Remember Tebucky Jones? Of course you do; everybody remembers their first Tebucky. For the youngins, though, Jones played in the NFL for several seasons at safety, even winning a Super Bowl with the Patriots back in 2001.

(He’s a wide receiver? I thought guys only played receiver if they didn’t like to hit.)

These days, Jones is an assistant football coach at New Britain High School in Connecticut, where he attended high school. One of the players on that team is one Tebucky Jones, Jr., and surprise of surprises, they’re related. Like his father, Jones is a terrific athlete and gaining considerable attention from some D-I colleges, like UConn. One tiny problem, however, would be the holy smoking assload of charges Jones faces for a fight at school from May.

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Even with the Orlando Magic leading the Boston Celtics by 17 midway through the fourth quarter in Game 7 of their Eastern Conference semifinal, you may have had an uneasy feeling in your stomach that it was a big set-up to a massive, heartbreaking, Stan Van Gundy-firing collapse. Of course Boston was going to make a run - especially with Dwight Howard sitting with five fouls. The only question was how badly would the Magic collapse.

After all, they had blown a 14-point lead in Game 5 of the series, and almost let a 28-point cushion slip away in Game 1, so why not save the “best” for last? And sure enough, after Ray Allen hit a three-pointer with 4:12 to play, the Celtics had cut the lead to 12 and were poised to make something happen. So, of course, there was only one man the Magic could turn to in their hour of need.

That’s right, Mr. Pizza Man himself, Hedo Turkoglu. Maybe the grease on his fingers from his pregame meal of pizza put extra spin on the ball, but he was out of his mind in Game 7, especially when the Magic needed him most. He responded to Allen’s three-pointer with one of his own, and then hit a fallaway jumper on the next possession to get the lead back to 17. Maybe he’s a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, and pizza is his spinach?

After that, it was time for the Celtics to pull Allen and Paul Pierce for a final round of applause, and bring in the scrubs. (Otherwise known as “Gabe Pruitt Time!”) As for the Magic, they haven’t been this far since the Shaq and Penny days, so you can excuse the people of Orlando if they don’t exactly act like they’ve been there before.

So the NBA didn’t get the Cavaliers vs. Celtics match-up they were craving, but their consolation prize is nice: the most dominant big man in the game (Dwight Howard) vs. the most dominant anything in the game (LeBron James). As for Bron-Bron and the Cavaliers, you can see that they were clearly concerned about who they would play:

Let’s see Van Gundy draw up a defense for that.

As the NBA’s reigning champs were dethroned, the current NFL champs get ready to enjoy one of their spoils on Thursday: the traditional meeting with the President in front of the White House. But NFL Defensive Player of the Year James Harrison won’t be joining them. No, he doesn’t have a pressing personal emergency, and it’s not a political protest. His reason is a little more complex than that:

“This is how I feel — if you want to see the Pittsburgh Steelers, invite us when we don’t win the Super Bowl. As far as I’m concerned, he [Obama] would’ve invited Arizona if they had won,” said Harrison.

So let me get this straight: Harrison is upset because he thinks that Barack Obama is playing favorites and only inviting the Steelers because they won the Super Bowl and not because he’s their biggest fan? Apparently he didn’t see the bitchin’ helmet tattoo that the President got before the playoffs, or the new paint modifications he made to Air Force One once he took office:

Finally, the Stanley Cup playoffs started their conference finals on Sunday, and the Detroit Red Wings gave the upstart Chicago Blackhawks a welcome to big time hockey with a 5-2 thumping in Game 1 of their series. But the big story was almost something far darker, as the Blackhawks’ Adam Burish narrowly escaped a Richard Zednik/Clint Malarchuk moment when his neck was clipped by the skate of teammate Ben Eager.

Unlike the other two players, Burish only received a minor nick that didn’t require stitches. Still, he knows how lucky he was:

“I don’t know how my head was still connected there,” Burish said. “I saw his skate. It was like he did a figure skating move. He lifted his skate up and I just watched it go over my neck.”

If only they made some sort of device that could protect hockey players in case a blade happens to catch them in the neck. A “neck protector,” if you will. But I guess that’s just crazy talk.

• THE STATE says South Carolina baseball player Casey Rihn allegedly learned the hard way why you don’t keep hitting the back of a police car with your hands when you are walking around drunk at 2 a.m.: you can wind up arrested after the cop in your car turns your face into Hamburger Helper on the ground.



