Announcer: Urinal Cake Unfrosted After 20 Innings!

Bob Raissman of the NEW YORK DAILY NEWS, via Jimmy Traina of SI.com’s Hot Clicks, points a considerable tract of his most recent piece on New York media to the urinary dilemma that faced Mets announcers Kenny Albert and Tim McCarver during the Mets-Cardinals 20-inning game last Saturday.

Kenny Albert Cake Boss

In the 17th inning, Kenny Albert, Fox’s play-by-play voice, informed viewers that his partner, Tim McCarver, had left the booth in the seventh inning. Albert did not specify if T-Mac took a pause for the cause, but those familiar with the situation say he did. Albert also reported: “I have not left the booth in 17 innings.”

At that very moment, all chances of Albert landing that big-bucks Flomax endorsement deal went down the tubes. What was not known at the time is that Albert is practiced in the “art” of retention. In July 1998, he worked a 17-inning Indians-Mariners game and did not once visit a Kingdome bathroom.

“And I did not go during the entire game (Saturday),” Albert said yesterday.

How is he able to do (or not do) this?

“It’s all mental,” he proclaimed. Read more…

Speed Read: Posada Gets Yankees In Stupid Brawl

You might wonder why you see the occasional baseball fight during July or even August, but almost never in September. For a good reason why, ask Bill Lee. (Actually don’t, because you’ll probably get a two-hour lecture on pot. Or the evil of the DH. Or both.) Even though it happened in May of 1976, him separating his shoulder during a huge brawl between the Yankees and the Red Sox caused him to miss the majority of the season (and possibly ruined his career).

Yankees vs Blue Jays brawl

So the same reason last night’s fight between the Yankees and the Blue Jays was both so compelling and ridiculously stupid. Because they were throwing real punches - not just the usual preschool pushing of most big league fights - and big-name pitchers like Joba Chamberlain and C.C. Sabathia were right in the middle, just waiting for a Blue Jay with a grudge to rip up their multimillion dollar arms. A good rule of thumb: don’t get into fights with teams who are 13 games under .500 - they don’t really have much to lose. Read more…

Fox Sports Has Trouble Telling Black People Apart

After second-generation ballplayer John Mayberry, Jr. launched a home run in his second major league at-bat in today’s Phillies/Yankees game on Fox, Joe Buck and Tim McCarver lavished praise over John Mayberry, Sr. (a 14-year major leaguer) and expressed how proud he must be. The camera lingered over a man in a World Baseball Classic Panama jersey and his two pre-teen children.

Not John Mayberry Sr.

(Huge hat tip to Matt P of THE 700 LEVEL for helping to get this screenshot of a very focused Not Senior)

Which probably should have been a clue, really, to the Fox Sports crew on site. They picked up on their mistake an inning later and announced they had shown two minutes of the wrong man. Hey, it’s an easy mistake, right? Right?

(Video after the jump.)

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Tim McCarver Does Not Pass Go, Loses $1 Million

If you saw the recent Casino Royale - so much better than Quantum of Solace - this story will sound eerily familiar: A broker (possibly with an eye that cries blood) takes his client’s money and invests it in a few high-risk ventures, despite his client urging him to “keep it conservative”. The risks don’t exactly go as planned, and he loses a vast portion of his client’s money. In this case, however, instead of a machete-wielding African mercenary, the client in question is everyone’s favorite World Series announcer, Tim McCarver.

Tim McCarver, Monopoly Guy

(Ruh Roh!)

A decent sum of money it was, too; McCarver reportedly lost about a cool million bucks on poor investments. And now he’s taking his broker, Morgan Keegan & Co., to court for “allegedly misleading him on just where his money was invested.” Even better, McCarver’s lawyer, Dale Ledbetter, is using the old Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer defense.

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Speed Read: Phillies Not Fanatical About Hitting

Deciding to listen to Tim McCarver blather his way through World Series commentary on TV or turning the sound down and listening to the dulcet, confused tones of Joe Morgan on the radio is like choosing between swallowing broken glass or sliding down a razor blade hill - both choices hurt. But I went with the radio guys for Game 2, mainly because of Jon Miller. And as usual, Morgan got stuck on a mantra he kept repeating over and over throughout the game, this time about the Phillies’ not being able to hit with runners in scoring position.

Rays fan with Joe Maddon sign

Unlike many of his obsessions, he actually was right about this. But it doesn’t take a Hall of Famer to know that hitting 1-for-15 in a game (and 1-for-28 for the Series) is bad. And while they were able to find a way past the Rays in Game 1, they couldn’t on Thursday, as Tampa Bay held on for a, frankly, uninspiring 4-2 win to tie the Series at one game each.

