When last we left Omar Vizquel during the off season, he was wrestling anacondas. This year following the Texas Rangers’ World Series appearance (laugh track), Vizquel wants to climb into the ring with a larger opponent.

In a conflict as old as mammals themselves, it will be American League infielder vs. bull in a struggle for survival. Vizquel wants to learn to be a matador when he returns to his native Venezuela later this month. Your move, PETA. Read more…

Usually, Tony Romo saves his worst for last, shining as the season begins but falling apart in December and January. But hey, last night was kind of a big game - it was the first “official” game at the new Cowboys Stadium, and it was a national TV audience against the arch-rival New York Giants. So I guess you can’t blame Romo for reverting to his late-season form and throwing up all over himself in the Cowboys’ 33-31 loss.

Romo threw three picks - including one that was returned for a touchdown - and generally looked more spooked than a race horse that’s just been hit with a firecracker. But despite this, the Cowboys actually led late, and it looked like Dallas might pull out an improbable victory. Read more…

You know that a story has become a national phenomenon when Matt Lauer and Meredith Vieira get their paws on it in New York’s “Today Show” studio. That’s where little Emily Montforto ended up this morning with her father, Steve, to tell the tale of how the adorable moppet threw back a perfectly good foul ball at a Phillies game.

But this is by no means unique: As long as kids have been attending baseball games, they’ve been doing precocious things. Let’s break open a sleeve of Graham crackers and a half-pint of milk and take a look back at some of them.

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• Erin Andrews gets down & dirty in a new photoshoot for GQ magazine.

• Oakland Raiders coach Tom Cable ducks & weaves from questions about his alleged clobbering of assistant Randy Hanson.

• Hey, Georgia Bulldogs fans - please pass the caviar, s’il vous plait!

• Jeremy Mayfield’s stepmom won’t keep off her stepson’s lawn. What, is she high? Why, yes she is!

• A group of senior bowlers in Oregon put the beat down on a would-be purse snatcher. We must protect these lanes!

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You probably thought we were avoiding it today. And you know what? We were going to. I mean, come on - the guy’s way past his prime. Just because he’s going north, back to his old stomping grounds doesn’t mean he’s the same player he was in the ’90s and the earlier part of this decade. The magic is gone at this point; he only looks like the superstar of 10-15 years ago.

(This picture sorta ruins the joke.)

Yeah, we said we weren’t going to talk about him, but we just couldn’t help ourselves. And when you consider the guy’s been in the league since 1991 - anytime he changes teams, it’s a big story. So here we are.

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So often the news is bad when it comes to baseball spectators and balls hit into the stands (Cub fans, you know who you are). America longs for a feel-good story about snagging baseballs, and here it is. Below you see CJ (last name unknown), who caught not one but two foul balls off the bat of the Rangers’ Josh Hamilton on Sunday — during the same at-bat.

But the best part for many people is that this kid caught both fouls directly in front of a pair of Red Sox fans. Robbed! Face! Red Sox Nation cannot be happy about this.

(Video after the jump.) Read more…

David Ortiz has got to be thrilled with the way today unfolded. But for the sudden presence of the immediately-infamous Josh Hamilton photos, his press conference today would’ve been the most talked-about story in sports. As is, he’s basically off the hook for now as the sports world digests the surprising photos and even more surprising admission from Hamilton, given the way most sports figures handle unflattering news these days (DENY DENY DENY).

Unfortunately, one thing that may get lost in all this Hamilton scorn/praise is the extremely curious reaction to the photos by Hamilton’s personal advisor/coach/chaperone, Johnny Narron, who, as Hamilton’s religious mentor deserves scrutiny in the face of DEADSPIN’s questioning.

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Vicente Padilla exists in a small sliver of the pitching population of baseball: the sustained mediocre. He’s never good enough to, well, be considered good. He’s never bad enough to be moved to the bullpen or demoted. He’s just there.

(He fights like he pitches: Poorly and with that stupid look on his face.)

Well, he was there, anyway. Texas, apparently tired of paying $12 million a year for a steaming plate of below average, designated the pitcher for assignment today. And they seem to be really, really happy about it.

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By now, the saga of Josh Hamilton is well-known: #1 draft pick, flamed out spectacularly like a squirrel in a bonfire, then a triumphant, clean return to the game that climaxed in an awe-inspiring performance at the 2008 Home Run Derby.

(Josh, that doesn’t look like sobriety at all.)

But then DEADSPIN released a dozen photos of Hamilton, often shirtless and surrounded by gleefully revelrous young ladies. That’s one above, and the other 11 are similary raucous - and damning, considering Hamilton’s supposed to have been off the sauce for years.

Time for lame denials and no-comments? Actually, no. Read more…

When going to watch your favorite baseball team in an opposing team’s stadium, there are a couple things to keep in mind as an away fan. If you’re wearing your team’s jersey, expect to be heckled. Your reaction to the heckling determines whether you’ll have a fun time or end up with a beer spilled on you or worse. It’s generally a good idea to keep the massive drinking down to a minimum as well - if the home team’s fans are famously hostile, you’ve gotta keep your head on a swivel, just in case. Stay aware of these things and you’ll have a great time in any city, even if your team’s the enemy.

These helpful guidelines unfortunately come a day late for one Texas Rangers fan who attended last night’s A’s-Rangers game in Oakland. Being drunkenly belligerent to the home team’s fans is asking trouble in and of itself - taunting Oakland fans is always a dicey proposition. But taunting the police who show up to escort you from the premises? Yep, that’s a Tasing.

(Video after the jump.)

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