Confused about the seemingly capricious nature of suspensions in the NHL? Thinking justice is subject to the whims and vagaries of Gary Bettman’s drug-addled* conscience? The Maple Leafs-centric DOWN GOES BROWN disagrees, and has put together a foolproof flowchart that explains all the NHL’s disciplinary decisions. It’s funny but frighteningly accurate, one of those “hahaha–hey wait, this is all fitting together a little too well…” things.
We’d post the whole version here, but it’s too large for our format and really must be experienced in all its glory at the original site here. Also, as a bonus, there’s a playoff version. That’s small enough for our format, so it’s after the break.
A little confession: I’ve never really gotten into 30 ROCK. Yes, I’m told at least once a week that it’s the funniest show on television and that Tracy Morgan is a comedic genius. I’ve just seen the show about 4 times - trust me, I tried to get into it - and each time, it was just all right, but not enough for me to get invested in it (though I howled for about five minutes straight after this line).
That, however, may change. 30 Rock may have won me over with this clip of character Jenna Maroney’s “TENNIS NIGHT IN AMERICA” intro from last night’s show. There’s little subtlety in the allusion to the insipid Faith Hill spot for NBC’s actual FOOTBALL NIGHT IN AMERICA, but that’s par for the course with 30 Rock. Video is after the break.
Last Friday, we brought you the story of Red Star Belgrade’s historically unruly fans and their unappreciated attempts to, ahem, “redecorate” a restaurant in Prague’s medieval district, an act of charity that was met with a hilarious 150 arrests.
(My god, it’s the elusive Baltic Shave-Headed Moose-Reporter! We thought he was extinct!)
But the Red Star fans have a softer side, you see, and they don’t have to break everything in sight just to have a good time. Heck, all you have to do is put an unsuspecting reporter in front of them and the fun is one. Watch below.
Remember the big deal that was made when David Beckham made his return to LA Galaxy, and the fans were mean, then he challenged one to a fight, and the fan said sure, then the fan got out of his seat, and the two so totally almost fought if they’d been 40 feet closer to each other? That sure was intense, right?
(The face of a man without regret. Err, the exact opposite.)
Feh. Piddling. Of no great import, we say! If you really want to enjoy some fan-based misbehavior, you’re going to have to travel to Europe. And not just any old Europe; we’re talking about Eastern Europe, which is like what would happen if our Rust Belt were constantly fighting itself. You thought rural Ohio was an indefensible dump now, imagine what would happen if it also hosted some good, old-fashioned bombing and ethnic cleansing!
But they still love their soccer. And their alcohol, they love that too. And they also really love anarchy. What could go wrong? Video after the break.
Speeding is, depending on who you ask, either the scourge of road safety or the most overenforced law on the books. There’s no middle ground here, because there’s no middle ground anywhere in American discourse anymore. Actually, the two possibilities aren’t mutually exclusive; maybe it’s both. Anyway.
(Hey, speeders! Take your eyes off the road and read this! Err, wait, that’s not going to help anything.)
In Durham, NC - home of the Durham Bulls, Duke Blue Devils, and North Carolina Central Eagles - residents are starting to fall squarely in the “scourge of road safety” camp. Understandably, then, they were upset when local police began cutting back on programs designed to curb speeding. Upset enough to take enforcement into their own hands in a move that’s either spectacularly brilliant or spectacularly dumb.
For many hockey fans, the league would never - and could never - be the same after the Hartford Whalers skated out of town and became the Carolina
Generics Hurricanes. Gone was the kitsch of a small-market team with one of the best logos in pro sports history, and in its place was just another franchise in a market with all the tradition, character, and charm of your local Applebee’s.
(Best logo ever? No, that’s the 1980s Milwaukee Brewers. This is #2.)
But according to the HARTFORD COURANT, the dream may not be dead, as Mayor Eddie Perez and the city are in talks with commissioner Gary Bettman and the NHL about bringing a franchise back to the city. There’s no indication that they’d bring back the Whalers name, but there’s no talk that they wouldn’t, either. Hey, if the Cleveland Browns can do it (and this is the only time you ever want to do something like the Browns), then why not the Whalers, eh? But unsurprisingly, there are hurdles to be leapt: