Lindsey Vonn On Tiger: “You Go Have That Sex”

Sean Gregory of TIME Magazine has Lindsey Vonn recently riffing on the Tiger Woods speech last week:

Lindsey Vonn jokes about Tiger Woods

Like millions of Americans, Vonn can’t help poking fun at Woods’ staged event. When a member of her Vonn-tourage tells her that Woods gave a few friends hugs after ending his statement, she cracks, “They’re like, ‘Yeah, you’re awesome, you go have that sex.’ ” The room breaks into a laugh. Then she describes a skit she would want to perform if asked to host Saturday Night Live: picture Vonn at Woods’ podium, blue backdrop and all. “There’s something you don’t know about me,” Vonn says in a faux solemn, apologetic voice. “Tiger, you’re like my idol, and I too have a sex problem.” More laughter. “That would be freaking funny.”

Vonn is serious about the SNL thing. Very serious.

Will Saturday Night Live be one of them? “I’m hoping for it,” she says. “I’ve got to call [NBC Sports chairman] Dick Ebersol to see if SNL will have me. I have some ideas.” An appearance by Vonn may not get Woods’ ratings, but it would be worth tuning in.

Ebersol actually created the SNL franchise, with Lorne Michaels. Thanks to Vonn’s gold medal, SPORTS ILLUSTRATED cover appearance and subsequent spread in SI’s swimsuit issue, it’s a given she’ll be hosting SNL as soon as the Olympics conclude.

Simmons Slips Sly Reilly Rip Past ESPN Editors

Fun read by ESPN.com’s Bill Simmons about the Tiger Woods speech on Friday. There’s some good stuff in there, but one particular graf towered over the rest of the piece - at least for me.

Bill Simmons roasts Rick Reilly over Tiger speech reax

Three grafs down, Simmons writes:

But listening to talking heads praise that ludicrous speech pushed me over the edge. Someone actually said, “It came from the heart.” It did? Was it C3PO’s heart? I thought it seemed like an automated response from Microsoft’s new “Cheater’s Confession” program.

Either that passage is more coincidental than a Mark Geragos-led murder trial defense, or Simmons was referring to his ESPN colleague Rick Reilly.

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Tiger’s Talk: More About Media Fight Than Faults

Instead of devoting his appearance today to contrition for his sins and a change in character, Tiger Woods reinforced previous perceptions about his personality.

Tiger Woods Talk

Part of sincerely admitting a problem is recognizing that your approach to life is broken. Legitimate recovery means giving up complete control over your life. It certainly doesn’t entail the kind of conditions Woods demanded of the media and public for his appearance today.

The most telling comment of the speech was Woods noting specifically that he wanted to thwart the paparazzi by self-publishing photos of his babies. While I understand and don’t disagree with what Woods did in that instance, why is he emphasizing that during what was purported to be a speech devoted to his personal sorrow?

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Poll: Convinced Tiger Woods Now Changed Man?

Tiger a changed man?

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PGA Pro Confirms Elin Won’t Attend Tiger ‘Talk’

Longtime PGA Tour pro and Tiger Woods Stanford teammate Brad Faxon confirmed to WEEI-AM’s Dennis & Callahan show in Boston today that Elin Nordegren will not be at Tiger Woods “talk” this morning in Orlando:

Elin Nordegren to get $80M in new pre-nup with Woods

Faxon said Notah Begay dropped out of this weekend’s PGA tournament in Mexico to be with his former Stanford teammate at the press conference, adding, “I know Michael Jordan’s going to be there. I know Elin is not going to be there. … I think Tiger really wants some friends there. That’s why this thing is really a mystery to me.”

Elin not showing? Now we know why Woods is still in therapy.

PGA Commish Does Tiger’s Bidding With “Letter”

Thursday night, Doug Ferguson of the ASSOCIATED PRESS and PGA Tour Commissioner Tim Finchem helped Tiger Woods damage control the backlash from PGA Tours pros and Tour sponsor Accenture on the timing of Woods’ “talk” on Friday.

Tim Finchem and Tiger Woods

In a Thursday piece for the AP, Ferguson reported that he “obtained” a letter from Finchem that was apparently sent to something called the, “PGA Tour policy board.

Excerpt of the “letter”:

As we understand it, Tiger’s therapy called for a week’s break at this time during which he has spent a few days with his children and then will make his statement before returning,” Finchem said in a letter Thursday. “Accordingly, there was very little flexibility in the date for the announcement.”

The text of the letter is nothing more than an attempt by the commissioner to quell angry PGA players and this week’s match play tournament sponsor Accenture. Both parties are rightfully upset about Woods grabbing the spotlight right in the middle of the PGA Tour event. In fact some players, like Ernie Els, have expressed outrage. Read more…

PGA Player Refused Tiger’s Invite To Friday ‘Talk’

Prominent PGA Tour pro and longtime friend of Tiger Woods John Cook confirmed to the ORLANDO SENTINEL today that he received an invitation to attend Woods’ “talk” in Orlando on Friday.

John Cook and Tiger Woods

(Longtime Tiger friend Cook spurned Tiger’s invite)

The Sentinel with his response: “No, he’s not going.”

Cook, who has known Woods for well over a decade, also provided some details on Woods’ ordeal.

“As far as I know, he never had a phone. I know the next day he was gone [from Isleworth]. He hasn’t had contact with anybody other than face-to-face, which I hadn’t had.”

Dude never had a phone? Wow. Knowing Woods’ insane penchant for privacy, hopefully giving up that info won’t mean we’ll soon be calling Cook a “former friend” of Woods.

Also worth noting: Cook played with Woods at the 2007 Tavistock Cup - the same event that TMZ.com reports will be the site of Woods’ return to golf. Though Cook told the Sentinel he had no idea what Woods’ future plans were:

“I can’t even speculate what he might come out with. It’s great to have him back. To what extent, we don’t know. We have no idea what his plans are.”

Speaking of invites to Woods’ maniacally-controlled lecture talk tomorrow, we’ve confirmed at least one of the attendees. And possibly two more.

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