Phillies bench during Game 2 of the World Series

Anyone who kept claiming that this was going to be the most entertaining Series possible can shut up now - of course Red Sox vs. Dodgers would have been more fun, and it couldn’t have been played at a more average level. This Series is less sizzling through two games as it is melting. At least we have things headed over to Philadelphia, where I’m sure the fans will be in fine spirits. Enjoy the trips, Rays!

West Virginia running back Noel Devine

Meanwhile, Auburn was busy just plain fizzling against West Virginia, as Noel Devine made “SEC speed” seem like a stoner going 20 miles per hour on his way to Taco Bell for some munchies. It was big run after big run, as Devine wound up with 207 yards rushing as the Mountaineers throttled the Tigers 34-17.

Think the fact that a supposedly “quality” SEC team just got waxed by an underachieving Big East squad will lead anyone to start questioning the conference’s credentials? Nah, didn’t think so either.

Here’s what else was happening while you were checking out The Flintstones’ kitchen:

Which Tampa Bay Ray is going to get the most heat from Phillies fans during Game 3?

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EK: Manny IS ‘Despicable’ & Furcal More Important

Unwitting Just For Men spokesman Tim McCarver had this to say recently about Manny Ramirez: “It’s extraordinary - the dichotomy between what he was in Boston and what he is in Los Angeles. I mean, talk about wearing out your welcome in a town, and it was a long welcome with the Red Sox. But some of the things he did were simply despicable, despicable - like not playing, refusing to play. Forgetting what knee to limp on. And now it’s washed, it’s gone.

Erik Karros Manny Ramirez is a dog

(Was Manny a dog in The Bean? Karros: Yep.)

Since the comment came out on Tuesday, the whole of L.A. media has cowered at Manny’s feet, castigating McCarver for his unfair characterization. Except perhaps the best-known former Dodger under the age of 80 (who doesn’t lie about hookers and meeting the pope), Eric Karros.

Karros, now a respected TV and radio analyst, not only agreed with McCarver’s comment, but also said Dodger shortstop Rafael Furcal was the key to the NLCS against the Fightin’ Phils (and yes, My Boy Barry has your LA-PHI tickets - at a discount). Read more…

Blog Jam: Maria Sharapova Is Not A Cheap Date

    Maria Sharapova

  • Ann Killion of the SAN JOSE MERCURY NEWS brings up a good point: Why is nobody going after Lou Piniella for being 0-6 in the playoffs, while Dusty Baker would’ve never escaped such criticism.

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Cubs-Loving Smurf Douses Reporter With Water

Somebody probably should’ve informed Mouthpiece Sports’ on-scene reporter Molly Dapier that Cubs fans, particularly those in blue body paint, are insane and possibly dangerous.

Wrigley Field welcome

On Wednesday, Dapier was interviewing people outside Wrigley Field when an enterprising, half-naked, blue Cubs fan got the idea to dump a Gatorade cooler full of water over her head. Video idiocy after the jump.

I’ll wait while you laugh hysterically. (Or, more likely, quietly wonder where it all went wrong with today’s youths.)

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ASU Cheerleaders In Undies; Harrison Packs Heat

Orange Julius Jones Soda - make it so, Seattle soft drink distributors!

• Arizona State is bedeviled by some snapshots of their cheerleaders showing off in their skivvies.

Arizona State Cheerleaders cut for racy photos on internet

(Photo back by popular demand)

• Apparently, Marvin Harrison is not the calm, cool customer we thought he was.

Jim Rice boils at Torii Hunter’s claims that Red Sox fans are racist.

• Kentucky basketball coach Billy Gillispie likes ‘em young.

Joe Buck & Tim McCarver are taken for a ride by the Feds. Unfortunately, they brought McCarver back.

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Buck, McCarver Got US Marshal Rides for World Series?

The Justice Department has been checking into reports that US marshals got into Fenway Park during the World Series last October using their badges, hung with Joe Buck and Tim McCarver in the booth, and then escorted them back to their hotel in their government cars, possibly with lights flashing.

Joe Buck, Tim McCarver, Tommy Lee Jones

(Give it up, boys; it’s time to start driving!)

While it may seem odd that this topic comes up six months after the World Series ended, please understand that anyone seeing US marshals next to Buck and McCarver may have simply assumed that the two Fox broadcasters were finally being arrested for their crimes against baseball-loving humanity.

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