• AVP fans will no longer be able to drink in the sights of the Cuervo Girls.

(”Wait - we’re out of a job?!?!”)

• Brewers fans will finally get to see some great baseball at Miller Park - they’ll be showing “The Sandlot” in the stadium parking lot.

• Michael Irvin sued for stealing reality show idea. Aren’t all reality shows stolen from something else anyway?

• Cristiano Ronaldo shows off his macho fashion sense by sporting a pink cap on his head, a flower in his hair & pearls around his neck.

• Let the Lakers & Magic have their NBA Finals. Tony Parker will be just fine with a bikini-clad Eva Longoria in the French Riviera.

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The NBA Finals kick off tonight, as the Los Angeles Lakers play host to the Orlando Magic. Of course, that really doesn’t matter for the other 28 teams whose seasons have already ended. But some players have found fun ways to spend their sooner-than-hoped offseasons. One popular choice appears to be hitting the beach with some scantily-clad cuties.

We earlier wrote how the Bulls’ Joakim Noah took to carousing in the Caribbean with a topless female companion. And now Tony Parker has taken a similar trip to his home country, as the Spurs star soaked up the sun on the French Riviera with his Desperate Housewife Eva Longoria.

Unfortunately, Eva appears to continually keep her top on. However, as you can see, there’s still plenty to peruse of Mrs. Longoria Parker:

Read more…

With three minutes left in last night’s Bulls-Celtics tilt, it looked like Ben Gordon was going to will the Bulls to an astounding 2-0 series lead. But then, as Paul Pierce wilted down the stretch, Ray Allen finally woke up and saved Boston’s season with two huge threes, including the game-winner with two seconds left as Boston won 118-115. Rajon Rondo bounced back from a sprained knee/ankle/hip he suffered just before halftime to finish with a triple double: 19 points, 12 rebounds, and 16 assists.

Gordon scored 42 for Chicago, but the Bulls couldn’t keep the Celtics off the offensive boards all night, and it cost the Bulls dearly in the fourth quarter. With about 30 seconds left and holding a one-point lead, Chicago was unable to corral a loose ball that eventually ended up in Allen’s hand — and he nailed a three to give the Celtics the lead. Gordon answered to tie it, but never got another chance as Allen hit a tough shot over the outstretched arms and hair of Joakim Noah to end it.

Well, there were two seconds left, but Vinny Del Negro plowed through all of his timeouts too soon (and at least one of them seemed completely unnecessary, considering the Bulls’ only play in the final three minutes was “give it Ben Gordon and get out of his way”), meaning the Bulls got a 70-footer from Tyrus Thomas at the buzzer. Still, a split in Boston is all the Bulls could reasonably ask for, and knowing that they can compete when the series comes back to Boston is going to be key.

In the other playoff game, the Spurs got 38 points from Tony Parker and beat the Mavs 105-84. Still, it seems like Dallas is winning this series, doesn’t it?

In the NHL, the Bruins moved within one game of their first playoff series win in 10 years with a 4-2 victory at Montreal, taking a 3-0 lead. Meanwhile, the Caps scored a huge 4-0 road win over the Rangers at MSG after dropping the first two games at home. And in Calgary, the Flames got back within 2-1 in the series by beating Chicago 4-2. It was Calgary’s first win in seven games against the Blackhawks this season.

• If you’re a Cubs fan and you’re dead, there’s still a way for you to support the team that probably hastened your death in the first place. That’s right, a Cubs-themed cemetery called Beyond the Vines opens for business on Wednesday.

Billed as “eternal luxury suites for Cubs fans,” the cemetery features an ivy-covered brick wall and will have some other Wrigley touches, such as a stained-glass replica of the ballpark’s scoreboard.  CNBC’s Darren Rovell says that if this works, the guy who came up with it is going to take it to Yankee fans.

• You might have noticed that Chien-Ming Wang sucks now. Even worse is that he’s out of options so the Yanks can’t send him down to the minors without sending him through waivers, and someone would surely claim him (the Orioles can always use a guy with a 34.50 ERA). Worse for Wang is the fact that he’s signed to a one-year deal, which means he’s this close to pitching for the Newark Bears next year. Or, you know, Wang could throw 45 consecutive scoreless innings and get his ERA under 4. RIVER AVE BLUES is searching for answers.

• Yeah, the Marlins were 11-1, but you don’t just go into Ross Ohlendorf’s house and expect to win ball games. The Pirates now have four shutouts this year after beating Florida 8-0. They had two all of last year.

• American running hottie Kara Goucher almost won the Boston Marathon yesterday. She actually had the lead in the final stretch, but was passed up by a Kenyan and an Ethiopian and finished third, just nine seconds off the winning time. The BOSTON HERALD says she would’ve been the first American to win the race since 1985.

• A record-low crowd of 12,473 paying customers saw Nationals pitcher Jordan Zimmerman make his major-league debut last night. Actually, it was a lot less than that because a pre-game rain delay chased all but a few hundred fans from the park. By the time Joel Hanrahan saved a 3-2 win over the Braves, the WASHINGTON POST estimates there were 70 people there. I know it was a crappy night, but isn’t it great that D.C. spent millions on that new ballpark?

