Remember the big deal that was made when David Beckham made his return to LA Galaxy, and the fans were mean, then he challenged one to a fight, and the fan said sure, then the fan got out of his seat, and the two so totally almost fought if they’d been 40 feet closer to each other? That sure was intense, right?

(The face of a man without regret. Err, the exact opposite.)

Feh. Piddling. Of no great import, we say! If you really want to enjoy some fan-based misbehavior, you’re going to have to travel to Europe. And not just any old Europe; we’re talking about Eastern Europe, which is like what would happen if our Rust Belt were constantly fighting itself. You thought rural Ohio was an indefensible dump now, imagine what would happen if it also hosted some good, old-fashioned bombing and ethnic cleansing!

But they still love their soccer. And their alcohol, they love that too. And they also really love anarchy. What could go wrong? Video after the break.

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There’s been a lot of debate across the globe about soccer stars defecting from the nation of birth to play for other teams, a plague that’s been particularly prominent among Brazilian players, many of whom now suit up for European powers (Marcos Sena with Spain or Deco and Nani with Portugal). But while the trend had spread far and wide across Europe, it had yet to really have an impact in North America. Well, consider those days officially over, after Chicago teenage stud and Borrusia Dortmund (Germany) defender Neven Subotic officially pledged his international allegiance to Serbia, not the U.S.

(At least the U.S. won’t miss the cornrows. Those are hideous.)

The fact that Subotic chose to play for another nation instead of the U.S. is his own prerogative, and it isn’t even unprecedented. Giuseppe Rossi was born in New Jersey but opted to play for the country of his parents’ birth — defending World Cup champion Italy — rather the the nation he was raised in.

Still, there’s a big difference between Rossi and Subotic. Rossi chose to spurn the U.S. to play with the defending world champions. It’s hard to turn down that opportunity, particularly when you’ve been playing in the Italian professional league and you’re going to be given a real shot at eventually playing on the senior national team. Subotic dumped the U.S. for Serbia.

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30-SOMETHING AND SINGLE? DREAMS STILL DO COME TRUE: MEN’S VOGUE has this lovely photo of stunning 19-year-old tennis player Ana Ivanovic, accompanied by this tidbit about her curious interesting career arrangement:

“At 15, Ivanovic moved to Switzerland (from Serbia) and was sponsored by a businessman, now her manager, on the understanding that she would pay him back out of her prize money. She has long since returned the $500,000, and now lives in Basel (Switzerland).”

The NEW YORK SUN has more on her “manager”, someone named Dan Holzmann. Holzmann claims he previously “made a good living from the vitamin drink Juice Plus” before deciding to invest $500,000 in Ivanovic’s career.

At the time, Holzmann was 32 and Ivanovic was 15 and he had never managed a tennis player.

In the VOGUE piece Ivanovic denies any current love interest - which has us really surprised. We’re sure Holzmann would just love it if she was in a normal relationship with a guy her age. In fact, we’re almost sure he’s probably encouraged it.

Now pardon us while we high-five, man-hug and chest-bump Holzmann (not that we’re implying anything whatsoever other than what has been previously reported).