One of the most jarring aspects of the Stanley Cup finals, other than the ease with which the Red Wings dispatched the Penguins on Sunday night to push the series to 3-2, has been NBC’s hardball with fans in Detroit and Pittsburgh. For the duration of the playoffs, both teams have been able to hold massive viewing parties in and outside their arenas. It was such a wonderful, organic expression of the communal nature of fandom that it was basically destined to be ruined by business in short order.

(Thousands of fans watching the game with each other? Nope, can’t have this!)

And lo, in stepped NBC, stopping the broadcasts. As HOCKEYBUZZ.COM reported, initially, they blamed the NHL, despite the NHL’s assertion that that was quite not the case. Then came the truth, that it was a business decisions (all the crappy ones are), and their “business is ratings driven.” CRAIN’S DETROIT BUSINESS has the, ahem, money quote:

A near-sellout of Joe Louis could shave a ratings point off the local television ratings measurement, and such ratings are used to establish advertising rates.

So to that, if the all-important ratings model can’t deal with 8-10 thousand people watching a show in one place on one screen, you know what? The ratings model is completely worthless.  Seriously. How can NBC or Nielsen not figure out what to do with a giant honking party of some of the most hardcore fans all watching one screen? Is that really a deal-breaker?

And if so, if they’re really curious as to what the ratings would look like if everyone stays home, away from the shared community aspect from which most of the value of a ticket to a game is derived, there’s a really easy answer to all of this. You ready? Dick Ebersol, you taking notes?

All NBC has to do is announce that in exchange for showing the game outside both arenas, attending fans have to fill out a simple, anonymous survey about where they would otherwise watch a game (their place or someone else’s), with how many people, and whatever other information the network needs to most closely approximate what ratings would look like. Use that and Nielsen data to extrapolate what the final ratings would be with that many eyes on a TV, and adjust. That’s it. Easy.

This is a rare, rare opportunity for the NHL and NBC. At no other point are they ever going to be able to get this kind of a free pool of television watchers from whom they can mine valuable demographic information. Forcing them back into their homes and away from a group of thousands of like-minded, passionate fans for the sake of moving a needle one or two points does the city, fanbase, and team a disservice. It’s so easy to work around. Figure it out.

Speaking of soccer [I thought we were talking about hockey. No, I’m dead certain of it.–ed.] [Shut up.–AJ] [You have problems.–ed.], UEFA just got a seismic news flash as Real Madrid, evidently furious at having seen FC Barca take the title, has bought the contract of Kaka from AC Milan. Too bad UEFA contract holder SETANTA SPORTS probably won’t survive to see him in the new kit.

(This is where we mention Kaka’s wife and fine whatever you’re all perverts.)

Kaka, a sensational striker from the one-word-name factory that is Brazil, will reportedly command a 6-year, $94 million contract. That’s enough to make it the most expensive in soccer’s history, barely beating out Zinedine Zidane’s 6-year, $65 million deal with Juventus from eight years ago. Meanwhile, David Beckham is running around for a crappy MLS team in Los Angeles for 30 cents on the dollar and going home to a bag of antlers with oversized sunglasses and the “I’m married, but still vain” haircut straight from Jon & Kate + 8. Sic transit gloria mundi: Glory is fleeting.

We mentioned Andrew Thomas Gallo, the man accused of killing Angels rookie Nick Adenhart and two others in a drunk driving collision, yesterday. Gallo pled not guilty to murder, drunk driving, and fleeing the scene of an accident charges yesterday. Great.

(No, nothing criminal led to this. No way.)

But as we (rightfully) focus on the three people killed far before their time, we should point out that one passenger in Adenhart’s car, 24-year-old Jon Wilhite, has, in fact, survived the crash that left him in critical condition (via the RIVERSIDE PRESS-ENTERPRISE). Wait, that doesn’t appropriately convey the gravity of what happened. He survived internal decapitation.

As MANOLITH explains, internal decapitation, which is exactly as horrifying and life-threatening as it sounds, happens when the skull detaches from the spinal column. It’s usually fatal. Wilhite somehow survived without total paralysis, which is unbelievably rare, and he’s now in rehab with the help of several major leaguers. He’s got a long way to go, but he’s on the right track.