• I guess that Usain Bolt’s OK after the foot surgery following his car crash: The AP says that in his first meet back in Manchester, England, he set the world record in the 150 meters at 14.35. Yeah, he even has the world record for a race no one runs now.
• Walls? After you’ve been through the kind of hell Josh Hamilton has, walls are nothing. Actually, the DALLAS MORNING NEWS says that the wall was a pretty decent adversary for the Rangers’ outfielder, as he suffered a mild groin strain while making a game-saving catch against the Angels.
• Dear Bruno Junqueira: Thanks for qualifying our car for the Indianapolis 500 - we really appreciate it. But we hope you don’t mind that we’re pulling you from the ride and replacing you with Alex Tagliani. It’s nothing personal - it’s just that he’s our main driver and all, and he failed to qualify. Best, Conquest Racing. P.S. Please return your driving suit to us by 5 p.m. or you lose the deposit.
• Manchester United wrapped up the English Premier League crown this weekend, but the biggest story might be the plight of former soccer heavyweights Newcastle United. As the TELEGRAPH reports, their 1-0 loss to Fulham puts them on the edge of relegation to soccer’s minor leagues, as they need a win in their final game to stay in the EPL.
• NFL fans who don’t get the NFL Network might finally be in luck: SI’s Peter King says that the league is closing in on a deal with Comcast to make the network available on the regular digital cable package. Finally, I won’t have to pay a premium for my daily dose of Rich Eisen.
• TROY NUNES IS AN ABSOLUTE MAGICIAN sat down with new Syracuse football coach Doug Marrone for an interview, but not during breakfast if their arteries know what’s good for them. After all, Marrone claims that he once ate “42 pancakes with two sticks of butter…or a stick and half of butter…no, two sticks of butter and a thing and a half of maple syrup. I take pride in what I can eat.”
• As if the Colorado Rockies didn’t have enough problems with the Pittsburgh Pirates taking two of three against them over the weekend, BUGS & CRANKS says that they even had to dodge bats kicked at them by the umps.
• It was apparently “Dress Like A Banana Day” in San Francisco for the Giants’ game against the Mets, but THE SPORTS HERNIA says that Jon Miller was the only person in the ESPN broadcast booth to get the memo:



• What’s more American than baseball? The CHARLOTTE OBSERVER has an answer: beer and baseball. Since a local ordinance was changed allowing them to sell beer on Sundays, the minor league Charlotte Knights have seen attendance for Sunday home games go up by 30 percent.

I think I’ve found the world’s worst person: his name is Jaime Salcedo, and he’s the owner of Showbiz Productions in Jacksonville, FL. He first made a name for himself by selling the “Vick Chew Toy,” which is not related to the one the St. Paul Saints gave away. In fact, if you read the fine print at the toy’s Web site, it’s not even Michael Vick at all. Crazy how someone could get that idea, right? Check out the promotional video for yourself:

So while the toy and it’s cutting-edge “dog material” might be an overpriced, one-note joke aimed at making a quick buck, it’s not really horrible. Now, creating a doll based on a toddler who was gruesomely killed by her mother, that would be hideous. Folks, let me introduce you to the “Sunshine Caylee Doll,” also a creation from the monstrous kitchens of Showbiz Productions, meant to be a “tribute” to slain Florida two-year-old Caylee Anthony.

Of course, as Salcedo told Fox News, he wanted to be sensitive to Anthony’s memory, so he made sure the doll had little resemblance to her - even if it did play her favorite song “You Are My Sunshine” when you pressed its stomach. After all, making the doll look like Anthony would be “too morbid.”

But Salcedo wanted to make sure everyone knew he wasn’t a heartless slime trying to make money exploiting dead toddlers and mangled dogs. He was also a philanthropist, pledging to donate portions of the sales of the Vick Chew Toy to local animal shelters and $5,000 from the sales of the Sunshine Caylee Doll to the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children.

Well, Salcedo did make a donation to that last group: for a grand total of $10. And it seems evident that no donations were made to local animal shelters from sales of the Vick doll. So not only was Salcedo making money off of products in horrible taste, but he was pulling a big grift by using charity donations that never happened to support sales.

Finally, someone is doing something about it: the JACKSONVILLE TIMES-UNION says the Florida Attorney General’s office is suing Salcedo for $20,000 for making false advertising claims, and seeking an injunction against further sales of the dolls. Florida Attorney General Bill McCollum said that using a respected organization such as the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children as a front makes things even more reprehensible:

“Any company that intentionally misleads innocent consumers to believe they are contributing to worthy charitable causes is absolutely reprehensible,” he said. “It is disgusting that a company would exploit a tragic situation for personal gain.”

