Toddlers Getting Tested For Special Sports Genes

It’s finally happened: Science is now officially helping parents — and professional sports organizations — target more athletic children, and choosing which sport to steer them to when they’re still very, very young. In fact, if you’re kid is more than eight years old, well, they’ve missed their shot at athletic specialization. So sorry.

soccer kiddos

(Should you tell the kids they’re ping pong players, or should I?)

According to a report from the website for WANE TV in Fort Wayne, Indiana, a company in Boulder, Colo. is offering a $149 test for a gene they say can predict which sports a child will be more inclined to succeed at. By targeting a specific sport, Atlas Sports Genetics claims that a young athlete is more likely to maximize his or her potential and actually make the quantum leap so few do into the collegiate and, potentially, professional realm. That last line alone almost surely has professional soccer franchises lining up their testing kits for the next trip to Brazil and Argentina.

If this all sounds like it’s weird science, well, it is. Atlas and other companies which will surely pop up are testing for the gene ACTN3, a gene on the 11th chromosome which, allegedly, can determine whether a person would be best at speed and power sports, endurance sports, or some combination in between the two extremes.

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Screw Gatorade: Chocolate Milk’s Best for Athletes

The plague that continues to grip our nation, leaving our greatest athletes broken and beaten in its wake, has left its trademark calcium-based scar across the upper-lips of two more sports stars: Ana Ivanovic and Dwight Howard are your newest milk-mustachioed athletes.

Ana Ivanovic Got Milk

But wait, this isn’t your daddy’s boring old regular white milk. No, sirs and madams, this campaign is for the very special and tasty “chocolate milk” that can be used to help refuel and rehydrate after exercise, “making it an ideal post-exercise choice”.

Wait, what?

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