One of the less visible consequences of the global financial crisis that the political party you hate is solely responsible for is the plight of those teams and athletes whose sponsorships dried up alongside the banks’ profit margins. The US speed skating team, in particular, was hard hit; they were due $300,000 from a Dutch bank (Why are the Netherlands trying to buy our athletes? Are Dutch people commies? DEVELOPING…), but when that bank went belly-up, the speed skaters were in need of a real American hero.

(Tragically, the full suit would prove to be too unwieldy for competitive speed-skating. And the sword would melt the ice and nobody wants that.)

In steps one Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, DFA, and the greatest nation of them all: Colbert Nation. In a how-did-we-not-see-this-coming move, Colbert announced on Monday that his show and its legions of followers would be sponsoring the team for this year’s Olympics, with logo placement on the uniform and everything. Well played, you bespectacled maniac.

Read more…

• OUT IN CENTER FIELD notices Josh Beckett trying to avoid blisters in the crotch area.

• The degradation that some groups are willing to go to so they can climb Michael Jordan’s “cigar” and ride it to brief recognition in a news cycle sinks just a bit lower.

• So a guy in a muumuu stands on a street corner, whipping plastic penises at passersby. Of course Australian rugby is involved.  (There’s video, too.  Thanks, FANHOUSE!)
Read more…

• The GUARDIAN dials up visions of Ana Ivanovic & Maria Sharapova facing off again - in a TV commercial for Sony Ericsson.

• HUGGING HAROLD REYNOLDS loves a parade - especially one honoring the NBA champion Celtics.

• Meanwhile, the BOSTON GLOBE dribbles up a full page ad congratulating the Celts paid for by the Patriots.

• ESPN’s HASHMARKS shoots up news that the Packers took the day off from practice to go play paintball.

Read more…