BYU Linebacker Kicked Off Team For DUI Coverup

Getting a DUI and then hiding it from your football coach is universally a terrible idea; it’s not like when the coach finds out, he admires your ingenuity and gives you a helmet sticker. But quick - name the worst I-A school at which to pull such a stunt. If you guessed Baylor, good guess but no. The answer is BYU, because BYU has Mormons, and Mormons are like vampires who feed on your ability to enjoy worldly pleasures. Also, they sleep in coffins.

Shiloah Te'o

(This only looks like a criminal mugshot. Well, aside from the jersey he’s wearing.)

Unfortunately, BYU LB Shiloah Te’o didn’t get that memo, and an August DUI arrest has come back to - metaphorically, we assure you - bite him. Proving the old “the coverup’s always worse than the crime” maxim true once again, head coach Bronco Mendenhall has made Te’o an ex-Cougar.

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