Suddenly it was 2002 all over again for the Lakers vs. Kings rivalry last night in Sacramento. The Arco Arena crowd was hooting and hollering and the Maloofs were acting like giant cheeseballs, high-fiving, bear-hugging and giving lap dances to anyone within reach. Sacramento temporarily forgot how lousy they are in delivering a 113-101 beatdown of Los Angeles that really wasn’t that close. Wake up the echoes of Vlade and C-Webb, indeed.

What the game came down to was defense, specifically the Lakers’ total lack of it. They were unable to stop the high pick and roll, leaving the Kings with huge lanes to the basket to score or dish for threes. This is not a good sign for the Lakers going into tonight’s game against Steve Nash and the Suns, even if Shaq isn’t playing.

That’s three bad performances in their last four road games against average to awful teams (Indiana, Washington, Sacramento), which should be enough to silence any talk about 70 wins. But before Lakers fans go calling their therapist for a new prescription of Zoloft, they should remember that the team is still 17-3.

Meanwhile in Cleveland, a legendary Cavaliers superstar reached a huge career milestone. Congratulations to Zydrunas Ilgauskas, who had set the franchise record for career rebounds in the team’s 114-94 rout of the Toronto Raptors. And oh yeah, some guy named LeBron James tried to horn in on the Big Z’s big night by setting the team’s career mark for steals and chipping in with 31 points.

Other sports news to read while you consider calling in gay to work today:

• Apparently, about the worst thing you can do in England is tell someone they look like Manchester United star Wayne Rooney. THE SUN reports that drunken slur in a taxi line led to one man’s death while the Rooney lookalike is currently facing manslaughter charges.
• The DETROIT NEWS has word that big-mouth former Michigan QB and mediocre MLB player Rick Leach thinks that former Wolverines coach Lloyd Carr should “support” the guy who replaced him, Rich Rodriguez.
• An Australian politician rues to the HERALD SUN that having soccer players overstay their visas and apply for asylum is one of the risks of hosting the Homeless World Cup.
• The WINSTON-SALEM JOURNAL notes that Ted Turner and TBS have been found guilty of a breach of contract in the sale of the Atlanta Hawks and Thrashers and ordered to pay $316 million in damages. Turner immediately protests that this “was nothing like an episode of Law & Order.”
• Buffalo Sabres goaltender Ryan Miller is cross that a ref swore at him during Monday’s game against Pittsburgh, says the BUFFALO NEWS. Reg Dunlop does not approve.
• A good hint for coaches: don’t tell the press that it’s impossible for your team to win a game against your No. 1 rival, and Real Madrid’s Bernd Schuster said ahead of his team’s game against Barcelona. Not surprisingly, the NEW YORK TIMES reports Schuster’s been sacked. Also, don’t believe any rumors that Stephon Marbury is heading there to be the next coach.
• 20 years later, Billy Ripken talks to CNBC’s Darren Rovell about his infamous baseball card. He still gets recognized “a couple of times a week” because of it - three guesses what people call him. Hint: it rhymes with “duck race.”
• Stephen Curry: he’s streaky, but he’s also really good, as anyone who saw his second-half performance against West Virginia can attest to. The NEW YORK TIMES has all the details.
• The latest name to enter the CC Sabathia Sweepstakes? The San Francisco Giants, who apparently weren’t burnt badly enough by Barry Zito to swear off big money pitchers. But Giants’ GM Brian Sabean tells the SAN JOSE MERCURY NEWS his team is just a “fallback” option if Sabathia doesn’t sign with the Yankees.
• Remember when Texas Tech QB Graham Harrell said there was a “great chance” that Mike Leach wouldn’t be back coaching the Red Raiders next season. Turns out he’s changed his mind, says the AP (via the SEATTLE TIMES).

The latest installment of the Phoenix Suns’ flameout came last night in an embarrassing loss to Dallas. It’s now clear that new coach Terry Porter’s low-post based offense isn’t working out all that wonderfully. And Porter’s personality might also be a source of consternation for the players.

After taking a game off to rest, Shaquille O’Neal dropped a stinkbomb on the Suns in his 26 minutes vs. the Mavs Thursday. So what now for The Big Judas? Why, throw his team under the bus after the game on his Twitter account, of course! Read more…

• The ex-wife of Bruce Pearl puts her alimony money to amusing use.

• LeBron James receives a Madison Square Garden reception fit for a king.

• Brian Urlacher dresses his kid in pink diapers & blue nail polish.

