This is a rather unique post: it’s a bit of a tear-jerker, but at the same time, it’s gross. It’s really gross. Like, if you’re about to eat or have eaten recently, just go here for a while. We’ll understand. If you’re ready to press on, then… buckle up.
(Here’s the good news.)
Jeff Kerr, the jack man (hush) for Martin Truex Jr.’s car in NASCAR, recently won $10,000 by posting the best individual jack time (I said HUSH) at the pit crew competition for the Sprint Cup Series. Every penny of that $10,000 went not to Kerr, but rather the family of four-year-old Preston Loyd. When you hear why, you might be tempted to pony up a bit as well.
With all of their drivers gathered in Dover for today’s Sprint Cup - which, by the way, Greg Biffle won - NASCAR decided to unveil their brand spanking new updated drug policy. Essentially, it boils down to this: If you’re a driver, you can be testing at any time, any where, any place. Even RIGHT NOW!
(What happens when you don’t test for testosterone.)
According to NASCAR.COM, “The selection would be so random that O’Donnell said a driver could be tested every week in the season, or never after the preseason test is given.”
The effect that performance-enhancing drugs has on drivers is unclear - what are they, going to turn their wheel harder than everyone else? - but what’s most hilarious is the fact that the random testing policy was basically instituted because of the famed excuse of “that’s what everyone else is doing.”
Throughout my life I’ve generally been a law abiding citizen. Okay, so not exactly. What I mean by that is that I’ve broken plenty of laws in my life, but I’ve never been caught, so as far as the police know I’m law abiding. Still, that doesn’t mean that I can’t appreciate the feats of those who have been arrested in their life. Be it for assault, public drunkenness, arson, or any combination of such charges.
So it’s with that in mind that I’d like to introduce all of you to a man named Donald Swisher Jr. You see, Donald is the type of guy who reaches for the stars in every aspect of his life. That’s why after he was arrested once on Sunday while attending the Sprint Cup race in Pocono with his girlfriend, he decided that one time just wasn’t enough.