The Nationals Are Not Exactly Hooked On Phonics

You laughed at their jerseys, and searched their media guide to no avail trying to find someone named Jordan Zimmerman. Now the Washington Nationals have struck again. Hmm. Instead of signing a pitcher before the trading deadline, I suggest a couple of characters from “Sesame Street.”

Teddy Rossevelt, 26th Prezidunt of the U.S.

The most remedial of all major professional sports franchises is offering this fine item for sale at Nationals Park, and our 26th President is not amused. Teddy Roosevelt, or “Rossevelt” as he was known to his stupider friends, will boycott all future President Races until this error is fixed. “I charged up San Juan Hill for this? Bah!” Read more…

Big Market Nats Payroll To Be Pared To $35M?!

You can take the Expos out of Montreal, but you can’t take the Expos out of the Expos. Despite a fancy new ballpark, the Nationals are heading for their worst season in four years since relocating to the District and are in a tight three-way race for the worst record in all of baseball. The only reason to show up these days is to see if Teddy Roosevelt wins the president race ever again.

Nationals President Race

Now comes word that the Nats may be considering trimming payroll next season by as much as $20 million (from $55 to $35M), frustrating a fan base and even team employees who are dumbfounded as to why the organization would continue to trot out an inferior product at a beautiful new venue in one of the largest metropolitan areas in the country.

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