Top Link Of The Day: NHL Suspensions Flowchart

Confused about the seemingly capricious nature of suspensions in the NHL? Thinking justice is subject to the whims and vagaries of Gary Bettman’s drug-addled* conscience? The Maple Leafs-centric DOWN GOES BROWN disagrees, and has put together a foolproof flowchart that explains all the NHL’s disciplinary decisions. It’s funny but frighteningly accurate, one of those “hahaha–hey wait, this is all fitting together a little too well…” things.

Truncated Flowchart

We’d post the whole version here, but it’s too large for our format and really must be experienced in all its glory at the original site here. Also, as a bonus, there’s a playoff version. That’s small enough for our format, so it’s after the break.

Read more…

Week In Review: Michael Irvin, King of Strip Clubs

• Say what you will about Michael Irvin, but he sure knows how to help people have a good time at gentlemen’s clubs.

Michael Irvin

• Tennis commentator Michael Stich comments that the female competitors at Wimbledon are only there to “sell sex“. Why would he think such a scandalous thought?

• Former WWF wrestler Brian Blair shows what Father’s Day means to him by beating up his two sons.

Sean Avery gets a taste of his own sloppy seconds, in the form of Jets QB Mark Sanchez’s supposed girlfriend Hilary Rhoda.

• Popular Iowa high school football coach Ed Thomas is shot & killed by a former player - a former player who should have been in police custody at the time.

Read more…

Michael Irvin: Generous Guy @ Gentlemen’s Clubs

• Our own Pete Gaines reminisces about the time he & his buddies ended up cavorting at a Chicago strip club with Michael Irvin.

Michael Irvin live nude girls

• The Red Wings have released Chris Chelios, but that doesn’t mean the 47-year-old is ready to hang up his skates just yet.

Sean Avery supposedly gets his own serving of sloppy seconds in the form of Mark Sanchez’s supermodel girlfriend Hilary Rhoda.

• Egypt’s soccer team denies being robbed by hookers, blames the media for distracting them to defeat.

Brock Lesnar thanks God, not steroids, that he’s “built like a black man”, yet doesn’t care too much for President Obama.

Read more…

Sean Avery Discovers The Joy Of Sloppy Seconds

New York Ranger Sean Avery is generally known for being an annoying bastard, both on and off the ice. Whether he’s punching goalies in the head, going off on the opposing team’s fans, or talking about former girlfriends, Avery always seems to be in the middle of some controversy. You probably remember when Avery was suspended by the NHL last year for referring to ex-girlfriend and current flame of the Calgary Flames Dion Phaneuf, Elisha Cuthbert, as his “sloppy seconds”.

Sean Avery Hilary Rhoda

Well, as time passes and people grow, they can change.  Looking at somebody with Avery’s history it’s somewhat hard to believe he’s capable of changing, but he is.  Where as he used to be clearly opposed to the idea of sloppy seconds, now it seems he’s warming up to them. Though New York Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez isn’t likely to be thrilled by this news.

Read more…

Your Bonnaroo Correspondent Is, Um, Sean Avery

Hey brah! We’re at Bonnaroo! Sick lineup, man. Siiiiick. It’s so awesome to sit in lava-hot sunshine with 73,000% humidity and enough drugs to fly to Mars. WILCOOOOOOOO!!

Sean Avery
(Yep, he’s dressed perfectly for the festival.)

Wait a second, homeskizzle. Who’s that I see over there? Maybe it’s the drugs talking, but I think I see… Amelia Earhart! Ha ha, no way man! Wait a second, that probably is the drugs, because she’s riding an horned ostrich made of fire. I’m so high. But wait, who’s that then? Broheimer, I think I see Sean Avery. And it’s not the drugs talking! What the hell is Sean Avery doing at Bonnaroo? Read more…

Rihanna On The Rebound With Andrew Bynum?

• Singer Rihanna was seen sharing a Friday night meal in Beverly Hills with the Lakers’ Andrew Bynum.

Rihanna Andrew Bynum Playboy Bunny

Ray Allen saves the Celtics from an embarrassing 2-0 hole vs. the Bulls.

• The Nationals fine Elijah Dukes for running late due to a charity event? No problem - the Little League will take care of that bill, dog.

• Florida high school pitching phenom Patrick Schuster does it again, hurling his 4th straight no-hitter.

