Terrell Owens’ tenure in Dallas was marked by plenty of controversy, and with good reason; it’s hard to get a “clubhouse cancer” label without really earning it. At the same time, the slavish efforts of reporters like Ed Werder - usually seen camping outside the Cowboys’ compound, reporting minutiae that wouldn’t be ESPN-worthy for 90% of the league - seemed to indicate that ESPN almost just covering their own coverage of the team.

(This sounds serious!)

But now that T.O.’s off in the hinterlands of Buffalo, keeping his mouth shut while his offense freezes to death, ESPN’s forced to pimp their Dallas outpost, even as no stories really seem to exist. Ah, but soft! What light through yonder breaks? It is Irving, Texas, and Crayton’s displeasure is the sun! Has Mr. Crayton got horrible things to say about his coaches as a front-page ESPN line would indicate? Well…

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And so Twitter’s takeover of the human race begins like this. It started as a simple comment by Adam Schefter on Tuesday morning, as he casually typed in ESPN’s Rumors Central section that, hey dude, wouldn’t it be cool if Terrell Owens were a Chicago Bear? Schefter was just pretty much thinking out loud, listing a few reasons why such a trade would make sense.

He may as well have been thinking that scientists could use fossil DNA to bring back dinosaurs to fight for us in Afghanistan. It has just as much basis in reality as the Owens-to-Bears rumor. But Twitter often doesn’t deal in reality.

In case you hadn’t noticed, Twitter can take an idle rumor and jump-start it into the world’s consciousness. Twitter wants Terrell Owens to be a Chicago Bear. Just look at Google trends right now, where “Terrell Owens traded to Bears” is the No. 12-most popular search, and climbing.

And people are reacting. Can Twitter actually will a rumor into existence? Read more…

While NBC commentator Rodney Harrison has already sufficiently exhausted his hyperbolic capital for 99% of the football-loving population, there’s still some affected by his now-mundane bomb-throwing.

(Don’t worry, T.O. still keeping current on his bible passages Tweets too!)

Actually make that one affected. Terrell Owens.

Owens lost it on Twitter after apparently hearing that Harrison called him a “straight-up clown.” He responded by accusing of Harrison of doing steroids. Repeatedly. (At least between his quoting bible passages.)

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Normally, you don’t see a broadcast booth spend a plurality of a football game raving about the “time of possession” statistic. Then again, normally, you don’t see a team win said battle by a full 30 minutes of game time, which is precisely what Miami did to Indianapolis last night. And then again, you don’t normally see a team control the ball for fewer than 15 minutes of the game… and win anyway.

(”Okay, so you just scored the go-ahead touchdown. Allow me to retort: BOOOO THUMBS DOWN TO YOU BOOOOOOO!”)

But lo and behold, thanks to the quickest of quick-strike offenses, the Colts did exactly that; thanks to touchdown drives of 1, 6, and 4 plays, Indianapolis prevailed in Miami, 27-23. Indeed, the Colts’ longest drive of the night was a 9-play drive that led to a 2nd quarter field goal; on the other side of the field, the Fins had exactly one shorter drive: an 8-play, 25-yard drive that ended in a punt. After that, literally every drive of theirs was 9 plays or longer. That’s the longest shortest drive since [ERROR WE ARE NOT ELIAS SPORTS BUREAU CLIENTS ABORT, RETRY, FAIL?].

Ah, but without turnovers, time of possession is effectively meaningless. Read more…

If anyone wanted to know the difference between college football and the NFL, you just needed to watch the two games last night. (At least the two that anyone cared about - sorry, Florda A&M at Winston-Salem State on ESPNU.) If you like offense, crazy plays and wild comebacks, then the Clemson at Georgia Tech game was for you. But if you prefer low-scoring, hard-hitting football that’s kind of not very exciting until the final five minutes, then the NFL kickoff game between Pittsburgh and Tennessee was for you. (Sorry, is my bias showing?)

First let’s talk about the Steelers’ 13-10 overtime victory. Plainly put, Pittsburgh had no reason to win this game. They could not run the ball, gaining a whopping 33 yards. (Note to the guy in my fantasy league bragging about “stealing” Rashard Mendenhall: eat it.) And between Jeff Reed almost shanking the game-tying 32-yard field goal into the offensive line’s backsides and Hines Ward fumbling after a reception took him inside the Titans’ five with a minute to go, they were teetering on disaster. Read more…

Excited about the first regular season Monday Night Football game? Rodney Harrison is … um, does he realize it’s not on NBC? The ex-Patriots safety, now an analyst there, has some interesting things to say leading into New England’s opener with the Bills. Maybe it’s the human growth hormones kicking in?

Basically, says Harrison, Terrell Owens can suck it. Key quote: “I’m pumped about T.O. opening up his big mouth about the Patriots. It’s fair now. I can actually put a bounty on T.O. if I wanted and not get in any trouble.”

But there’s more.

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It’s been no surprise to any fan of the NBA (especially the televised version) that Dwight Howard is a popular person to put in front of a camera. Hey, why not? He’s a physical freak of nature with a flair for the dramatic, and acting goofy is a lot easier than learning post moves.

(Dwight, I know a place where you can take advantage of better special effects than that.)

But as you can imagine, Orlando ought to be very worried that Howard has evidently figured out that part about acting and playing basketball. And while there’s plenty of places in America to shoot a movie, the best place is right in the backyard of that team that just erased them in the Finals.

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Not even back on the football field, and already Michael Vick is winning awards. In a poll I can get behind (although I don’t completely agree with the choices), Vick was voted overwhelmingly as the most hated man in sports. Data was collected by E-Poll, an Encino, Calif.-based marketing research firm, and reported by FORBES MAGAZINE.

As you have deduced from our photos above, Manny Being Manny and Alex Rodriguez placed and showed, and the remainder of the 10-man field is, well, interesting. A couple of glaring omissions, and couple of WTFs? And don’t worry: Isiah Thomas is there. Read more…

With a new NFL season approaching, we’re looking forward to another year of exciting & titillating coverage. And we know just the lady to provide it: Ines Sainz.

As you may or may not recall (but will be happy to be reminded), Ms. Sainz is a sports reporter for Mexico’s TV Azteca. She made quite an impression at Super Bowl Media Day a few years back, and last season even got a camera-shy Terrell Owens to come out of his shell. (TV tip to T.O.: Get Ines on your reality show, and folks might actually tune in.)

Let’s hope that CBS or Fox or NBC or ESPN can broker some kind of talent exchange deal with TV Azteca, so we can see Ines strut her stuff on the sidelines from San Diego to Cincinnati, move her money maker from Miami to Minnesota, bounce that butt from Baltimore to the Bay Area … well, you get the idea.

(More pics of Ines after the jump.)

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• T.O.’s Twitter-based lobbying must have worked, as Michael Vick has been reinstated into the NFL - if any team wants him.

• O.J. Simpson is having a swell time in prison - except that he thinks his cellmate is ready to kill him.

• While the real Canadian Open gets washed out, Canadian soldiers hold their own golf tournament in sunny Afghanistan.

• Hank Aaron wants steroid “cheaters” out of the Hall of Fame, but wants Pete Rose in.

• Michael Strahan’s new Fox sitcom looks terrific - terrifically bad.

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