• The Detroit Lions have a new logo. Actually, it’s not really a new logo at all.  It’s just the same logo, with some fierce teeth. It’s all part of a new attitude. This year, Dan Orlovsky’s going to get really angry when he takes a safety.

• The Arena Football League is off this season (which I’m sure you’ve noticed), but when the league comes back next year, the L.A. Avengers won’t be a part of it, according to ESPN. This is bad news for, uh, Todd Marinovich?

• DRAFTEXPRESS says Stephen Curry is going to skip his senior year and declare for the NBA Draft, where he should be picked somewhere in the late-lottery range.

• WFAN’s Mike Francesa says the Yankees need to somehow fix their new stadium as soon as the team leaves for its road trip this week to try and cut down on what he calls an “amusement park” atmosphere with balls flying out of the yard to right field at an alarming rate. But how? Even if it was physically possible to change the dimensions of the park in-season, that’s against MLB rules. So the only solutions are either changing how the wind blows through the park (a little unlikely) or getting rid of Chien-Ming Wang (see a few paragraphs above).

I knew that Manu Ginobili’s injury would lead to a few more scoring opportunities for Tony Parker this year. But I don’t think anyone thought he’d be putting up 55, even if it was on the T-Wolves. The Spurs needed all of those points too, as they struggled to get by Minnesota 129-125 in double OT.

Parker’s big night overshadowed Amare Stoudemire’s 49-point performance in Phoenix’  113-103 win over Indiana. He became the first player in 34 years to have at least 49 points, 10 rebounds, 5 assists, and 5 steals in a single game. He was 17-of-21 from the field. LeBron James was the third member of the 40-point club on Wednesday, putting up 41 in a 107-93 win over Chicago after showing up to the arena in a Barack Obama t-shirt. This guy who was at the game also likes Obama, and links him to another national symbol of change (remember when Derek Anderson was popular?):

Ball State got to showcase its football program on national TV for the first time this season last night, pounding Northern Illinois 45-14 to go to 9-0 on the season. The Cardinals are 17th in the BCS standings right now, with three fellow BCS-busters standing in their way (Boise State, Utah, and TCU). But should the others falter and the Cards find their way into the top 12, they could still potentially get into a BCS game. They got a big lift from injured receiver Dante Love (pictured below), who was with the team for the first time since his career-ending spinal inury and took part in the coin toss. Even if the Cards miss out on the BCS party, this has been a season of unprecedented success for the school in Muncie, Indiana.

Now, moving on to football teams that are having the exact opposite of unprecedented success, the Raiders have decided the key to turning things around is to cut a guy they just signed to a seven-year, $70 million contract after eight games. DeAngelo Hall won’t be getting anywhere near that much money from the team due to the nature of NFL contracts, but Al Davis did have to give up second and fifth-round draft picks to acquire him from the Falcons. The SAN JOSE MERCURY NEWS’ Tim Kawakami has had a hate-hate relationship going on all year with the Raiders, and he runs with yet another opportunity to unload on Davis.

• So, that Patriots cheerleader who was booted from the team for allegedly anti-Semitically marking a friend with a sharpie? She told TMZ last night that she’s not the one who drew on him, and that being a “passed-out drunk guy with a bunch of stuff written on him” was actually his Halloween costume. She also says she didn’t see any of the offensive things drawn on him. She’s still apparently out of a job, but I’m sure she’ll have a real tough time finding new employment if she walks around wearing this:

• A 13-year-old Chelsea soccer fan was tragically killed in Rome on Monday when a tree fell on him during a thunderstorm on his way to a Champions League match, according to the DAILY MAIL. He was supposed to die in a violent clash with Milan fans when he was 34, not like this.

• The Sex Cannon may be returning to the bench as soon as this weekend. PRO FOOTBALL TALK reports that Kyle Orton thinks he might be able to play this weekend against the undefeated Titans.

• ESPN 1360 in Cincinnati quotes Carson Palmer as saying that he’s “slowly getting closer” to making a decision about whether or not he’ll play again this year. He thinks it should take him about eight more weeks. He’ll definitely know by then.

• Jason Varitek had a horrible year at the plate and will be 37 in April. So, naturally, Scott Boras is asking for somewhere in the neighborhood of four years and $50 million for his services. FANHOUSE says the Sox are unlikely to offer anything close to that (wisely), and may have to part ways with their team captain.

• CBS4 in Denver says the Broncos took a day off from talking trash to reflect on the Obama election. Brandon Marshall manages to not call out Obama for his dancing style.

• Florida sophomore point guard Jai Lucas has decided to transfer, just as the season is about to get underway. Lucas, the son of ex-NBAer John Lucas, was the starter last season for the Gators and was expected to have the same role this year.

• Buried in this Ken Rosenthal piece about the baseball offseason is how the ludicrous four-year, $48 million deal Carlos Silva signed with the Mariners last year will haunt teams in negotiations this winter. Basically, any starting pitcher who can throw the ball over the plate without dying will want at least that much, since Silva’s basically the worst possible guy you can have on the mound to start a baseball game. Oliver Freaking Perez is going to end up getting $15 million a year because of this.