Since we need to get back on a higher note, here are some more links to consider while you’re riding in a cab with former Beach Boy Brian Wilson:

• WELCOME TO LOUD CITY makes the case: Nick Collison needs an afro. You absolutely cannot deny this.

(Yes.)

• Headline win of the day: THE NATION’s How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Lakers. The article’s good too.
• NBC WASHINGTON wants to know, is Laron Landry even still alive?
• Steve Nash will report on the NBA Finals for David Letterman. Hey Steve… you got any gum?
• Thanks to the sports media’s ludicrous east coast bias, GASLAMP BALL is the only site to notice THE ONION’s satirical piece on NL home run leader Adrian Gonzalez’s anonymity doesn’t even have the right picture of him in an article about said east coast bias. Intentional? Maybe. It’s fitting either way.
• This is Dahntay Jones, Chris “Birdman” Andersen, Grant Hill, and Amar’e Stoudemire playing “The Team Mating Game” on JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE. Big ups to BALL DON’T LIE for finding the video, and yes, you are watching this with rapt attention. Don’t lie and say you’re not; yes, you are.

• David Ortiz’s stupid excuse to blame his eyes on his slump didn’t work; they’re fine. Is Rafael Nadal going down the same road with his knees?
• John Daly can’t qualify for the US Open. Well then, how “open” is it, jackbags? FREE JOHN DALY!
• The DALLAS MORNING NEWS says the Texas Rangers will be without the services of 2008 Home Run Derby darling Josh Hamilton for 4-6 weeks following surgery for a partial tear in his abdominal muscles. We really, really don’t recommend getting him on Vicodin.
• The Twins’ Justin Morneau is the polar opposite of a good blogger, says MOUTHPIECE SPORTS.
• And finally, the Oakland Raiders have spent a metric buttload of high-level draft picks on skill players, but is their best move in the return to relevance the signing of 16-year free agent fullback Lorenzo Neal? FANTASYPROS911.COM thinks so.

While Steve Nash and the Phoenix Suns have a lot of free time right now to go and make ’70s cop-show video spoofs, the Cleveland Cavaliers are in the playoffs and making a run at an NBA title. Of course, after seeing the way they’ve manhandled the Detroit Pistons in the first two games, it’s pretty obvious they don’t need to waste too much time practicing right now. Which means they have a lot more time to shoot comical commercial spoofs.

I’m sure you’ve all seen the Heineken commercial where a group of men jump around and scream upon discovering their friend’s new walk-in fridge that’s fully stocked with beer. Well, the Cavs have seen it too, and they decided to have some fun with it for their new playoff commercial.

Read more…

It’s hard at this moment to put into perspective what Martin Brodeur accomplished last night by becoming the NHL’s all-time leader in wins as a goaltender. For one, there’s no such thing as a tie anymore and Marty has had his share of shootout wins over the past few seasons. But it’s clear that this is a big deal, especially since Brodeur — a Montreal native — passed his childhood idol Patrick Roy to get the record.

(Would you know this was one of the 10 best hockey players of all time if you saw him walking down the street?)

But just think how huge the celebration of this record would have been if Brodeur had played his entire career just 5 1/2 miles east of at Madison Square Garden instead of at the afterthought that is the Meadowlands (and if he had led the Blueshirts to three Stanley Cups instead of the Devils. And yes, I know the Devils play in Newark now, but that’s only been a little over a year). As someone who’s lived in New York, I know firsthand that those 5 1/2 miles might as well be 500 miles, considering how little attention is paid to the Devils and Nets in the city.

That’s not a knock on the Devils’ franchise, which has quite clearly been superior to the Rangers for 15 years now, mostly because of Brodeur.  It’s just that he’s never really been a superstar — that guy who’s a must-see along the lines of Gretzky, Lemieux, Roy, Ovechkin, Crosby, and any number of other guys who draws huge crowds wherever they go. And that’s largely because he’s been fairly anonymous despite playing in the largest market in the NHL. He’s never even filled his own building on a regular basis. Heck, you can count the number of Devils sellout crowds on one hand most years. They can’t even pack their barn for playoff games. I bought tickets to a 2003 Stanley Cup Finals game the day before from Ticketmaster.

