Athletes trying to become musicians is hardly new, as anyone who has seen or heard Terry Bradshaw’sattempts to become a country star in the 1970s can attest. But Bengals tight end Ben Utecht - previously known as “that Colts TE who isn’t Dallas Clark” - is going for a different audience: the Christian rock set. Well, not so much “rock” as “pop rock” - think less Creed and more D.C. Talk.
CM SPIN says that Utecht has released his eponymous debut album with the intent of spreading joy and his Christian faith. And I used the word “attempt” because listening to some of the tracks available on his Web site, I simply have this to say: I’ve heard Stryper, I’ve seen Stryper, and you, sir, are no Stryper.
Everyone and their mother puts a little money down on the Super Bowl. From absurd prop bets like the length of the National Anthem to casual pools at the office, you don’t need to be a degenerate to let money decide your rooting interest. It’s like a gambling bandwagon.
But that can turn veteran degenerate gamblers off. People who don’t know what they’re doing, moving the line in unexpected ways. It can be infuriating. But never fear: there are still ways to put that second mortgage to good use. While betting on Super Bowl 43 is passé, how about betting on Super Bowl 44?
The Patriots are the clear favorites to win the 2010 Super Bowl at 8-1, at least according to the offshore odds, which are just as good as Vegas but with better tax laws. But there are some more curious frontrunners. Those, and a look at last year’s odds (i.e. how much you could have made off the Cardinals), after the jump.
The best part about this headline, in truth, is that it’s not even the first time we’ve been able to connect Eddy Curry with a preposterous legal suit in the past month. Remember this? Still, as bad as a two-year-old Big & Tall clothing bill is, this takes the cake: According to this story in the NEW YORK POST, the oft-injured and always overpaid Knicks center is accused of trying to solicit gay sex from his chauffeur, whom he also made touch his penis, clean up towels he had ejaculated into and whom he called a, “f**king Jew”, “white slave”, “white devil”, and “grandmaster of the KKK”. Oh, and when the driver complained, Curry pointed a loaded gun at him and threatened to kill him if he spoke.
(Nothing is coming up Eddy anymore. That’s for sure.)
Yes, folks, that’s about as good a story lede as you can get. Just imagine the eyes on the reporter who tripped across this court filing. “Oh, look, a Knicks benchwarmer is getting sued. Hmm, wait a minute! Gay sex! Racial epithets! He makes $9 million!! Someone get me the executive editor!”
For your reading pleasure, here are the best lines from the suit, carefully culled by the POST:
The stunning court papers claim Curry, a married father of three, repeatedly approached chauffeur David Kuchinsky“in the nude,” allegedly telling him, “Look at me, Dave, look” and “Come and touch it, Dave.”
In a disturbing episode reminiscent of some of the evidence in the manslaughter case against former Nets star Jayson Williams, Kuchinsky further claims in his suit that Curry pointed a “fully loaded” gun at him on at least two separate occasions to keep him from complaining about his treatment. “Look, I have one in the chamber,” Curry allegedly said.
Exactly how many of the allegations Curry fulfilled is up for debate, but — as with the Duke rape case — at the very least he was doing things that weren’t advisable. Note to self: Don’t call any future butlers grandmaster of the KKK”. Oh, and don’t make them butlers if you’ve only hired them to drive you around.
However, what might be the most astonishing thing about the suit, is just how little David Kuchinsky, the driver in question, is asking for. The POST claims that he wants $98,000 — $68,000 in unpaid wages and another $25,000+ in unpaid expenses from Curry — and “compensatory damages” from the center. Look, we’re not genuises here, but $98,000 is chump change for a guy whose been making $9 million a year. Sure, it’s good money, but if you’re Curry, don’t you just settle that suit as fast as humanly possible? You whipped it out on the guy repeatedly and made him clean up your masturbatory mess, and all he wants is a measly $100G? Seems cheap at the price, if you ask us.
“Instead of paying him, they discriminated against him, figuring that it would keep him there,” said Kuchinsky’s lawyer, Matthew Blit. “Imagine going into your boss’s office … and he stands up and drops his pants and he asks you take care of him. Those actions are unacceptable whether it’s in a corporate office or a private home.”
