Golf club attacks are not funny. We repeat: they are not funny. Golf clubs are at the very top of sports’ evolutionary chain of hand-held objects designed to send projectiles a long distance, and that means if they catch hold of a skull instead of a Titleist, bad things are soon to follow. Like 21 months in jail bad.
(For the third time: NOT FUNNY.)
So it’s with that somber approach that we talk about this latest news, in which one Charles Kascinski (no, not him) attacked a 16-year-old with a golf club. Oh, and it happened as the victim and his friends were approaching a police officer, so yes, there’s more to this story.
Golf club attacks seem particularly funny. Maybe it’s that scene in Sideways or the infamous airhorn prank in Jackass, but either way, we blame movies for this perception. But really, we’re talking about a metal club despigned specifically to send a small hard ball hundreds of yards. Those things can do some damage in the wrong pair of hands.
(He has every right to be upset with himself, but hey: at least he wasn’t in Texas.)
One pair of wrong hands happened to belong to Nicholas Shampine of Puyallup, Washington. Shampine and his group of golfers were playing too slowly for the liking of a group that included James Compton. Well, words got said, someone threatened someone, and Shampine unloaded on Compton’s head with his six iron. That would prove to be a sensationally bad idea.