U of Florida Asking For Bailout From Athletic Dept.

The next time somebody complains about the obscene amounts of money put into a large Division I athletic program amid these tough economic times, remember, citizens, that it is your duty as a fan to encourage them to kindly take such a complaint and forcefully insert it into a bodily orifice of your choosing. Choose creatively, though; people remember the first time they’re told to f*** themselves in the ear. The reality is that at these institutions, the athletic department is a self-supporting, highly profitable wing of the university that routinely pours money back into the school on a net basis, not the other way around. It’s delightful fun to tell an English T.A. that the athletic department pays its own bills, and their department might want to try that sometime. It’d be best if you don’t like them in the first place, otherwise the room gets chilly. But I digress.

Tim Tebow Heisman baby pose
(Tebow also plans to raise money by selling this baby.)

The University of Florida, like everything on the entire planet, is facing a dramatic economic shortfall right now, and one of the plans involves cutting well over 700 jobs and shutting down several academic problems. But over there in the athletic wing, the Gators are swimming in their own Scrooge McDuck money pit, delirious with joy over the attention and revenue that accompanies a national title and a returning Heisman Trophy winner in Tim Tebow (maybe you’ve heard of him). One half of the school’s bleeding money, the other half’s printing it. Hmmm…

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Tebow Returns, Forestalls World’s End One Year

Moreover, brothers and sisters, we declare to you the gospel which we preached to you by which also you are saved from life without Tim Tebow in Florida, if you keep in memory what we preached to you, unless you have believed in vain that He shall return for his senior season.

Tim Tebow church sign

For we delivered to you first of all that which we also received, how that Tebow won the BCS Championship Game again according to the Brennaman; And that he took a few days to think it over, and that he rose again the third day according to the ORLANDO SENTINEL; And that he was seen of Urban Meyer for another season, then of the eleven (except Percy Harvin because, c’mon, who are we kidding).
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Speed Read: Gators Win BCS Title, Nation Yawns

It was close, but last night’s BCS Championship Game was far from a classic. Now nobody’s sure who the best team in the country is, with Utah, USC, and Texas all able to make legitimate claims. It certainly didn’t look like either one of the teams playing last night deserved it. The only thing we do know is that Fox broadcaster Thom Brennaman has a Florida-sized man crush on Tim Tebow, who finally decided to not suck in the fourth quarter of the Gators’ 24-14 win over Oklahoma. Brennaman and Charles Davis‘ gushing reached unbearable levels late in the game, when, after Tebow received a taunting penalty, they suggested that he was baited into it by an OU player (with zero evidence to suggest that was true). How could this guy have possibly done anything wrong?:

Tim Tebow

As for the Sooners, Sam Bradford continued a storied tradition of that year’s Heisman Trophy-winning quarterback playing like crap in the title game. Lions fans officially have nothing to look forward to.

The highlight of the game for me personally was the fact that ACC referee Ron Cherry was involved. Cherry made waves last season for creating a new reason to call a personal foul:

We know that the coaches are supposedly required to give their #1 vote to the BCS winner (although Utah’s Kyle Whittingham says he’s voting for his team), but the AP title was up for grabs. And even though Florida’s win could be considered somewhat lackluster (the defensive effort was really good, I’ll admit), they got 48 of 64 first-place votes, with the Utes receiving the other 16 and finishing #2. Way to make a statement, there, disgruntled sportswriters of America.

Rocco Baldelli and his weird mystery disease signed with the Red Sox yesterday. He’ll only get $500,00 in base salary, but can earn an additional $1.75 million if he stays on the roster all year. John Smoltz is rumored to be the next signing for the Red Sox. Meanwhile, Trevor Hoffman signed a $6 million dollar deal to be the closer for the Brewers this year.

Let’s get on with the linking:

• YAHOO SPORTS’ Adrian Wojnarowski writes that the Portland Trail Blazers are threatening litigation against any team that decides to sign Darius Miles. The Blazers were able to purge Miles’ contract from their salary cap last year when they succesfully argued that he had suffered career-ending injuries. But Miles recovered, and has played eight games. If he plays two more games, his salary goes back on Portland’s cap, limiting the Blazers’ versatility in the offseason free-agent market and also sending luxury tax money to every other team in the league. The Blazers are worried that some team will sign Miles to a 10-day contract just to screw them over.

Darius Miles

•  Stanford’s win over Washington in women’s basketball was expected. But nobody really thought the Cardinal would win the game by 77 points. Yikes. It’s the largest margin of victory in Pac-10 history. Stanford led 62-15 at halftime and rolled to a 112-35 win. The SEATTLE P-I has the game story.

• NEWSDAY says Brett Favre’s in no hurry to decide whether or not to return next year.  The suspense is killing me.

• According to MLB TRADE RUMORS, the Pirates are talking to the Yankees about a trade for Xavier Nady. You know, the same guy the Pirates traded to the Yankees last year. They might have new management, but they’re the same ol’ Pirates.

• THE DALY PLANET says that NASCAR’s truck series may be in a bit of trouble, and that you can count the number of drivers with a full-time ride in the series “on two hands.”

• This letter to the editor in the WALL STREET JOURNAL hits on a truth that isn’t often talked about so plainly: if you’re an NFL fan, you’re a fan of socialism.

• Iowa Hawkeyes radio broadcaster and former NFL player Ed Podolak was having some fun down in Tampa last week before the Outback Bowl. THE WIZ OF ODDS has the photos, courtesy of an Iowa State message board (of course):

Ed Podolak

Curt Schilling is getting after Dan Shaughnessy again, this time about Shaughnessy treating Roger Clemens and Pedro Martinez differently in the same situation and suggesting the race card. THE BIG LEAD has the details.

• The EXAMINER’s Paula Duffy reports that the WNBA and L.A. Sparks are doing their best to pretend that they aren’t furious over the news that 2008 league MVP Candace Parker is pregnant. Parker is set to give birth in May, and it’s unclear when she’ll be able to return to the court, if at all, in 2009.

• THE NASHVILLE SCENE says a Tennessee representative has proposed a $400 yearly tax for pro athletes and entertainers as a way for the state to make money. Tennessee has no state income tax. No word on whether or not Kerry Collins would have to pay double.

Which is the creepiest announcer-related man crush?

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Thom Brennaman Called Last 2 Monumental College Football Upsets

BRENNAMAN IN BOOTH FOR BIG HOUSE & BOISE BOOMERS: When it comes to recent huge college football upsets, Thom Brennaman seems to be at the right place at the right time. TB was doing play-by-play for the Big Ten Network in Appalachian State’s shocker over Michigan last weekend:

Thoom Brennaman Appalachian State

But, as an astute commenter pointed out on YouTube (where good comments are as rare as the #5 team in the country losing to a 1-AA opponent at home), Brennaman also voiced Boise State’s BCS-bashing triumph over Oklahoma in last season’s Fiesta Bowl for the Fox Network.

Boise State Fiesta Bowl

So, if you’re a big-time program wanting to avoid the latest fates of the Wolverines and Sooners, try to keep Thommy out of your press box.