Speed Read: Derek Fisher Needs a Nickname Now

Dagger Derek? Darned Important Shot Derek?

Derek and the Three-Point Dominoes?

Perhaps the experts should handle the new handle for Derek Fisher now that he’s sunk another huge shot to carry the Lakers into overtime, where they took a formidable 3-1 series lead via a 99-91 triumph in Orlando last night. A three-pointer on an unusual inbounds play (taking it full court instead of using the opportunity to advance the ball on a time out) with just a few clicks left on the clock cinched the need for extra work from Kobe and friends.

Lakers Magic Finals

Neither team shot the ball worth a Mouse’s posterior, allowing the Magic to freefall from a 12-point lead into an overtime where they made one lousy shot from the field. Also not helping: the Vitamin Water that made Dwight Howard’s hands too slippery, causing him to turn the ball over seven times and miss over half of his 14 free throw attempts.

The series continues Sunday (because why rush greatness?) in Orlando, but it’s all over but the Kobe Koronation (™ SPORTSbyBROOKS Industries), barring three straight Creighton-esque repeats of Game 3’s wanton abuse of the three-point stripe.

The NHL, on the other hand, has gone the distance in the Stanley Cup Finals with home ice making the difference thus far. For one more night, they’ll be able to draw attention from the Phoenix Coyotes debacle and one man’s claim that the St. Louis Blues are even worse off than the Coyotes these days.

As always, Pittsburgh has brought the charm and grace it’s known for to the final Final game table:

Bill Guerin of the Pittsburgh Penguins

(That man is Bill Guerin, 87-year-old right wing for the Penguins. The sign is in Pittsburgh. The ridiculously large bird wearing the faux sandwich board probably isn’t a union member.)

On the other hand, the birds that sabotaged the Kansas City Royals last night in Cleveland have clearly organized. The Indians’ Shin-Soo Choo singled in the bottom of the tenth to score Mark DeRosa for a 4-3 win, but any possible throw to the plate to thwart the scoring attempt by DeRosa had to be abandoned when the batted ball bounced off a flock of seagulls in center field and ricocheted away:

First bugs and now nature’s winged rats… the Indians will rain down just about any ol’ plague on its enemies, won’t they? The only natural disaster of Biblical proportions left to terrorize opponents with has to be Dwight Howard’s free throws. (Bricks are the little-known 11th plague for obvious reasons.)

And now an errant hail of bullet points to enjoy while you avoid arrest while holding the police at bay by claiming to have swine flu:

Who’s winning Lord Stanley’s Cup tonight?

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Pens’ Sykora Predicted He Would Score GW Goal

It took three overtimes, but the Pittsburgh Penguins are still alive in the Stanley Cup finals. Thanks to Petr Sykora, the Pens upended the Red Wings 4-3 in Detroit on Monday night, cutting the Wings’ series lead 3 to 2.

Petr Sykora Pittsburgh Penguins

But it’s no big whoop to Petr, who had predicted he would win the game.

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Pitt. Market To Detroit Fans: No Octopus For You!

Detroit Red Wings fans have a long-standing playoff tradition of throwing an octopus out on the ice for good luck. But if a Pittsburgh seafood market has its say, that won’t be happening in their town.

Red Wings Octopus Seinfeld Soup Nazi

The DETROIT FREE PRESS reports that Wholey’s Fish Market - probably the only place in western Pennsylvania that you can scrounge up some squid - will not be selling octopi to any Red Wings fans during the Stanley Cup playoffs.

Owner Dan Wholey says it’s nothing personal, but he would rather give up a sale than betray his hometown hockey squad: Read more…

Blog-A-Roni: Searching For The Next Jennie Finch

• THE ANGRY T pitches their tent at the College Softball World Series, as they search for the next Jennie Finch.

Jennie Finch bikini

As if there could be any other.

• DEADSPIN takes a leap of faith with this old shirtless guy diving on a beer pong table.

• KISSING SUZY KOLBER hails to the Chief, as they believe in Brodie Croyle.

• PART MULE tries to work out how Tiger Woods could be named the fittest American.

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