• The Orlando Magic can’t escape hecklers even from just outside their own locker room.

Read more…

Sean Avery Greets Caps Goalie with Punch to Face

Some things in sports never change - like Sean Avery’s penchant for taking swings at opposing goalies. Earlier this month, the naughty New York Ranger was caught clocking Boston Bruins netminder Tim Thomas in the back of the head with his stick.

Sean Avery punches Caps goalie Simeon Varlamov

And now with the NHL playoffs in full force, you might think Avery might soften his act a bit, so as not to distract from his team’s goal of Stanley Cup glory. And you would be very wrong. (Video after the jump.)

Read more…

Back To Old Tricks, Avery Clocks Goalie’s Head

It was only a matter of time until Rangers enforcer/resident bad guy Sean Avery re-asserted himself as a resident enforcer/bad guy. Now we know that the gestation period for Avery to get back to his old tricks was one month, with the instigator clocking Boston goalie Tim Thomas on the head after a stoppage of play 31 days after re-joining the Rangers.

sean avery video shot rangers

It was a pretty lowball move, particularly since he pulled it off in classic Sean Avery style; by being overtly brash and then pretending he didn’t do anything at all. Naturally, because he chose to attack Thomas, one of the more fiery goalies in the league, he didn’t get away with it. Not only did Avery get a full recompense from Thomas, he earned himself a penalty in the process, which is standard operating procedure for his gimmicks.

Read more…

Speed Read: What’s Going On With A-Rod’s Hip?

So, here’s what we know: Alex Rodriguez is hurt. Beyond that, we know nothing. From what I hear, he could be out for anywhere from an hour to seven years. What’s really going on is so elusive that A-Rod’s brother was being used as the definitive source on his injury for the first half of Thursday. One SAN FRANCISCO CHRONICLE writer is saying that the “mystery” surrounding the injury is reminiscent of Barry Bonds‘ knee troubles in 2005.

Alex Rodriguez

Now, instead of surgery that would keep him out for 10 weeks (which was the brother’s story), Brian Cashman is saying that the Yankees are planning on taking a “conservative approach” to the injury, which involves a bunch of rest and rehab with the hopes that surgery won’t be necessary. But how long do you go with that? Cashman admitted that the surgery would probably keep A-Rod out for four months. But if they try this rehab thing for another few weeks, then are stuck with the surgery, suddenly he’s looking at no earlier than mid-to-late August for a return. But, as we all know, if A-Rod’s going to miss four months, it’s much better for all involved that it’s the last four.

NEWSDAY even says that the surgery A-Rod would likely undergo isn’t guaranteed to work:

Dr. Louis Romeo, director of the Joint Replacement Center at Stony Brook University Medical Center, said the surgery to treat an ailment of A-Rod’s type - probably a procedure called a hip arthroscopy - is not the most predictable procedure.

“It’s controversial because the results are not as predictable as you’d like them to be,” said Romeo, who is not involved in the Yankees third baseman’s treatment. “A knee replacement or a hip replacement, you can give someone a 90 percent success rate. Hip arthroscopy, depending on the underlying pathology, may not have as high a success rate.”

A-Rod guitar

(Yeah, I suppose you could go the Bernie Williams route, Alex)

The NCAA tournament bubble is much larger than usual (I mean, Northwestern is now in play, for crap’s sake), which makes every night crucial in college hoops. Last night, Providence took a hit by losing big at Villanova, and Arizona took a big step backward by losing to California at home (the Bears, meanwhile, probably have moved to “lock” status). Tennessee also solidified a likely bid by locking up the SEC East at South Carolina, which suddenly looks vulnerable.

Bruce Pearl Hotties

(I’m taking advantage of any excuse to run these pictures of Bruce Pearl)

Sean Avery made his return to ice last night in the Rangers’ win over the Islanders. Fortunately, Mike Comrie was recently traded away from the Islanders so Avery didn’t have a chance to get it any Hilary Duff-related blasts. Avery was actually well-behaved, and it seems as if he may be content to fly under the radar for the rest of the year. Mostly, Avery’s just glad to be back in New York so he can go to the Project Runway finale.

Sean Avery

Ichiro is apparently depressed about the 0-for-16 slump he’s in right now, and uttered this classic line in a REUTERS story about it:

“It’s depressing,” Suzuki told Japanese media on Friday. “After the game I got picked for a doping test — things are going from bad to worse.”

