The Mariners fired John McLaren as manager today, confirming what we’ve known about the team all along.

(What the M’s really need: Less horseplay, more graba$$)

Richie Sexson, Adrian Beltre and the worst starting rotation in baseball had nothing to do with the Mariners 25-47 record - it was all McLaren’s fault.

I wonder if McLaren would’ve been fired if he hadn’t been hired by since-departed Bill Bavasi?

• Cincinnati Bengals LB Keith Rivers won’t blog about Chad Johnson, but will blog about his team’s trip to the go kart track.

• THE SENATOR’S FORUM goes behind the scenes of TV coverage of the College World Series - and get a surprise visit from Erin Andrews.

• GOSSIP ON SPORTS runs down all the athletes that hit, kicked and slammed themselves onto the Forbes Celebrity 100 list.

• DEADSPIN’s Will Leitch sure hopes the Fenway faithful are nice to him.

Read more…

An ice cream vendor allegedly punched a 13-year-old kid and then bit another person to grab a Ken Griffey, Jr. grand slam ball in 1991. It was Griffey’s first grand slam in the Kingdome, and the second of his career.

That vendor, now 44-year-old David Nyakas, hopes that same ball can somehow knock his life out of the gutter. Read more…

Apparently John McLaren didn’t get the memo:

Seattle outfielder Ichiro Suzuki doesn’t speak English — he routinely uses a translator when dealing with the media.

But that impairment has never stopped him from delivering dynamite quotes to whomever was listening, and after his team was blown out by the Yankees, he came up with another slice of insight last night. Read more…

Gisele’s not in Maxim’s Hot 100? Looks like it’s time for Tom to trade her in.

• It’s in the hole! It’s in the hole! A Cinderella story - caught on tape!

• Why must the children pay for the sins of the mother - especially when it comes to Little League concessions?

• The Baltimore Ravens cheerleaders flock down to the Dominican Republic for their bikini calendar shoot.

• The T-Wolves’ Fred Hoiberg will be bringing along a special stuffed friend to make the NBA Lottery a little more bearable.

• Does Mike Tyson really want a Slice of Kimbo?

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Aww, baby… you know Willie Bloomquist didn’t mean nothin’ by it. He’s jus’ a man playing utility infielder for the Seattle Mariners, girl; you know he can’t control himself sometimes. He jus’ sees a pretty clam all up in his face and he gets sprung, y’know? He’s jus’ a utility infielder, baby! We ain’t sayin’ he’s a clam digger, girl; we just know he ain’t learnin’ how to hit a breakin’ ball.

So… uhm… do you think you could get him out of that ticket for digging up too many razor clams in Twin Harbors? ‘Cause, uhm, that would be cool. No? Okay. He’ll cough up the $50 fine.

Read more…

You could say that Mariners slugger Richie Sexson is wrapping up a bad week. The first baseman’s team has lost nine of their last 10 games. He missed a game Wednesday night after an undisclosed family emergency kept him away from the team. On Thursday, he charged the mound on a pitch that arguably wasn’t even inside.

Yesterday, Sexson’s punishment was announced, and it was pretty harsh. Read more…

Via USS MARINER, we discover that Ichiro Suzuki’s brain has been studied by a Japanese celebrity brain scientist for the salaryman version of “Inside the Actor’s Studio”, wherein a fawning expert in the field of brainery determines how successful people got that way. Ichiro’s secret? Obsessive-compulsive disorder, dime store philosophy, and active disassociation from reality.

Of course, the show (roughly translated as “Secrets of the Ultimate Professional”) didn’t phrase it quite that way. They were more, let’s say, pretentious and sycophantic. (Told you it was just like “Inside the Actor’s Studio” but for Japanese business!)