Of course, when you consider that Salcedo himself estimates that he sold at least 200,000 Michael Vick dolls at $7.77 each (grossing more than $1,500,000), a $20,000 fine feels like a slap on the wrist. I know times are tough, but the people of Jacksonville can’t band together and find the time and money to get the supplies needed for a good old fashioned tar and feathering? I’ll even chip in and by the first barrel of tar.

Meanwhile, there wasn’t much going wrong on Thursday during the first round of The Masters, unless you consider the appalling traffic. Despite assurances by government officials that the kinks that led to significant traffic snarls at the beginning of the week had been worked out, the AUGUSTA CHRONICLE says that traffic was even worse for the opening round, leading to headaches such as a local doctor having to run three-quarters of a mile to make a speaking engagement at the course.

At least it was perfect weather for a run, and also for shooting a low score: it was the second-lowest scoring first round in tournament history. The Day One leader is Chad Campbell, who set a tournament record with birdies on his first five holes and flirted with history before back-to-back closing bogies left him at 65, one stroke ahead of Hunter Mahan and Jim Furyk.

How crazy was the scoring on Thursday? If Phil Mickelson had shot 73 in last year’s first round, he would have been tied for 29th, five shots off the lead. Instead, he starts today tied for 51st, looking at an eight shot deficit. Even the over-50 crowd was getting into the scoring act: Larry Mize sits in a tie for fourth after a 67, while the group at 70 includes Greg Norman and Bernhard Langer.

Also firing a two-under: Tiger Woods, who probably could have been near the top of the leaderboard if one of five or six putts go in instead of burning the lip of the cup. The other main contender we previewed yesterday, Padraig Harrington, also had a quietbut efficient round, going one lower than Woods. Even Gary Player, in his final Masters, shot a respectable 78. In fact, every player broke 80 except for New Zealander Michael Campbell, who must feel great that even Craig Stadler’s portly butt beat him by three shots.

Finally, Andrew Bynum’s comeback from a knee injury might not be on par (get it?) with Tiger Woods’, but it couldn’t come at a better time for the Los Angeles Lakers. The LOS ANGELES TIMES reports that Bynum looked comfortable and healthy in his return after missing 32 games from a torn MCL, racking up 16 points and seven rebounds in just 21 minutes as the Lakers blew past the Nuggets, 116-102. Which begs the question: Could his injury actually have been a break for the Lakers, as their center is now rested and not worn down by the rigors of a long regular season?

• A few weeks ago, we told you about the Fifth-Third, a 4,800 calorie, four-pound burger that is the new entry at the concession stands at West Michigan Whitecaps games. CNBC says that the gut-buster made its debut last night, with 107 of them being sold. Of the 32 people who tried to eat the whole thing, 17 were successful. Lord, I don’t want to know what the toilets looked like around the seventh inning stretch.



(CNBC’s Darren Rovell ponders the glory of the Fifth Third Burger)

• LOCKDOWN CORNER says that former Green Bay Packers lineman Syd Kitson is trying to create the world’s most environmentally-friendly city somewhere in Florida. In true Green Bay style, everything is either powered by sharp cheddar cheese, or the light shining off of the still-brilliant aura of Brett Favre.
• Syracuse basketball looks to take a bit hit next year, as the AUBURN CITIZEN says that Jonny Flynn, Eric Devendorf and Paul Harris will all enter their names into the NBA Draft. Also looking to flee for the pro game: UCLA’s Jrue Holiday, Wake Forest’s James Johnson and Miami’s Dwayne Collins.
• Speaking of drafts, about the only thing the WNBA does right is take advantage of the one-week period right after the NCAA title game when people still remember that women’s basketball exists to hold their draft. The No. 1 pick? Louisville’s Angel McCoughtry, to the Atlanta Dream.
• Remember the kerfuffle caused when Teresa Earnhardt refused to let her stepson Dale Earnhardt Jr. take his No. 8 with him when he left DEI to go to Hendrick Motorsports? I guess karma really is a … you know. FOX SPORTS says the No. 8 car will be permanently parked, as DEI has had to shut down operations on Aric Almirola’s team because of a lack of sponsors.
• The person I would least expect to be in a Twitter controversy is Joe Paterno, who probably thinks that’s what happens when your pacemaker gets to close to a microwave. But ESPN.COM says his son Jay might have inadvertantly spilled the beans that the Big Ten is banning night games in November, meaning the Penn St./Ohio St. tilt will be played in the afternoon.
• Yesterday’s least-surprising arrest had to be that of volatile former NBA guard Vernon Maxwell. The GAINESVILLE SUN says he was arrested in Florida Wednesday morning and charged with a probation violation stemming from failure to pay child support.
• BALL DON’T LIE has the gripping story not coming to Broadway next fall: “Nellieball: The Musical.” Much like Don Nelson’s teams, it starts off promising but runs out of steam by the final act and falls apart.
• Last time we heard about Nebraska tight end Hunter Teafatiller, he was having a party thrown in his “honor” as he was preparing to go to jail on a DUI charge. I guess it’s time to make another keg run in Lincoln, because the AP says he’s been arrested again, this time for driving on a suspended license.
• Dan Hawkins wants you to know that not only is Colorado football not intramurals, brother, but it’s not a place for your cell phones and cameras. The COLORADO SPRINGS GAZETTE says the school has closed practices because of too much information floating around the Internet.

