• DEADSPIN discovers the welcome wagon derailed, as someone doesn’t want ex-NBAer Aaron McKie moving into their posh Pennsylvania town.

• Jorge Sedano of 790 THE TICKET believes Brett Favre’s retirement ruckus has all been just a big scam on the QB’s part.

• 100& INJURY RATE thinks it’s fabulous how newest Dallas Star Sean Avery responds to allegations that he’s gay - by telling a female fashion photographer that he’s “going home to jerk off to you now.”

• Baron Davis is glad to be “bizzack” in L.A., but will still miss the Bay.

Read more…

Sean Avery will no longer be tossed out of New York nightspots or intern at Manhattan magazines, as the fighting forward is headed to Texas.

The CBC reports that the Dallas Stars have signed Avery to a 4-year, $16 million dollar deal. So, what will the Stars be getting for their money?

Read more…

• DEADSPIN needs a drink, as the alcohol content of the $8.50 beers at San Diego Padres games is only 3.2 percent!!!!

No wonder PETCO PARK visitors are able to stay up all night.

• THE SLANCH REPORT via WITH LEATHER serves up Reds pitcher Bronson Arroyo singing the praises of big meat. It’s the finest union of Cincinnati sports & food products since Carson Palmer went long…er!

• AND WHAMMY has footage of LeBron James creating, as the announcers call it, “an earthquake in Cleveland, Ohio!” Wonder if Trenni Kusnierek felt that one, too.

• SI’s Richard Deitsch looks back on the many words of wisdom Isiah Thomas shared with the world during his Knicks tenure.

Read more…

• Fowl play: The Pittsburgh Pirates’ parrot makes the most of his TV time.

• Meanwhile, JOE SPORTS FAN catches the Chicago Cubs with some animals of their own at Wrigley.

• The biggest thrill of winning The Masters - Is it the prestige? The money? The green jackets? No, it’s reading David Letterman’s Top Ten List.

• Football fans, get ready to find out who & when your teams plays, as the NFL will release its 2008 schedule at 2 p.m. Eastern today.

Read more…

Damn, just when the NHL had a chance to get back in the public eye, NEWSDAY has to go and screw things up.

Saturday the NEW YORK DAILY NEWS reported that “Rangers hockey star Sean Avery’s name and private cell phone number are in the little black book of Manhattan madam Kristin Davis.” Read more…

• SPORTS IN YOUR FACE is flummoxed as to how the Spurs can only score 5 points in the 1st quarter, yet still win Monday night.

Answer: It’s easy when you’re playing against the Hawks.

• The TUCSON CITIZEN grounds out news that Ozzie Guillen would appreciate it if some of the bigger names in Arizona spring training would be bothered to take the 90 minute trip from Phoenix to Tucson.

• PRO FOOTBALL TALK notes that when it comes to Bryant McKinnie’s recent meltdown in Miami, Vikings coach Brad Childress doesn’t want to rock the boat.

Read more…

NY RANGERS’ AVERY ANGRY OVER BUDDHA BAR BOUNCING: Even while on the injured list, New York Rangers ruffian Sean Avery still remains his personable, polite self:

The NEW YORK DAILY NEWS spotted the blue-tongued bully and his fellow Blueshirts out celebrating at the Bungalow 8 bar Saturday night after vetoing the Ottawa Senators.

Avery “showed up with a sling on one hand and black nail polish on the other.” He must have gotten into a pre-night fight with his manicurist.

But the Bungalow wasn’t the guys’ first choice for fun. Beforehand, the crew were banned by the bouncer from busting into the Buddha Bar. Avery took the rejection in stride, yellining, “F— this place! We’re never coming here again!”

The Buddha bouncer reportedly told the teammates that he didn’t know or care who they were. Such as it is when your league is broadcast on Versus.

AVERY DENIES MAKING FUN OF PLAYER BATTLING CANCER: Hockey tough guy and