• This may be stretching it a bit, but baseball and softball officials believe that the election of Barack Obama might help get the two sports back into the Olympics in the future. Reps for both sports say that “anti-Americanism” was a factor in being voted out of the 2012 London games, according to ESPN.

• RAISE THE JOLLY ROGER is ecstatic that Nate McLouth won a Gold Glove. I mean, the words “Pirates” and “award” don’t usually appear in the same paragraph. But then comes the realization that by most fielding metrics, McLouth was one of the worst outfielders in all of baseball this year.

• And finally, it’s not that impressive that a jogger in Prescott, Arizona jogger ran a mile. It is impressive, however, that she ran a mile with the jaws of a rabid fox attached to her arm.

• WTA TENNIS BLOG serves up Ana Ivanovic telling us all about her great visit to the Great Wall of China.

• BUSTED COVERAGE could be flagged for illegal contact, as a couple of college refs aren’t going to turn down a photo op with Erin Andrews.

• While Florida fans are fuming over the Gators’ 31-30 loss to the Rebels, ESPN THE MAGAZINE finds Ole Miss alum Shepard Smith happy with the result - and he better be, since the Fox News anchor has given the school “an a**-load of money“.

• But Urban Meyer may have Dan Patrick to blame, as the ex-ESPN anchor’s radio show is becoming quite a curse on college coaches.

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• YOU BEEN BLINDED splashes up a clip of Torii Hunter celebrating the Angels’ AL West title with a tribute to Michael Phelps.

We understand that Stephanie Rice is swimming her way to Anaheim as we speak.

• Sure he can do a mean Milli Vanilli, but LARRY BROWN SPORTS discovers Jonathan Papelbon’s real talent - cross-dressing for high school productions of “Dirty Dancing“.

• If New England is looking for a QB, Jason Whitlock of the KANSAS CITY STAR suggests the Pats get on the phone with Jeff George.

• Palmer? Bush? Leinart? FIRST & BIG TEN has an interesting interview with the USC player really responsible for the Trojans’ re-emergence: former WR John Zilka.

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Tony Parker was recently cruelly accused of treachery in matters of love. A Web site to be named later claimed Parker met a “model” named Alexandra Paressant at his wedding to Eva Longoria and later arranged an elaborate affair with her. Of course, anyone that’s seen Parker’s assist-to-TO ratio knows he can’t run anything that complex.

(What? Innocent??)

Unfortunately, this much has been proven to be true: he actually did marry Eva Longoria. There’s court documents and everything. You’d think we would have heard something about this by now, right?

However, the Web site in question has admitted they were duped. They issued a formal apology to (as this article puts it) “Longoria’s husband” (snicker) for the story and claim the “model” fooled them. Their due diligence probably involved double-checking the spelling of her name and verifying she had nude pictures of herself for the front page. Read more…

The great debate continues today. Not whether Kelly Tilghman should address the Tiger Woods lynching thing on-air later today (3pm ET, Golf Channel), but if Eva Longoria got the word “Nine” or “June” tattoed on the back of her neck.

Looks like Nine to us:

We’re assuming this is why she did it:

How much would you now love to see Parker pull a Kobe and goto double-digits? Wonder what number TP would pick. Perhaps Eva’s age: 32.

Now that his wife is on writer’s strike hiatus, Tony Parker wants to hear the pitter-patter of little feet on his own personal court.

IRELAND ONLINE reports that Eva Longoria is getting the full-court press from her husband to start having kids. Parker is Desperate to have offspring able to cheer for him from the stands.

Eva admits, “Tony wants his children to be able to see him play….and I’d like lots of little TP juniors.”

And you can’t blame Tony for wanting to fulfill his marital duties. He’s already had to endure his own sex hiatus with his beloved - twice.

KOBE NOW SAYS HE’S HAPPY STAYING WITH THE LAKERS: Kobe Bryant’s a happy guy these days - if you were to believe what he told ESPN:

The Worldwide Leader writes that the Lakers superstar seems satisfied about staying at Staples Center. At least for now.”I’m happy to be here,” Bryant beamed after Wednesday’s practice. “When you get here in your element and you’re around your teammates and just having a good time with them and thinking about them and not about the business of the game, that’s when it becomes fun.”

And the fun continued for the Lake Show Thursday night, when they brought down the curtain on San Antonio. It was the 4th win in a row for L.A., and the 2nd loss in a row for the Spurs - the first time such a streak happened this season.However, Kobe’s smile may be a nervous smirk. Even though the Spurs were without stars Tim Duncan and Tony Parker, the Lakers still needed an 18-5 4th quarter run to eek out a close 102-97 victory.

Although Kobe appears pleased to be playing in SoCal, thoughts of a trade may not be terminated yet. When asked about his earlier demands for a new location, Bryant replied, “I don’t get into that stuff.”

Just because he has no comment, it doesn’t mean he’s 100% sold on staying. So, there’s still hope for Bulls, Pistons, Kings, Mavericks, Suns and Knicks fans yet.