• Giants kicker wants the President to pardon his pot-peddling brother.

Read more…

Hey, SbBers! Before you close that last Spreadsheet file & high-tail it out of the office, or before you scribble out that last essay test answer & high-tail it out of the classroom, how ’bout one more Clever Caption Contest to digest before you stuff your stomach this Thanksgiving?

And what better way to honor an American tradition than by featuring a Canadian NBA star who looks like he got caught with his hand in the pumpkin pie:

What’s causing Steve Nash to shudder so? Submit your suggestions into the comments section. And since this is a pre-holiday edition, today’s winner will be announced in the end-of-the-day recap not only in boldface, not only in ALL CAPS, but also in … wait for it … ITALIC!

Good luck, and good typing! Make the Big Cactus’ li’l teammate proud.

• Barnes belts Rafer. Nash dashes in. Shaq shoves everyone. Things have certainly heated up between the Suns & Rockets.

• Maybe London isn’t so crazy about hosting the Olympics, after all.

• NASCAR honcho Bruton Smith could use some spare change - about a billion dollars’ worth.

• Courtney Bryan: from NFL rosters to Arby’s roast beef.

Read more…

The NBA. Where Matt Barnes flattening Rafer Alston with a forearm happens. We soon entered some sort of bizarro world in which Steve Nash is the third man in in a brawl while Ron Artest just observes from the bench. Then, for some reason, Yao decides to fight Tracy McGrady. It was just about the only entertainment in Houston’s suprisingly easy 94-82 win over the Suns.

Here’s video of the incident. It’s the Rockets’ TV broadcast, so of course everyone wearing a white jersey deserves to be shot, according to these guys:

The Celtics got a buzzer-beater from Paul Pierce to hand the Hawks their first loss of the season, 103-102. A tough loss, but it’s clear that Atlanta is going to be a major factor in the Eastern Conference this year. For the second straight night, the champs had to come back from a double-digit deficit at home to eke out a win. One wonders how long the hangover will last for the C’s.

The Lakers remained the league’s only unbeaten team, but had to hold off a furious fourth-quarter rally by the Hornets. L.A. led by 21 at the half and still led by the same margin early in the fourth, but New Orleans went on a run that saw them get within 83-80 with 90 seconds left, but Kobe Bryant hit a dagger of a three-pointer as the shot clock expired to give the Lakers a six-point lead and ice the game.

Greg Oden finally got back on the court last night, and managed to make it through an entire game without suffering an injury. He was far from spectacular in 16 minutes of play, but he did score the first points of his career and showed off some of his strength and defensive prowess. The Blazers beat the Heat 104-96 thanks to 25 points from their less-hyped, but more-talented rookie Rudy Fernandez.

(he made the shot, and didn’t break any bones in the process)

I didn’t really get to see any of last night’s MAC battle between Central Michigan and Northern Illinois. Oh, I had it on, it’s just that the fog was so thick I couldn’t actually see what was going on. The fog was actually a blessing for NIU, as we couldn’t see that there were only 43 people in the stands. The Chippewas (that’s CMU) blew a 30-6 lead in the third quarter and ended up needing overtime to beat the Huskies 33-30. CMU moved to 6-0 in the MAC and hosts unbeaten #14 Ball State next Wednesday for the chance to put a fork in the BCS chances of the Cardinals.

• Are you unemployed? If so, I’ve got a deal for you. All you gotta do is send in your resume and you’ll get some free NBA tickets! They’re Nets tickets, though. Oh, you aren’t interested? Rather stay jobless than figure out how to take the bus to the Meadowlands? I hear you.

(Oh, you want to sit here? Get a freaking job, loser!)

In all seriousness, this is actually a pretty good idea. Just send your resume to the Nets, and the team will forward it to 120 sponsors as well a bunch of other companies that have season tickets. And for that, you get four tickets to a crappy basketball game in a crappy half-empty arena that you couldn’t otherwise even afford to attend. How’s that for wake-up call?

• Today’s gratuitous photo comes courtesy of BLAZE OF LOVE, which is enamored with the Portland Blazer Dancers’ new uniforms, now featuring boy shorts. These were clearly Greg Oden’s idea.

• Brian Burke stepped down as the GM of the Anaheim Ducks yesterday, and was replaced by Bob Murray, who becomes like the 38th Murray running a hockey team in some capacity. DUCKS BLOG has the report.

