The Seahawks Are Driving Fans Towards Suicide

From what I’ve been told, the city of Seattle is one of the most beautiful in all of the United States.   I’ve never been there to see it myself, so when I think of Seattle I tend to think of grunge music, rain, Starbucks coffee, and bad sports teams.  Things have been so bad in the Pacific Northwest that the Sonics left Seattle for Oklahoma City of all places.   The Mariners are horrible, and the state’s two college football teams have combined to go 1-15 this year.

Still, even though there have been plenty of bad teams in Seattle sports history, for the last few years the people in Seattle have always had their Seahawks.   In the last decade the Seahawks have won five division titles, and even got to the Super Bowl a few years ago where they fell to the officials Pittsburgh Steelers.   Well this season, Seattlites (Seattleans?  What the hell do you call somebody from Seattle?) don’t have the Seahawks to give them hope, as the team is now 2-6 and it’s causing fans to wonder what the point of living is.

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Clint Malarchuk Is Immortal And Incredibly Stupid

Do you remember who Clint Malarchuk is? No? Well maybe this picture will help jog your memory.

Clint Malarchuk

(”Oh man, my contact lens came out!”)

Yes, that’s Clint. Oh, what a day that was for the young Buffalo Sabres goaltender. Any goalie can block a 100 MPH slap shot at his face, but only Mr. Malarchuk can block the shot and then take a skate to his throat that cuts his jugular and live to tell about it. What we learned about Clint on that fateful day back in 1989 is that he is very, very lucky man. What we learned about Clint this past Tuesday was that he’s also incredibly sad and stupid.

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