8:57 PM Just got back from Costco, where I secured six cases of owl jerky, a 40-gallon drum of pine cone liquor, three genetically engineered chickens made entirely of wings, a giant squid with a head of fire and talking snakes for tentacles and a copy of Andre Agassi's autobiography, signed personally!
8:09 PM Got five bucks burning a hole in your pocket and an unhealthy obsession for Monta Ellis? Does Mark Cuban have a deal for YOU!
7:51 PM Michigan State football players *allegedly* weren't the only football players in the country involved in a serious dorm altercation recently.
• REUTERS alerts us that India’s Olympic air weapon competitors are so angry that they could shoot somebody. Fortunately for all involved, they’re angry because they’re out of ammo.
Here is an exclusive sneak peek at the entirety of Bill Self’s pre-game speech to his Kansas Jayhawks before Sunday’s game against plucky Davidson in the Elite Eight:
“This guy! Him! Cover him. See how there’s no one else in frame on this picture? Bad! Cover him. Cover. Him. Don’t be fooled by ball fakes or cuts or even if your man has the ball. Everyone just surround this guy. This one! Here! It doesn’t matter if he changes his jersey number or puts on a fake mustache. Him! Do not leave him alone. Are we clear? Alright. Rock chalk COVER HIM.”
Unfortunately, Bo Self spaced on this part in his pre-game pep talk, allowing Wisconsin’s celebrated Pit of Despair Defense to be thwarted by the chocolate-covered miracle pill known as Stephen Curry in a 73-56 Davidson beatdown. Curry continued to stun opponents with 33 points in this contest. (By way of reference, Wisconsin held Michigan to 34 points on March 14th.)
