I inherently don’t trust people like Jim Cramer, who get on TV and tell you what stocks to buy and which to sell. If they know so much about Wall Street, why do they need to scream their opinions at me every night for a paycheck. Shouldn’t they be living out in the Caribbean somewhere, living off of the interest of their earning while the rest of us plebeians scrounge for our table scraps?

But I’d trust Cramer and his kind in a heartbeat with my savings before I’d let Scottie Pippen anywhere near my lunch money - the man is a walking recession, and in more need of a bailout than the auto and banking industries combined.

Read more…

During the Chicago Bulls’ incredible title run in the 1990s, Michael Jordan was hardly the only great player on the team. Aside from fellow future Hall of Famer Scottie Pippen, the Bulls had such standouts as B.J. Armstrong, Toni Kukoc, and Dennis Rodman. Heck, even Luc Longley was an All-Star.

On that list of fine supporters, however, you’d have to scan pretty far down to find Jason Caffey, who won two titles with Chicago before bouncing around the NBA for another decade or so. Perhaps he’d have been better if he wasn’t, oh, banging anything with two legs and/or a heartbeat. Caffey, who apparently loved women as much as he hated birth control, was just denied bankruptcy by an Alabama judge, opening the door for lawsuits to settle child support for–oh lord, seriously?–ten kids from eight women. Quoth the CHICAGO TRIBUNE: Read more…

• BUSTED COVERAGE informs us that Ashley Russell, previously known as the ravishing reporter for Rivals.com, has found a network TV job.

Sure, it’s just the Big Ten Network, but everyone has to start somewhere.

• WITH LEATHER breaks down Billy Wagner breaking down at a press conference, as the Mets pitcher is asked about possible retirement.

• LARRY BROWN SPORTS realizes that Georgia RB Knowshon Moreno likes to get high during games - with big leaps over would-be tacklers.

• With Tom Brady on the shelf, FOOD COURT LUNCH suggests the Patriots give Drew Bledsoe a call - before he calls them.

Read more…

When we recently read that Scottie Pippen wanted to coach the Chicago Bulls, we were skeptical. Now we’re very dubious about his demand, considering his assessment of the team in the CHICAGO TRIBUNE today.

On Tyrus Thomas: “He dribbles better with his left hand than his right. He must have broken his arm when he was a kid. He shouldn’t be dribbling. He should be a fetcher. He’s athletic, but he doesn’t know how to play the game. He’s great from the neck down. What can he do? Have him do that.”

On Kirk Hinrich: “You can’t have midgets running your backcourt.”

On Andre Nocioni: “He’s turning into Rasheed Wallace with the kinds of things he does on floor. It makes the officials turn on the whole team.”

Should we go on? Safe to say that Pippen must have absolutely no actual interest in the coaching job, considering he justed torched any potential relationships he would’ve had with the players he’d be coaching.

After giving Scott Skiles the heave-ho, the Chicago Bulls will be looking for a new full-time coach. And Scottie Pippen thinks he’s the right man for the job.

The CHICAGO TRIBUNE catches up with the former Michael Jordan running buddy, and hears his aspirations for a head coaching gig.

Pippen scoffs at claims that he lacks experience to be a head coach, saying, “It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to do what you’ve done your whole life. I’ve played basketball, run teams and won.”

Read more…