When Brodeur retires with what will likely be many more wins (100 more? 200?) than Roy, he will have set a bar that may never be topped. But will he be remembered as fondly as the NHL’s other greats? Personally, as a hockey fan, I kind of a agree with this guy:

I think Brodeur is a great technical goaltender who’s been fortunate to be able to play at high level for many years. But he always has had a great defensive team in front of him — something many other great goaltenders like Dominik Hasek and Ed Belfour were not blessed with on a regular basis. But for my money, but Roy is still the best I’ve ever seen.

Do you have WBC fever yet? Do you know it’s even happening? As if we needed further evidence that America’s attention is squarely on college basketball this month, America’s scintillating 9th-inning comeback victory over Puerto Rico last night — which avenged P.R.’s 11-1 mercy-rule win over the U.S. a few days ago and sent the Americans into the semifinals — was seen by an announced crowd of just over 13,000 at Dolphins Stadium in Miami. To put it into perspective, the Korea-Japan game in San Diego drew more than 15,000. To recap: it’s our national pastime, in our country, playing against an American territory with a large population in the Miami area, and we couldn’t outdraw the Korea-Japan game. The U.S. team is now apparently taking this all very seriously, after nearly deciding to drop out of the tournament because too many people were getting hurt. I’m going to put the probability at about 98% that this is the last World Baseball Classic.

As it happened, though, it was a great game. Shane Victorino drew the ire of the Puerto Ricans in the 7th inning when he “accidentally” deflected a ball thrown in from the outfield while he was running the bases, allowing him to take an extra base. If the game wasn’t close, he likely would’ve taken one off his ear flap the next time up. Puerto Rico had a 5-3 lead going into the bottom of the 9th, but the U.S. rallied, culminating in David Wright’s 2-run single that won it, setting off a genuinely boisterous celebration.

The NIT started last night with eight matchups, and “snubbed” teams like San Diego State and Saint Mary’s came through with victories. Stephen Curry did his usual thing, scoring 32 as Davidson won at South Carolina. Meanwhile, only 2,039 people bothered to show up in South Bend to see Notre Dame beat UAB. Kentucky played its first game at Lexington’s Memorial Coliseum since 1976 because Rupp Arena had a scheduling conflict, and the Wildcats downed UNLV in front of a sell-out crowd.

(Steph’s team wouldn’t make an NCAA run this year, so isn’t it better that we might see him take the NIT crown?)

• Should the Astros follow up their signing of Pudge Rodriguez with Pedro Martinez? Some commenters on BASEBALL PROSPECTUS think it’s all crazy enough to work, but BP’s Will Carroll is just shaking his head at Ed Wade (who says the team has had no conversations with Pedro, for what it’s worth).

• Oh, God. Yes, that’s A-Rod making out with himself:

• Morehead State beat Alabama State in the game the NCAA refuses to call the “play-in” game.  Their reward? A beatdown by Louisville on Friday. In fact, the Cards beat Morehead 79-41 earlier this season, so expect the line to be set somewhere around 38 on this one. The tragedy in all of this? No more chances to see Grlenntys Chief Kickingstallionsims, Jr. play.

• According to MLIVE, players for the Lions are no longer permitted to talk to the media unless it’s been cleared with the team’s media relations department first. Because if there’s any organization that has a pristine reputation to uphold, it’s the Detroit Lions.

• Florida State president T.K. Wetherell kinda lost it in a press conference yesterday, so says the ORLANDO SENTINEL. First, he referred to Bobby Bowden’s first school (Samford) as a “dipsh*t school,” then he outlined a hypothetical way that the ‘Noles could beat Florida, which includes a frighteningly well-thought-out fraud scheme involving Tim Tebow and fake schoolwork submitted in his name.

• PASSION AND PRIDE cautions against Phillies fans panicking about Cole Hamels‘ injury. It looks like he has no structural damage to his elbow, but still. 260 innings last year.

• ROYALS REVIEW warns against a cheeseburger shortage in KC, with Billy Butler and Sidney Ponson now both in town (and isn’t Ponson just the perfect Royals guy?)

