says spring has sprung until baseball players start fighting like schoolgirls near the pitcher’s mound.

(Now these guys know how to put on a brawl.)

The Angels and Red Sox were eager to play that part today, as a Josh Beckett pitch over Bobby Abreu’s head set off a weird quasi-melee that eventually led to four ejections… none of whom were Beckett or Abreu. In fact, the main offender was, for some reason, Torii Hunter.

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I’m sure when most of you read a story about a professional athlete filing for bankruptcy, you think the same thing I do: How in the hell could a millionaire athlete blow through all of their cash? SPORTS ILLUSTRATED looked into the matter and found two big problems: reckless spending and bad investments. Very, very bad investments.

How bad? How about an inflatable raft meant to go under your sofa so that if a flood came, you could float to safety on your sofa? Or a mouth guard that claims to increase your performance by setting your jaw in an “optimal position“? It seems that for every Magic Johnson, who parlayed the money made from his playing days into a business empire, there are scores of athletes making P.T. Barnum sound like a prophet.

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• YOU BEEN BLINDED splashes up a clip of Torii Hunter celebrating the Angels’ AL West title with a tribute to Michael Phelps.

We understand that Stephanie Rice is swimming her way to Anaheim as we speak.

• Sure he can do a mean Milli Vanilli, but LARRY BROWN SPORTS discovers Jonathan Papelbon’s real talent - cross-dressing for high school productions of “Dirty Dancing“.

• If New England is looking for a QB, Jason Whitlock of the KANSAS CITY STAR suggests the Pats get on the phone with Jeff George.

• Palmer? Bush? Leinart? FIRST & BIG TEN has an interesting interview with the USC player really responsible for the Trojans’ re-emergence: former WR John Zilka.

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Goodness knows I’m breathless in anticipation of another angle on Brett Favre’s descent into AFC anonymity, so I present crack coverage from the WATERTOWN (WI) DAILY TIMES.

Today, Daily Times reporter Adam Tobias went to really the only source that matters when it comes to finding out the genuine reax of Team Favre to the Jets deal: Favre’s pilot.

Grant Goetsch skippers Favre’s well-chronicled private plane, and confirmed what the rest of the world outside of Oyster Bay knows: “He knew there was a bidding, he knew that they (Packers) had a higher offer from the Jets and he knew that the Packers wanted him to go to the Jets. He didn’t want to really go to the Jets.

“He and his agent were continually working I’m sure all night talking on and off with the different teams. He was aware of both (teams), but the comment was made that he wasn’t as interested in the Jets.”

Wasn’t as interested in the Jets? Who said millionaire ballplayers aren’t like Everyman? Favre definitely falls into the majority of the non-masochistic, male population with that “comment.”

Here’s the wife of a ballplayer you just might know:

Said ballplayer revealed after the jump.

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Orange Julius Jones Soda - make it so, Seattle soft drink distributors!

• Arizona State is bedeviled by some snapshots of their cheerleaders showing off in their skivvies.

(Photo back by popular demand)

• Apparently, Marvin Harrison is not the calm, cool customer we thought he was.

• Jim Rice boils at Torii Hunter’s claims that Red Sox fans are racist.

• Kentucky basketball coach Billy Gillispie likes ‘em young.

• Joe Buck & Tim McCarver are taken for a ride by the Feds. Unfortunately, they brought McCarver back.

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In the aftermath of Red Sox fans welcoming Bill Buckner back to Fenway Park only after they won two World Series, Bosox great Jim Rice recently weighed in on Torii Hunter’s recent charge that Fenway Park has racist fans.

Hunter last week said, “My first five or six (years), I was ‘That N-word.’ Some people would chant that out, some people would throw beer or whatever . . . batteries.”

The former longtime Red Sox outfielder Rice, in his ASK 14 blog this week: “As for racism, I NEVER had any experience like that. I think for a situation to escalate to that level, you have to do something to incite that type of behavior.” Read more…

• Tony Kanaan’s wife suggests her IRL hubby go throw on a dress if he’s gonna qualify behind Danica Patrick.

Maybe a little stylish number like this?

• Speaking of married life, a couple of Dallas DJs don’t show much respect to some of the Royals’ significant others.

• First, Mindy McCready’s mom confirms her daughter’s connection to Roger Clemens. Now, the country singer’s dad adds that the two did the tantric tango together.

• Jason Taylor tries to bring some football flair to “Dancing With The Stars.” Bill Parcells remains unimpressed.

• Hulk Hogan caught placing his 24-inch pythons on some pretty posteriors.

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Here’s a clip from something called “Hanging with Mr. Hunter” on FSN (via SI.com’s HOT CLICKS).

The piece documents Torii Hunter’s (alleged) first drive to Angels Stadium, as he’s assisted by a vehicle GPS system he calls “Susan“. And his brother Tram. Both aren’t much help.

Hunter, while en route to the ballpark, riffs on his new SoCal home: “I’m going to walk the beach with my rally monkey … we’re going to put some Speedos on. No shirt, shave all my chest hairs. … man, I made a wrong turn, we better not be going the wrong way.”

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On Tuesday, Major League Baseball will once again honor the player that broke the sport’s color barrier by celebrating Jackie Robinson Day. Some specially selected players will wear Robinson’s retired #42, while in other cases, the entire team will don the same jersey.

However, Torii Hunter still stands by the words he said last year, where he questioned the over-abundance of so many players wearing #42 and “watering down” the special meaning - especially on MLB teams with no black players.

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• The real reason why Torii Hunter signed with the Angels? To spend more time with the Rally Monkey:

• NATION OF ISLAM SPORTSBLOG checks out West Virginia, and comes to believe in (Pat) White power.• AWFUL ANNOUNCING sounds off that neighbors of Arizona Stadium are tired of hearing Phil Collins tunes.

• SPORTABLE hits us with a clip of Troy Glaus sending a pinata airborne:

• STEROID NATION is hitting the casting couch to find leads for the new HBO “Game of Shadows” movie.• GOING FIVE HOLE skates over news that Gary Bettman doesn’t want to send NHLers to the 2014 Olympics in Russia.