• Now that A-Rod may be out for a while, the Yankees need to find someone to play third base in the interim. Cody Ransom? Angel Berroa? The NEW YORK POST thinks the team might want to consider some outside options. Like Aaron Boone, apparently.

• FANIQ has the pictures from Anna Kournikova’s latest advertising shoot for K-Swiss. Didn’t she used to play a sport? Badminton or something?

Anna Kournikova

• Fuzzy math time! A lawmaker in North Carolina wants to completely ban athletics at schools where more than half of the students score below the 50th percentile on end-of-year tests for two straight years. But, don’t half the students by definition score below the 50th percentile? Isn’t that what “50th percentile” means? And don’t athletes already have minimum standards for playing?

• A dad at the Iowa state 5th-grade girl’s basketball tournament set some sort of record when he got tossed from a game by the ref just 30 seconds into the game, according to the DES MOINES REGISTER. And yes, I have the same question you do: there’s a state tournament for 5th grade girls?

• Remember last year, when Drake was one of the best stories in college basketball and ended up with a 5 seed, but then was heartbroken on a buzzer beater by Western Kentucky? Yeah, they never quite got over that. They lost to Indiana State in the first round of the MVC tournament last night and are likely not headed to the postseason.

• Some good news from COLONIAL HOOPS: It looks like one of the greatest names in the NBA, Pops Mensah-Bonsu, is going to sign with Toronto for the rest of the year. Pops just wrapped up a 10-day contract with the Spurs, after playing for their D-league team most of the year.

• The NBA shot of the night comes from the Nuggets’ J.R. Smith, who nailed a (nearly) half-court shot at the end of the first half against Portland. Unfortunately, it was all a big hoax perpetrated by one of his friends.

• Need more proof that we’re in a recession? The MILWAUKEE JOURNAL-SENTINEL says Miller Park is implementing a $1 menu at their concession stands. You’re only going to get one peanut, but hey, it’s something.

• The University of Alabama has admitted to a number of NCAA violations…regarding the distribution of textbooks. So, athletes get too many textbooks and that’s a problem? Shouldn’t we be thrilled they’re bothering to get any? CBS SPORTSLINE has the horrifying details. Certainly, ‘Bama deserves the death penalty for this.

How much of the regular season is A-Rod going to miss with his hip injury?

View Results

Speed Read: Is Big Ben Lying About Broken Ribs?

So, what’s the deal with Ben Roethlisberger? We all know now that he told Peter King that he played in the Super Bowl with two broken ribs, but it wasn’t anywhere to be found on the official injury report in the lead up to the game, and there hasn’t been any independent confirmation that this is true. Would Big Ben lie about broken ribs just to seem like a bigger man? ESPN.COM notes that he has “previously exaggerated or misstated injuries he supposedly suffered during his five-season career.”

Ben Roethlisberger

PRO FOOTBALL TALK seems to have the biggest problem with all of this because, if it’s true that he had bad ribs and had in fact had an x-ray prior to the Super Bowl, it should have been on the injury report because NFL rules require teams to disclose injuries (for gamblers, of course). All Ben admitted to was having an x-ray “somewhere”, and Mike Tomlin said he “hadn’t heard” anything about an x-ray. This all was probably concocted to keep the Cardinals from going right after his ribs and forcing Byron Leftwich into the game. But the point of the injury disclosure rules are to identify which players are injured. If the Steelers deliberately misled the media and the league about Roethlisberger’s injury — even if he 100% intended to play in the game — doesn’t that break league rules?

PFT’s Mike Florio has a lot to say about the matter, and here’s a summary:

The reality, however, is that the individual teams are more concerned about competitive advantage or, more importantly, disadvantage.  If, as it appears, the Steelers took pains to conceal the fact that Roethlisberger received an X-ray on his ribs and that, as Roethsliberger said, “I knew all along there was something wrong,” they did so in order to prevent the Cardinals from targeting his midsection early and often, in the hopes of knocking him out of the game.

It appears, then, that the NFL is striking the delicate balance between the integrity of the game and notions of competitive disadvantage by making the injury report an issue of availability only, not of effectiveness and/or potential for aggravation.