• Steve Nash is really excited that Vancouver’s going to get an MLS team, as his Twitter feed indicates. With the rate the MLS is expanding, Nash will probably be playing for them after his deal with the Suns expires.  So now the MLS has two Canadian teams. It’s all part of a master plan to start gradually putting MLS teams in other countries. The league clearly believes it’s about time that the rest of the world gets some exposure to soccer.

• Speaking of soccer, it’s time to bid for the 2018 and 2022 World Cups! The frontrunner? Gotta be Qatar.

• The AP reports that two sled dogs died in the Iditarod yesterday. Their hometown? Wasilla. The cause of death is unknown, but it probably has to do with running in the snow in ridiculously freezing weather.

So much for US WEEKLY and the glamo-celebrity gossip mags finding ways into weddings where people don’t want them there. According to the website for the aforementioned weekly dose of celebritant glitz, USMAGAZINE.com, Patriots quarterback Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen — arguably the most beautiful woman in the world — were married yesterday in Santa Monica. And none of the celebrity mags were there to cover it, despite the wedding being held right under their noses.

The ceremony was called a small, private affair in Santa Monica’s St. Monica Catholic Church, where only relatives, including his son (with ex Bridget Moynihan) John Edward Thomas Moynihan, were attendees.

So, what does this mean for the rest of us? Well, it means you get to see pictures of a gorgeous woman here at the top of the Speed Read. And it means that we can all finally put this ridiculous, inevitable Brady-Bundchen marriage behind us and forget the constant media subterfuge both Brady and Bundchen have been spreading for months.

Of course, Brady wasn’t the only living Boston sports legend in the news yesterday, even though the other one-name star doesn’t play at Fenway Park anymore. According to a snippy Dodgers press release sent out at 8:30 p.m. last night (Pacific Time, so it was already 11:30 on the East Coast), Manny Ramirez’s agent, Scott Boras, rejected the team’s latest contract offer via written letter.

Naturally, this is no surprise to everyone who’s been keeping tuned to Manny whims and wanes here. Brooks predicted he wouldn’t sign before spring training back in December, and his later prediction that ManRam would start the season without a team is looking a lot more likely by the day.

Now we know: The best way to piss off a team’s owner and GM is to reject their “improved” contract offer via letter, not by phone call, e-mail or signing telegram. Just listen to Dodgers owner Frank McCourt, when asked about negotiating for Ramirez.

“We love Manny Ramirez,” McCourt said, “And we want Manny back, but we feel we are negotiating against ourselves.  When his agent finds those ‘serious offers’ from other clubs, we’ll be happy to re-start the negotiations.”

Perhaps more significant is McCourt’s line that he feels Los Angeles will now start from scratch. What exactly does “start from scratch” mean?  Will the Dodgers call Boras’ bluff and scale back offers to less money for a single year deal? And what will Ramirez do if he’s facing a deal three years short and $5 million lower per year than he was expecting in the offseason? Does anyone really think he’s going to kill himself playing for a deal he feels will “disrespect” his talent?

The answer to both the yes or no questions is probably “no”, with a solid “who knows” when you consider Ramirez’s potential reaction to what he figures is a bad deal. Regardless of how it turns out, Thursday’s developments are bound to be bad news for Dodgers fans. The only question is just how damning it will be for the team’s hopes in 2009 and 2010.

Of course, L.A. fans could have it worse: They could be in Chicago, one of America’s foremost sports towns that happened to lose two living legends in the same day. According to the CHICAGO TRIBUNE, legendary Bulls player and broadcaster Johnny “Red” Kerr died Thursday of a long battle with prostate cancer. Kerr did just about everything in his career, winning an NBA title (with the Syracuse Nationals, the only one that team would ever earn), becoming an All-Star, coaching the Bulls, working in Chicago’s front office and, perhaps most memorably, providing some of the country’s most captivating color commentary.

It’s far too easy to call Kerr Chicago’s basketball answer to Harry Caray, but that’s not fair to either Windy City legend. Yet perhaps it’s fitting that Kerr used the first name Red. He may not have built the Bulls the way Red Auerbach did the Celtics, but he might be almost as important to the franchise.