Just when it looked like Notre Dame would scrape out a respectable season and end up with a bid to an above-average bowl simply by beating Syracuse, they helped keep some mid-level SEC school’s dream of the Cotton Bowl alive by giving in to a complete fourth quarter capitulation to the Big East’s most feeble offense. Final score? Syracuse 24, Notre Dame 23. If Charlie Weis‘ seat wasn’t hot already, it’s burning up those 44-inch-waisted khakis now.

(This man is a coaching failure. And he beat Notre Dame. Makes sense.)

To their credit, Notre Dame’s fans took things into their own hands, pelting Fighting Irish players with snowballs as they sit on the bench. The fans also had the good taste to pelt an NBC cameraman with snowballs, while they were at it. After all, who needs leis when you’ve got airborne precipitation missles?

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We’re all aware of Todd Marinovich’s passion for pot, his jonesin’ for joints, his making tracks for marijuana. Well, the smoking apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, as younger brother Mikhail also enjoys lighting up. But the mini-Marinovich would rather do it legally - and make a tidy profit from it.

THE WIZ OF ODDS reports that Mikhail has started a smoking lounge in Syracuse. The Orange DE (L) has teamed up with teammate Niko Rechul (R) to open up Hollywood Hookah, a place where central New York Staters can enjoy a puff or two from those tall bottles they swear aren’t just giant-sized bongs.

But Mik & Nik’s new establishment isn’t just some hokey hookah hole in the wall. It’s got quite the spread for Syracuse smokers:

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Deciding to listen to Tim McCarver blather his way through World Series commentary on TV or turning the sound down and listening to the dulcet, confused tones of Joe Morgan on the radio is like choosing between swallowing broken glass or sliding down a razor blade hill - both choices hurt. But I went with the radio guys for Game 2, mainly because of Jon Miller. And as usual, Morgan got stuck on a mantra he kept repeating over and over throughout the game, this time about the Phillies’ not being able to hit with runners in scoring position.

Unlike many of his obsessions, he actually was right about this. But it doesn’t take a Hall of Famer to know that hitting 1-for-15 in a game (and 1-for-28 for the Series) is bad. And while they were able to find a way past the Rays in Game 1, they couldn’t on Thursday, as Tampa Bay held on for a, frankly, uninspiring 4-2 win to tie the Series at one game each.

Anyone who kept claiming that this was going to be the most entertaining Series possible can shut up now - of course Red Sox vs. Dodgers would have been more fun, and it couldn’t have been played at a more average level. This Series is less sizzling through two games as it is melting. At least we have things headed over to Philadelphia, where I’m sure the fans will be in fine spirits. Enjoy the trips, Rays!

Meanwhile, Auburn was busy just plain fizzling against West Virginia, as Noel Devine made “SEC speed” seem like a stoner going 20 miles per hour on his way to Taco Bell for some munchies. It was big run after big run, as Devine wound up with 207 yards rushing as the Mountaineers throttled the Tigers 34-17.

Think the fact that a supposedly “quality” SEC team just got waxed by an underachieving Big East squad will lead anyone to start questioning the conference’s credentials? Nah, didn’t think so either.