Thus, there’s a loophole in the injury report.  A player can be injured, and his team can avoid reporting it.

And, consequently, there’s an incentive for folks inclined to place and/or accept wagers, legal or otherwise, to attempt to develop relationships aimed at getting to the truth.

The way the Steelers are reacting to this news, it’s hard to figure out if they’re trying to avoid embarrassing their QB by not calling him a liar or if they really were covering up a possibly serious injury. It begs the question, though: if the public knew that Big Ben had fractured ribs, what would the line have been? Might it have been less than, say, four? The decision to keep it under wraps may have cost Steeler bettors a bunch of cash.

Ben Roethlisberger Lombardi Trophy

In Indiana, the Pacers stunned the Cavs 96-95 in one of the more bizarre endings you’ll see. It was so contentious that it caused Cleveland coach Mike Brown to say this afterward:

“I went back and I watched the last two plays and that last call on LeBron was the worst call I’ve ever been a part of… We didn’t play particularly well. But that was a bad call that was predetermined that determined the outcome of the game. Simple as that. They can fine me for this crap. I don’t care. That was the worst call I’ve ever been part of. I’m talking from little league on up.”

Mike Brown

The call? LeBron James was called for a phantom foul on an alley-oop pass to Danny Granger with 0.1 seconds remaining in a tie game. Granger made a free throw and the Pacers won the game. But with 0.8 remaining and the Cavs trailing by two, Granger was called for a nearly identical foul on James that enraged the Pacers and the Conseco Fieldhouse crowd. Brown implied that referee Joey Crawford deliberately called the foul on James to compensate for what he felt to be a bad call by Bernie Adams on the other end.  Here’s the video:

Antonio Margarito isn’t going to be fighting Shane Mosley again anytime soon. In fact, he isn’t going to be fighting anyone anytime soon as he’s been banned for a year by the California State Athletic Commission for using illegal hand wraps in his fight with Mosley last month.

• The final round of World Cup qualifying starts tonight, and the U.S. is attempting to resume its recent dominance of Mexico on American soil. Luckily, tonight’s game is in Ohio, so only about half the crowd should be rooting for Mexico, as opposed to the 99.7% if the game were played in California.

• Another brutal hockey attack has made its way to the internet. PUCK DADDY has this video of Oshawa Generals captain and Florida Panthers prospect James Delory slashing and attacking Nathan Moon of Kingston. Although, it should be noted that Moon gave Delory a shot first:

• Remember that Bud Light ad from the Super Bowl where a guy is thrown out of the window of a conference room because he suggests that his office give up drinking Bud Light during the work day? Well, it turns out that the creative director of the agency that created the ad actually did jump out of a window and kill himself last year, according to BNET. So maybe that wasn’t very funny after all.

Sean Avery is now one step closer to starting a sloppy second stint with the Rangers. He’s joined the Rangers’ AHL affiliate in Hartford, but still remains under contract with the Stars.

• Hey, remember how everybody ridiculed Jose Canseco for saying that he introduced A-Rod to a steroids dealer? Uh, oops. Now Jose is saying he wants to help MLB move beyond the steroids era. And, oddly, he might actually be one of the only people who can make it happen.

• Does Danica Patrick still race cars, or does she just do this for a living now?:

Danica Patrick

• Oklahoma State basketball coach Travis Ford is sorry that he called one of his players a f***ing idiot on Saturday, says the AP.  Ford might want to consult Cowboy football coach Mike Gundy about how to deal with any lingering criticism.

• GRANEY & THE PIG (whoever they are) would like everyone to boycott Kellogg’s for dropping Michael Phelps. Yeah, I’m sure a stoner boycott of cereal will go really well.

• BASEBALL PROSPECTUS has come up with its projections for the 2009 season. Oddly, the Pirates are not projected to do well. Even more oddly, the Yankees are not picked to win the AL East.

• Thankfully, all in the cricket world is well after India battered Sri Lanka by three wickets in Colombo. The hosts posted a formidable 171/4 after Tillakaratne Dilshan put up 61 runs on just 47 balls. But the partnership of Yusuf and Irfan Pathan rescued India with 59 late runs, after the visitors had limped to 115/7 and looked to be a little on the ropes. I have no idea what I just wrote.

Do you think Ben Roethlisberger is lying about playing with broken ribs in the Super Bowl?

View Results