It’s worth noting that Kuchinsky does have a checkered past — he served a three-year prison sentence for a 1992 burglary in New Jersey — and that Curry’s lawyer, Kelly Saindon, says that the suit is the culmination of a series of blackmailing threats from the former chauffeur.
Still, if any of these allegations are admitted to or proven true in a court of law, it will solidify one thing: Curry is the human equivalent of canine feces. Yes, we’re calling him dog crap. He can take his 2:38 of game action this entire season and shove it. Or maybe Kuchinsky can do that for him. He might like that.
There was more NBA news, but alas, it was much less inflammatory, degrading or insulting. Still, it was pretty entertaining. Following a second-straight win over Toronto, snapping the team’s previous elongated losing skid in the process, Celtics center Kevin Garnett felt comfortable enough to loosen up in a postgame presser and go Christopher Reeve on everyone. Here’s the video:
Is it just us, or does Paul Pierce always seem like KG’s red-headed step-cousin in the interview room? Garnett steals the stage even when he’s trying to deflect praise, all of which makes the dual-mic pressers even more awkward, and more entertaining in the process.
Also, if you haven’t seen him play yet this year, now might be a good time to check out Oklahoma’s Blake Griffin. Here’s a lowdown of what he does well: Everything inside the three-point line. Here’s what he does poorly: select earphones. Did anyone see the earbuds he was using during a pre-game shootaround before Monday night’s win over rival Texas, a victory which snapped a six-game Oklahoma hoops losing streak against the Longhorns? They were either A) really old iPod earbuds or B) ripoffs of iPod earbuds. We couldn’t see “COBY” on them, but they had all the tell-tale signs. What, he can’t afford any Bose or Sony in-ear headphones? And what about the Nike ‘phones that are allegedly “designed for athletics”. Nike sponsors OU and they won’t comp a future top-10 pick a pair of headphones?
(Hmmm. Blake Griffin. Think he’s from Quahog, R.I.?)
You know all those horrible chick flicks they put out with a hot actress — say, Kate Hudson — who is torn between two perfectly affable potential lovers and friends? Well, in this one, the two guys are played by PGA stud Adam Scott on Alex Rodriguez. Oh, and it’s actually happening.
Remember the old codger of a Hall of Fame voter in Tuscon who openly forgot to vote for Rickey Henderson? Well, ol’ Corky Simpson is taking out his frustration on the interwebs. We’d give you his home address and email if we had it … so come back soon. We should have it by lunch (gotta love the interwebs, even if Corky doesn’t).
There is no way Ed Rendell will ever win another election in Pennsylvania; he just simultaneously jinxed both the Steelers and Eagles with one, ferociously stupid blow.
Rendell might get off easy if it’s really snowy in Pittsburgh and the Ravens slog out a gross game. That’s more than you can say for the Spanish soccer fans in the video below.
There have been plenty of self-assured hurrahs about the Colts’ new coach after Tony Dungy’s retirement, with Jim Caldwell lauded as the perfect replacement waiting in the wings. Well, did anyone think to check out his record at his last stop? SHUTDOWN CORNER did. Guess what: It isn’t pretty.
Speaking of the Colts, if things keep going down this path, Dungy might not be the only constant Indianapolis face leaving town. Marvin Harrison might be gone, too.
The team has a news conference scheduled for 5 p.m. Eastern. In the meantime, Glazer reports that Dungy has been “walking around the team’s complex saying goodbye to players and team employees and informing them that the transition should be a smooth one for new coach Jim Caldwell.”
Remember way back in October, when the Indianapolis Colts were 3-4 and their playoff hopes looked completely dead in the water? What a difference a couple of months make. Last night’s 31-24 win over the Jacksonville Jaguars was the team’s eighth straight, clinching a playoff berth and as the INDIANAPOLIS STAR notes, made them the first team ever to win 11 or more games in six straight seasons. And Tony Dungy became the first coach since the merger to make the playoffs in ten straight years.
All impressive, but the star of the night was Peyton Manning. You might not have noticed, but after struggling a bit during the team’s early slump, Peyton’s stepped out of his little brother Eli’s shadow, putting together a string of great performances despite not having a run game to speak of. And last night might have been his best yet: 364 yards and three touchdowns, including completing his first 17 passes in a row.