• “He’s our head coach and I look forward to him being the head coach for a long time,” is the quote from Notre Dame AD Jack Swarbrick when asked about Charlie Weis‘ job security on Wednesday (courtesy of the FORT WORTH STAR-TELEGRAM). That’s code for “his ass is toast if we lose to Navy.”

• Bobby Knight isn’t just going to be a studio analyst this year for ESPN — he’s going to be a game analyst as well. Don’t call him a member of the media, though.

• The Orioles wish they had a second word in their team nickname they could get rid of, like Tampa Bay, but they’ll have to settle for new jerseys. Not a radical change, but they’ve gone back to wearing “Baltimore” across their chests on the road, something they got rid of in the ’70s when they weren’t trying to alienate the D.C. market. Now, the O’s say the District can suck it. The BALTIMORE SUN was on hand for the unveiling.

• It’s so cute when Americans try to act like real soccer fans. Apparently the MLS Eastern Conference Final between Columbus and Chicago is so contentious that all Chicago fans are getting a police escort to their seats in Columbus and the two teams’ posses aren’t allowed anywhere near each other. MLS RUMORS lists all of the security policies that will be enacted. They have attack dogs on hand in case of a “pitch invasion.” Good Lord, it’s MLS.

• FANTASY BASEBALL DUGOUT says that Carlos Gonzalez is now a fantasy sleeper for next season as he stands to be an everyday starter in Coors Field. Matt Holliday? Not so much, now that he’s stuck playing in the Mausoleum.  Although, there’s about a 105% chance that Billy Beane is flipping Holliday to the Mets in July for their entire farm system.

• Bernard Hopkins is all over Donovan McNabb yet again. From PHILLY.COM: “Some people are athletes, still good, but don’t have that extra ‘I’m willing to sacrifice my life. I’m willing to sacrifice what I have to sacrifice to win.’”

• MLB.COM confirms that the Angels are done trying to sign Francisco Rodriguez, and are going to turn their attention toward Manny Ramirez. Artie Moreno says he thought they had K-Rod locked up last year, but then Mariano Rivera got his huge contract and screwed up the market for closers.

• Antonio McDyess has been waived by the Nuggets after they acquired him from Detroit in the Allen Iverson deal. And now any team (wink, wink) can sign McDyess. All 30 teams will certainly have an equal chance (cough, cough) of getting him.  No way he’d have any sort of pre-arranged deal to return to the Pistons. At least that’s what the Cavs suddenly seem to believe, according to the CLEVELAND PLAIN-DEALER.

• ESPN’s Chris Low says Lane Kiffin interviewed for the Clemson job recently, making them the 19th team interested in hiring him. Getting fired by Al Davis is the best thing that ever happened to this guy.

• EVERY DAY SHOULD BE SATURDAY suggests that nothing would be more intimidating to Miami Hurricanes foes than playing in a half-demolished Orange Bowl.

• PRO FOOTBALL TALK isn’t so high on Travis Henry right now, as the teamless RB has failed yet another drug test.

• THE WORLD OF ISAAC celebrates Paula Creamer’s round of 60 by teeing up a pleasant pictorial of the good-looking golfer.

• DEADSPIN races up news that Barack Obama may be sponsoring a NASCAR car.

Read more…

• ROTOHOG is set for a thirsty Thursday of their own, as they serve up their version of the NBA Draft Drinking Game.

• Darren Rovell of CNBC smells something rotten about the so-called Tiger Woods apple core for sale on eBay.

• MiLB.COM takes a behind-the-scenes look at video of the ballgirl making such a great leap forward. (Bonus: the article is written by Benny Hill.)

• PRO FOOTBALL TALK discovers that the woman who was recently arrested with Marcus Vick had earlier in the yea sued Dolphins RB Ronnie Brown.

Read more…

If that whole basketball thing doesn’t work out for Steve Nash, at least he has something to fall back on:

SPORTS BIZ reports that Nash’s production company, Meathawk, produced the above clip, a take on the old TV show “The Six Million Dollar Man.” Read more…

• THE LONDON SUN catches David Beckham checking out the great view from his courtside Lakers seats.

• THE BLOWTORCH burns through the NBA rosters to find the worst player on each playoff team. Today’s lucky winner - Joey Graham of the Toronto Raptors.

• THE SPORTING BLOG jiggles their joystick, as Madden 09 will let gamers control their own touchdown celebrations.

• AZ SPORTS HUB comes across a couple of Suns fans expressing their support of Steve Nash by way of Eminem.

Read more…