Week In Review: Courtney A New Hot Rod Force

• Along with sister Ashley, Courtney has hit the drag strip as another hot hot-rodding Force to be reckoned with.

Courtney Force

• High school cheerleaders in Texas can sure pull off some crappy pranks.

• Broncos WR Brandon Marshall appears to enjoy beating up women.

• This soccer celebration on top of a Brazilian bus could have gone better.

Danica Patrick signs some boobs in her latest TV commercial for Boost Mobile. Sounds sexy, right? Well…

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Danica Signing Breasts In New TV Ad - But Wait…

Danica Patrick helps sell cell phones by autographing some boobs - but not the kind of racks you really want to see.

Danica Patrick topless

Tony La Russa sues Twitter over pseudo-St. Louis manager account.

Vince Young wants a trade? No, it’s all just a wacky misunderstanding!

• The Penguins give a little extra effort in beating the Red Wings - thanks to no penalties for extra men on the ice.

• Red Sox caps - now available with the fresh scent of watermelon!

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Tony La Russa Hates Fake Profiles, Sues Twitter

Satire’s always the most difficult style of humor; either it’s really funny, or it’s just confusing and lame and a total bummer. Satire in 140 characters or less is even more difficult, and to this day, the only truly funny fake Twitter profile we can think of is the (sadly defunct) Fake Rick Reilly, host of such cringe-inducing gems as “Houston, you don’t have a problem! Beating the Lakers in LA is enough to make any fan say Yao-ie!”

La Russa Fingers
(”140 characters? How about two: FU”)

Then there was (key word was; we’ll get to that) Tony La Russa’s fake Twitter profile, which had a typical ho-hum reference to his DUI and, a location of, um, “tossing Albert Pujols‘ salad.” So that gives you a good idea of what an intellectual titan we’re dealing with here. Obviously, there’s only one proper response by La Russa and his bored lawyer friends legal representation: our good old friend, the lawsuit (H/T: Leitch):  Read more…

La Russa Wants To Borrow Pitchers From Orioles?

Is it spring already? It must be, since Tony La Russa is already talking crazy. And no, he’s not going to start batting his pitcher 3rd in the lineup (at least not yet), but he’s cooked up another wacky idea — borrowing another team’s players.

Tony La Russa drunk towel

(Would you trust your pitchers with this man?)

Seems that Tony is friends with Orioles manager Dave Trembley, and the O’s have a surplus of pitchers in camp (37 to be exact) while the Cardinals are a little short. So why not have some of those extra Baltimore pitchers come throw some innings for the Cards in spring training games? The idea is actually gaining some traction, and may happen if the teams’ GMs and MLB lets it go through. But aren’t there some potential problems here?

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La Russa Likes REO, Doobies, Batting Pitchers 8th

Tony La Russa’s never really done things the normal way. He bats his pitcher eighth, falls asleep drunk in cars, and now he’s about to rock St. Louis. If “rock” is what you call getting Vince Gill, Huey Lewis, and some guys from REO Speedwagon for your benefit concert.

Tony LaRussa

La Russa’s Stars to the Rescue show benefits his Animal Rescue Foundation, and he sat down with the RIVERFRONT TIMES to talk about the music, man. And about Dave Henderson getting onstage with John Fogerty.

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Jared Allen Has Some Parting Words for Peterson

• Ex-K.C. NFLer Jared Allen hits the airwaves to share his thoughts on outgoing big Chief Carl Peterson - namely, “Good riddance!”

Jared Allen Carl Peterson

• As Cleveland State stuns Syracuse, Jim Boeheim stuns a microphone.

Tony La Russa believes Mark McGwire is full of integrity. We think he’s full of a different substance.

• It’s T.O.’s party, and he can cry if he wants to - since Romo & Witten didn’t show up.

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La Russa: McGwire’s Integrity Makes Him a HOFer

Remember the Mark McGwire era? It was a simpler time back then. There was no war, a robust economy, and children and old people could walk the streets at night with impunity. Tony La Russa still lives in those bygone happy years, telling anyone who will listen that McGwire never used steroids. Now he’s stumping for Big Mac’s Hall of Fame chances.

Tony La Russa and Mark McGwire

La Russa passed up the chance to celebrate Rickey Henderson’s call to Cooperstown, which is OK because Rickey is all the PR that Rickey needs. Instead he steered the conversation toward his favorite ginger hulk, and you’ll never guess his reason for supporting McGwire. (Or maybe you will, since you can read headlines.) Get this: McGwire belongs in the Hall of Fame because of his “certain integrity.”

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Did Mariners Duff On Chance For LaRussa In ‘07?

When you think of the great sports journalists of our era, some familiar names immediately come to mind: Gammons. Swindle. Whitlock McIntyre Mariotti whoever runs Busted Coverage Me. It’s time to add another name to the pantheon: Duff McKagan. You may remember him from such bands as Guns N’ Roses and Velvet Revolver, but he’s also got a better scoop than anybody on ESPN.com right now.

Duff McKegan Tony LaRussa

According to McKagan, Tony La Russa told him that the Mariners had passed him over in their search for a new manager, ostensibly after they had canned Mike Hargrove in 2007. As McKagan told REVERB (site features sparse NSFW language): Read more…

Jenna Jameson To Enjoy MMA-Made Motherhood

Jenna Jameson happily announces that she’ll soon deliver a new li’l Tito (or Titoette) Ortiz into the world.

Jenna Jameson blowing kiss

(DVD obsolescence would be good for her adolescent)

• Did Tony La Russa stop Bruce Springstreen from stepping on the St. Louis stage on time?

• The FBI is looking into Lindsey Hunter’s involvement in some shady suburban housing shenanigans.

• NBC notes nothing about a gold medal-winning Aussie diver’s alternative lifestyle.

• The LPGA demands that all their players learn to speak English good.

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Did La Russa Delay Springsteen’s St. Louis Show?

Bruce Springsteen, man. Regardless of whether you actually enjoy his music — and most people seem to — you can’t deny that he’s an utterly American institution, someone fashioned from that classic American mold: tireless traveler, boundless patriot, vengeful member of the disillusioned. To see a Springsteen concert, or so I’ve heard, is to experience all of those things simultaneously for like ten hours.

Bruce Springsteen Tony La Russa

If so, the recent Springsteen show in St. Louis probably lasted until six in the morning. After a late 9 p.m. start, fans were wondering why Bruce would delay the start time so long. Turns out his friend, Tony La Russa, may be to blame.

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