If he keeps this up, he might get some endorsements in the future. The game was a bit of a letdown for Jaguars fans, but their highlight had to come before the game, when paralyzed lineman Richard Collier took the field in a wheelchair with his teammates. No jokes there, just a Christmas wish that no other NFL players (or athletes) are the victims of needless crime in 2009.
Meanwhile, the NFL wants you to become a narc. Not about drugs (so please stop following Ricky Williams around, thanks), but about unruly fan behavior. USA TODAY reports that NFL teams are giving fans a way to report obnoxious fans to stadium security by sending a text message.
It’s more discreet than having to find a security guard and point someone out, but it does lend itself to “prank texts” of people wanting to kick people out of the stadium. For example, Buffalo fans shouldn’t text message security and demand that Dick Jauron is kicked out of the stadium for “impersonating an NFL head coach.” Note: the Saints, Rams and Titans don’t offer this service, so feel free to act like complete cretins at these games.
NESW SPORTS has footage of Chris Webber going “Iraqi Shoe Thrower” on Charles Barkley in the name of “Gene Chiznik” (I think he meant Chizik). I haven’t seen Sir Charles move that fast since a Vegas pit boss came towards him to collect his marker:
They’re getting Wrigley Field ready for the Winter Classic NHL game, and apparently they’re also indulging in some egg nog (or Old Style) while they are at it. GOING FIVE HOLE has video of an incident that occurred while unloading one of the Zambonis. Just call it a “Zam-boner.”
In case you missed it, Tim Tebow questioned Mel Kiper Jr. on why the draft pundit thought he wouldn’t make it as an NFL QB, and the Hair Helmeted One really didn’t have a good answer. COLLEGE FOOTBALL TALK says that comments like that (and anger over not winning the Heisman Trophy this year) might drive Tebow from Florida and into the NFL.
GOLF DIGEST says that Jack Nicklaus has a holiday message for Tiger Woods: get well soon, but don’t break any more of my records. And get off my lawn!
THE SPORTING BLOG rolls up with word that Bronson Arroyo’s personal motto is “It ain’t no fun unless the homeys can have some!” from a Snoop Dogg song, meaning sharing the sexual services of young ladies with your friends. Talk about a Hot Corner…
Some charity auctions offer you the chance to hang out with an athlete, and learn from the greatest. Others allow you to own a piece of sports history. Then there are auctions where you bid on drawings that look like they could have been done by the athlete’s 6-year-old grandchild. Whoever’s selling this crap better be glad it’s for charity.
That’s Yogi Berra’s masterpiece. I’m sorry, but does it say “Stay Away, yo” down there at the bottom? Gangster.
Doodle For Hunger is a worthy cause, though the name seems to imply they’re supporting hunger. And it’s a nice gesture for the athletes and celebrities who contributed their, uh, “art.” Because, as WITH LEATHER says, “there’s something really enjoyable about seeing pro athletes being absolutely terrible at something.” Still, you’d have to put it on the fridge just so Yogi doesn’t feel dejected. (More athlete artistic abortions, after the jump.)
In a player survey, 80 percent of NFL players were polled as to which coaches they’d most, and least, want to play for. It’s actually a fascinating look at how players balance their desire to win with their desire to play for a nice guy, two things that are often mutually incompatible. And Bill Belichick, probably the best illustration of that, got some interesting responses.
The last two Super Bowl winners ended up at opposite ends of the list. Tony Dungy, unsurprisingly, was named the most desirable head coach - his father-figure-like manner, and on-the-field success made him a clear number one. Hardass Tom Coughlin was the coach players least wanted to play for. The poll was conducted during last season, before the Giants’ championship, so those 53 players with rings are probably pretty glad they sucked it up. Plaxico Burress could not be reached for comment.
And what about Belichick, an a**hole who always wins?
If Tony Dungy seems a bit distracted right now, he has every right to be. It’s not very often that the coach finds his Indianapolis Colts at 1-2 and out of first place in the AFC South, and he’s been using the Colts bye week to help figure out a way to get his team back on track. He’s also using the time off to run some errands around the house, and after a recent trip to the gas station, Tony left something rather important behind.
Dungy was on the phone with somebody (my guess is God) while pumping gas, and he swiped his credit card at the pump to pay for it. The problem was, since he was on the phone he couldn’t put the card back in his wallet, so just placed it atop the pump until he hung up. Then he hung up, got in his car and drove off leaving the credit card behind.