Yet things got even worse for the Bulls on Thursday, with fellow Chicago basketball legend Norm Van Lier found dead in his home at age 61. There’s no word of what killed the former Bulls guard turned pregame and postgame commentator, but it took his current colleagues at COMCAST SPORTSNET to search him out at his apartment, where he was pronounced dead.

As with Kerr, “Stormin’ Norman” wasn’t a perfect role model for Bulls future, past and present, but his competitiveness was unrivaled. That in itself made him a compelling figure, and his swagger never hurt, either. Just check out the interview below from MOUTHPIECE SPORTS last year, and you start to see why Bulls fans loved him so much.

• Remember Doug Mientkiewicz? He’s still around, and he might be playing on that team that’s so wrapped up in trying to find Manny his money.
• Just when you thought the NFL might bring some fiscal sanity back to professional sports, Redskins owner Daniel Snyder does his best Steinbrenner and blows a ton of cash locking up DeAngelo Hall. Six-years, $54 million? For DeAngelo Hall? Really?
• Since when did Shaquille O’Neal profess interest in soccer? Evidently Steve Nash’s influence is really rubbing off, as we can see in the video below:

• Bob Huggins finally made it back to Cincinnati, but the Bearcats were all too happy to prove that you can’t keep a good team down. In this case, that good team proved to be Cincinnati.
• This Washington win may actually prove to be a pretty decisive Pac-10 matchup, too.
• Wait a minute, the U.S. is missing out on a medal because some dude lost his start number? You have got to be kidding.
• Soccer star Cristiano Ronaldo has a float in his honor at Portugal’s Karneval, and it happens to make light of his manhood by showing him smoking naked woman while a testicle sticks out of his shorts. We wrote all that to clear up the picture below:



• Speaking of soccer, Chelsea players think they can beat the 14-time defending world darts champion … at darts? This ought to be good.
• If he’s just going to stay in Milan, what good is all this U.S. marketing doing for David Beckham? It’s not like the Milanese care about Kevin Garnett.

•  Why are we showing you the picture you see below? Well, for one, Jennifer Metcalfe is mind-blowingly gorgeous, and secondly, she happens to be dating EPL winger Jermaine Pennant again. See, it actually is almost sports related.



• The Cavs lost to the Rockets? In a rout? What the heck is going on in the NBA?

The white, non-European NBA player: Perhaps the rarest of all sports figures, this creature is considered by some to be mythical, by others to be extinct. But the SALT LAKE TRIBUNE did some research and found that they are neither fictional beings nor have they been wiped off the face of the Earth. They just tend to reside in Middle Earth Indianapolis.

After crunching the numbers, the paper found that there are 46 white Americans out of 432 players on current NBA rosters, about 1.5 per team. Which makes sense - anyone who watches the Lakers would could Chris Mihm as half a player.

Read more…

• If Visanthe Shiancoe’s NFL career doesn’t pan out, there’s always the open invitation to join the adult film industry.

• Carmelo Anthony’s favorite kind of record - 33 in the 3rd.

• Vassily Ivanchuk could face a two-year ban for doping - not from the NHL, but from the World Chess Federation.

• Boys & girls playing basketball together? That’s too sinful for our schools!

Read more…

Hey there, readers. Since the economy’s still in a rut, today we’re offering a no-frills version of our SbB Clever Caption Contest.

Here’s Steve Nash & Kobe Bryant during last night’s festivities:

What are these two superstars talking about? Please place your answers in the comments section listed below. Winner to be announced in the end-of-the-day recap.

Good luck & good writing. And you’ll be happy to know our minimal writing in this post has already saved this website millions of dollars.

Suddenly it was 2002 all over again for the Lakers vs. Kings rivalry last night in Sacramento. The Arco Arena crowd was hooting and hollering and the Maloofs were acting like giant cheeseballs, high-fiving, bear-hugging and giving lap dances to anyone within reach. Sacramento temporarily forgot how lousy they are in delivering a 113-101 beatdown of Los Angeles that really wasn’t that close. Wake up the echoes of Vlade and C-Webb, indeed.

