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Hopefully he didn’t impregnate Mrs. Potato Head with that hug.
(Why, after all these years — a photo!)
Where else can you get a good price on condoms, a firearm holster, and fresh vacuum cleaner bags for all the stray (medical, of course) weed in your carpet?
• The New York Mets are out of the playoff picture, thanks to a late-season swoon. This is not a repeat.
• Not Ram tough: Scott Linehan is given the St. Louis toodle-oo.
• Don’t call it a comeback: Shawn Kemp goes AWOL from his Italian b-ball club, blames it on Hurricane Ike.
• Hard to tell which was more painful to watch - Anquan Boldin taking a hit to the helmet, or the Jets’ Titan-ically terrible throwback duds.
• The Brewers’ season-ending run was exciting enough to make you tinkle in your trousers. But make sure you don’t sing “Go Cubs Go!” at Miller Park.
Hurricane Ike caused a lot of damage when it struck on the Gulf coast, costing many people their homes, and for some, even their livelihoods. Still, I don’t think any of us knew the real extent of the damage done by Hurricane Ike until right now.
Former NBA star and three-time Father of the Year Shawn Kemp had recently made plans to return to basketball, and signed a one-year contract with Montegranaro Premiata, a team in Italy. Kemp had been practicing with the team for nine days, and had played in three preseason games before heading back to the States to check on his home in Houston. Now, after seeing the damage, there’s just no way Shawn can return to Italy to play this season.
• The WALTHAM DAILY NEWS TRIBUNE vaults up news of Olympic gymnast Alicia Sacramone receiving a hero’s welcome from the proud citizens of her Massachusetts hometown.
• WITH LEATHER wants Redskins TE Chris Cooley to explain what he was doing at a Backstreet Boys concert.
• CAT CRAVE claws up a nice chat with Panthers RB Stephen Davis.
• YOU BEEN BLINDED knows not many tennis players have their own theme song, but Venus Williams now does, thanks to Wyclef Jean.
• World record-breaker Usain Bolt could have run even faster, but it could have cost the Jamaican sprinter more money down the road.
• If he ran the Rams, Marshall Faulk would balk at Steven Jackson’s ongoing holdout.
• Ocho Cinco no es bueno after suffering a shoulder injury.
• It took him three decades, but one college football fan has finally seen all 119 Division 1-A teams in action in person.
• A 7-year-old named Wrigley Fields will get to throw out the first pitch at Wrigley Field. Now’s a good time for any pregnant Boston baseball fans of Korean descent to christen their child Fenway Park.
Shawn Kemp is best known for fathering seven children out of wedlock before his 30th birthday, but apparently, he also had a second career as an NBA player.
After suffering through weight issues and legal troubles, Kemp, drafted 17th overall by the Sonics in 1989, was out of the league by 2003. He had a failed comeback attempt during the 2005-06 season and had since fallen off the grid. Until now, anyway.
That’s right, Kemp is following in Dante Calabria’s footsteps and going to Italy. Read more…
Shawn Kemp may have been known for his basketball talents, but the former NBA’er was better known for planting his seed far & wide. And Luke Winn of SPORTS ILLUSTRATED checks up on the growth of Kemp’s eldest wild oat sown - Shawn Kemp Jr.
The 17-year-old Kemp is currently a high school junior living in Georgia with his mom. Although the younger Kemp has gotten high marks from scouts, he’s recently struggled during summer camp games. However, scouts still see a lot of potential in Junior, and doctors expect him to grow to 7 feet tall by the time he turns 21.
Despite possessing his dad’s on-court skills, Kemp Jr. hasn’t had much in the way of contact with his famous father. Read more…
• 100% INJURY RATE washes up video of the Texas Rangers turning Shea Stadium into their own personal Slip ‘N Slide.
• It pains LOHUD YANKEES BLOG to reveal that the Yankees have sprained their Wang.
• MIZZOURAH (by way of EDSBS) takes a bite out of comparing Big 12 football squads to potato chips & similar salty snacks.
PARKER’S FUN WILL HAVE TO WAIT FOR A LONGORIA TIME: Poor Tony Parker. First, his bride-to-be Eva Longoria put down a sex ban before their marriage.
And now that the wedding day has come and gone, the NBA Finals MVP will still have to wait to consummate, as his new wife has been banned from birthing by the producers of “Desperate Housewives”.
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The show runners told Eva to hold off on having any buns in the oven, since its too late in the season to write any pregnant storylines for her character.
You know, Shawn Kemp never had this problem.