Here’s what else was happening while you were checking out The Flintstones’ kitchen:

• SIMON ON SPORTS wants to know: can you guess the baseball hitter just by his stance? Me either, unless Jim Leyritz is involved.
• The BOSTON GLOBE has a new online Adidas ad featuring Kevin Garnett taking a group of kids on a tour of the Garden and the city. It’s a good thing several people happened to have video camera to record this clearly spontaneous event.
• The TENNESSEAN notes that Titans’ rookie Chris Johnson was fined $10,000 for banging on some drums following a touchdown against the Chiefs. Todd Rundgren expected to lead his appeal.
• San Jose State with a piece of college football history? The LOS ANGELES TIMES says so, as the Spartans’ “Nacho Brothers” are the first siblings to lead college football in statistical categories during the same season (in this case, tackles for loss and interceptions).
• ESPN says that Florida has exonerated EliteXC of any wrongdoing in Kimbo Slice’s loss to Seth Petruzelli. I’m sure the owners will be thrilled once word reaches them in the poorhouse.
• It’s the end of the road for Allan Houston’s comeback, as the NEW YORK DAILY NEWS says he’s been cut by the Knicks and offered a role in the front office. Because he knows a lot about how to watch out for ridiculous contracts.
• Over in Phoenix, the Suns are seemingly pushing Grant Hill towards early ownership, as the ARIZONA REPUBLIC says they are benching him in favor Matt Barnes. Hill responded to the news by angrily pulling his hamstring.
• PRO FOOTBALL TALK has some burning news: Steelers receiver Santonio Holmes has been busted for marijuana possession.
• The NEW YORK TIMES has your Greg Robinson Watch update: not fired yet, but the fact that Syracuse has hired a search firm to find a replacement is not a good sign.
• Is there NFL Fever in London ahead of Sunday’s game between the Saints and the Chargers at Wembley? According to USA TODAY, not so much.

• So no matter that the new movie The Express might claim, West Virginia fans didn’t harass Ernie Davis during his Heisman Trophy-winning season, or ever? Next you’re going to tell me that Rudy really didn’t wind up getting carried off the field after saving Frodo from Gollum.



• Coastal Carolina’s golf team must have had John Daly as a role model, as three players were suspended for underage drinking. Drinking and golf? Who ever heard of such a thing. If they need a drinking buddy, maybe JJ Reddick news came out that his contract with the Magic could be extended - just so they can release him.
• Apparently the UC Davis Marching Band liked showing off their little Aggies a little too much for the band director’s taste - he’s filed a sexual harassment complaint against band members.
• Not fat? French league basketball player Ho You Fat. Also not fat: Bengals LB Darryl Blackstock. You usually aren’t when you’ve been yoking up with the help of steroids. Or as the Bengals call getting trouble with the NFL, “taking one for the team.”
• Mark Sanchez might not play this Saturday against Arizona St. If about 50 more players on the USC depth chart get hurt, the Sun Devils might have a shot!
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It’s hardly news, of course that a movie that’s “based on a true story” would fudge some facts, much less a historical sports movie (Sure, the Titans won a playoff game on a last-second, 80-yard reverse. Sure they did). And hey, why not, right? If we already know that the protagonist will succeed, why not have him do so in the face of as much adversity as our sick minds can imagine?

Such was apparently the mindset of the producers of The Express, the story of Heisman winner Ernie Davis and Syracuse’s magical championship season in 1959. In the “uplifting” movie, Davis and his teammates endure untold amounts of harassment from opposing fans, perhaps nowhere more so than in Syracuse’s trip to Morgantown to face West Virginia.

There, the Orangemen encountered nasty, brutal, racist fans who showered the team in garbage, threats, and epithets. In a true testament to the team’s countenance, they struggled through the hostility and kept their championship dreams alive. There is, of course, one teensy little problem with that storyline. Read more…

Don’t forget - we’re live blogging tonight’s Angels-Red Sox game at 10 pm ET.

• Terrell Owens trades the object of his irritation from Tony Romo to Keyshawn Johnson.

• Guess blackouts do work, after all. Just ask the White Sox and Middle Tennessee State. But don’t ask Georgia.

• Ty Willingham likes his Huskies’ chances this year. Um, should someone tell him Washington is 0-4 already?

• For a 3rd place finish in the AL East, Yankees GM Brian Cashman is awarded with a new three-year, $6 million deal.

• Always wondered what’s written on those NFL QB wristbands? The Boston Globe finds out - and wishes they didn’t.

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Now that Lane Kiffin has been removed from the Raiders, there’s rampant speculation on where the former Oakland coach & USC coordinator might find employment.

We mentioned earlier that Kiffin could end up sitting in the saddle at Syracuse, since Greg Robinson’s tenure is more or less at an end. (Getting no support from the school AD certainly doesn’t help, either. But would you support a team that gets zipped 42-28 by Akron at home?)

Now, new rumors are popping up that Kiffin could be donning an Orange shirt, but not in upstate New York. How does Knoxville sound instead?

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