What the game came down to was defense, specifically the Lakers’ total lack of it. They were unable to stop the high pick and roll, leaving the Kings with huge lanes to the basket to score or dish for threes. This is not a good sign for the Lakers going into tonight’s game against Steve Nash and the Suns, even if Shaq isn’t playing.

That’s three bad performances in their last four road games against average to awful teams (Indiana, Washington, Sacramento), which should be enough to silence any talk about 70 wins. But before Lakers fans go calling their therapist for a new prescription of Zoloft, they should remember that the team is still 17-3.

Meanwhile in Cleveland, a legendary Cavaliers superstar reached a huge career milestone. Congratulations to Zydrunas Ilgauskas, who had set the franchise record for career rebounds in the team’s 114-94 rout of the Toronto Raptors. And oh yeah, some guy named LeBron James tried to horn in on the Big Z’s big night by setting the team’s career mark for steals and chipping in with 31 points.

Other sports news to read while you consider calling in gay to work today:

• Apparently, about the worst thing you can do in England is tell someone they look like Manchester United star Wayne Rooney. THE SUN reports that drunken slur in a taxi line led to one man’s death while the Rooney lookalike is currently facing manslaughter charges.
• The DETROIT NEWS has word that big-mouth former Michigan QB and mediocre MLB player Rick Leach thinks that former Wolverines coach Lloyd Carr should “support” the guy who replaced him, Rich Rodriguez.
• An Australian politician rues to the HERALD SUN that having soccer players overstay their visas and apply for asylum is one of the risks of hosting the Homeless World Cup.
• The WINSTON-SALEM JOURNAL notes that Ted Turner and TBS have been found guilty of a breach of contract in the sale of the Atlanta Hawks and Thrashers and ordered to pay $316 million in damages. Turner immediately protests that this “was nothing like an episode of Law & Order.”
• Buffalo Sabres goaltender Ryan Miller is cross that a ref swore at him during Monday’s game against Pittsburgh, says the BUFFALO NEWS. Reg Dunlop does not approve.
• A good hint for coaches: don’t tell the press that it’s impossible for your team to win a game against your No. 1 rival, and Real Madrid’s Bernd Schuster said ahead of his team’s game against Barcelona. Not surprisingly, the NEW YORK TIMES reports Schuster’s been sacked. Also, don’t believe any rumors that Stephon Marbury is heading there to be the next coach.
• 20 years later, Billy Ripken talks to CNBC’s Darren Rovell about his infamous baseball card. He still gets recognized “a couple of times a week” because of it - three guesses what people call him. Hint: it rhymes with “duck race.”
• Stephen Curry: he’s streaky, but he’s also really good, as anyone who saw his second-half performance against West Virginia can attest to. The NEW YORK TIMES has all the details.
• The latest name to enter the CC Sabathia Sweepstakes? The San Francisco Giants, who apparently weren’t burnt badly enough by Barry Zito to swear off big money pitchers. But Giants’ GM Brian Sabean tells the SAN JOSE MERCURY NEWS his team is just a “fallback” option if Sabathia doesn’t sign with the Yankees.
• Remember when Texas Tech QB Graham Harrell said there was a “great chance” that Mike Leach wouldn’t be back coaching the Red Raiders next season. Turns out he’s changed his mind, says the AP (via the SEATTLE TIMES).

The latest installment of the Phoenix Suns’ flameout came last night in an embarrassing loss to Dallas. It’s now clear that new coach Terry Porter’s low-post based offense isn’t working out all that wonderfully. And Porter’s personality might also be a source of consternation for the players.

After taking a game off to rest, Shaquille O’Neal dropped a stinkbomb on the Suns in his 26 minutes vs. the Mavs Thursday. So what now for The Big Judas? Why, throw his team under the bus after the game on his Twitter account, of course! Read more…

• The ex-wife of Bruce Pearl puts her alimony money to amusing use.

• LeBron James receives a Madison Square Garden reception fit for a king.

• Brian Urlacher dresses his kid in pink diapers & blue nail polish.

• Giants kicker wants the President to pardon his pot-peddling brother.

Read more…