SbB@3: Now Is The Winter Of Our Discount-ent!

You, sir! Yes you, the poor schlub with $13.26 to his name, pointing to himself and mouthing the word “me?” to me! You may be a fat destitute, loser - we’re just assuming the fat part, but this is America, so that guess is pretty solid - but you can still watch the most exciting sports in the world!

SbB's (Blocked) View From The Week's Cheap(est) Seats

Yes, it’s time once again for our weekly feature on the best deals in all of sports. ALL OF SPORTS, people! It’s winter now, and that means it’s time to head indoors to watch our sports, where they’re… played on ice. People! We’re supposed to be trying to get out of the cold, not play our sports on them! Luckily, the abject disgust Americans have for the frozen pond means the savings get passed on to you!

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SbB@3: More Cheap Seats For Your Cheap Dates

Howdy, folks. It’s been a week since we last brought you the cheapest seats on STUBHUB.COM that we could find, and rest assured that we haven’t rested in our search to bring you live event entertainment. Because why sit at home with your family/pets/silverware when you can actually go to a game, get slaughtered on concession prices, and then sit in traffic for 3 hours on the way home? Exactly, it’s a no-brainer; you go to the game.

SbB's (Blocked) View From The Week's Cheap(est) Seats

First off, let’s honor one of the great traditions in all of sport: homecoming! No, not the high school homecoming, where the oldest you can come back for the game without being kind of creepy and pervy is 19. We’re talking about college homecoming, where all the students are legal, and if you’re going to come home for a game, why not do it in the exciting, picturesque (we’re assuming) Mid-American Conference?

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SbB@3: Terrible Seats For A Terribler Economy

You! Yes, you, with the comically small amount of money! Would you like to attend an actual “sporting event” with “nationally recognized teams” and the possibility of seeing a “professional sports superstar”? Fret not! SbB@3 will put you in the cheapest seats imaginable, so you can have the privilege of squinting at millionaires who gave up on their season… often before it even began!

SbB's (Blocked) View From The Week's Cheap(est) Seats

Our first special sporting event comes from sunny Los Angeles, the city where even the ugly people are beautiful. There resides sporting’s pre-eminent international man of intrigue, David Beckham. What would you pay to watch the superstar reinvent the sport of soccer for this great country? $500? $1,000? $55,000? Nay, nay, and nay!

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SbB@3: Let He Who Is Without Sin Throw 3 TDs

Some Web sites offer you “insider” information on which teams to put money on during the week’s big football games. But only Sports by Brooks has the ultimate insider: Jesus Christ. That’s right, each week Our Lord and Savior will descend from Heaven to offer His insight into the week’s top games. And with over 60 percent of all college and NFL players attributing their success to Him, no one is more qualified to pick winners.

jesus christ, sports handicapper

I know a lot of people wrote into me (bigbettinjc@godmail.com) to give me grief for going 2-3 last weekend. To the people who doubt my wisdom, I can just say that this is a journey and not a short trip. Or as Proverbs 19:11 says, “A man’s wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense.” So instead of asking how your picks did, we’ll just use our knowledge gleaned from last week’s games to make better picks.

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SbB@3: A Brief Lecture On The Day’s Headlines

Welcome to our new weekly feature, Fireside Chats with FauxPa. As you can see, FauxPa bears a striking resemblance to a certain college football coach from a team with the word “State” in their name. We assure you that this is all completely coincidental.

Fireside with FauxPa - SbB@3 Exclusive Weekly Feature!

Oh, hello. I didn’t see you there, on account of my eyeglasses have not been changed in the last 40 years. I don’t know what’s up and what’s down anymore. I tell ya. Secretary! Secretary, if you’re there, and don’t bother saying yes or no because you know I can’t hear a damned thing. I can sense vibrations, like an animal on the prairie. That’s about it.

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