11:30 AM Amid rumors that he bought Lawrence Taylor's Super Bowl XXV ring in an auction, Charlie Sheen tweeted Friday: "As much as I would be honored to own such an important artifact ... I had nothing to do with the acquisition."
Just yesterday, we brought you video of Manu Ginobili killing a bat that had interrupted play in a Spurs game from this weekend. The very first commenter on the page wondered aloud, “Where’s PETA now?”, knowing full well their outraged reply would be hitting the Internets at any moment.
Lo and behold, here we are. Surprisingly, though, PETA had a reasoned, nuanced reaction that caused everybody to gain respect for their maturity in the field of animal ethics. In an op-ed posted at OPPOSINGVIEWS.COM, PETA released a statement acknowledging that the bat was causing a nuisance in an area where it never should have been in the first place, and that Ginobili’s actions, while unfortunately fatal, were a brief and expedient end to the situation.
Hahahaha, just kidding, they compared Manu to Michael Vick and basically pretended he was Satan.
I guess that another radio blitz is in order, because the NEW YORK POST is saying that the cash deal is off, and that Jefferson has even banned Nichols from the Manhattan apartment they had shared, telling the doorman not to let her in to get her belongings. Read more…
So Richard Jefferson would like to dispel rumors that he left his prospective bride at the altar, calling off their July 11 wedding with only two hours’ notice. Oh, and he’s not gay. Seriously! The Spurs’ star appeared on Dan Patrick’s radio show on Wednesday to tell his side of the story, including how he broke it off with former New Jersey Nets dancer Kesha Ni’Cole Nichols via email. That’s one sensitive move right there. What, no Twitter?
And there was also a “six-figure” payoff to the jilted bride — another sweet, time-honored gesture. But Jefferson didn’t stop with Patrick. His radio blitz also included the Howard Stern show, because when you’ve just experienced the pain of breaking up with your fiance, the first person you should turn to is the wise and caring Howard Stern. Read more…
According to the world’s foremost relationship expert (THE INTERNET), major career-changing events can wreak havoc on one’s personal relationships. According to the Holmes-Rahe Stress Scale, a “business readjustment” is the 15th most stressful life event a person undergoes, tied with sexual difficulties and gaining a new family member. Combine a couple of stressful life events at once, and a person might just crack under all that stress.
With that in mind, it’s understandable that newly-acquired San Antonio Spur Richard Jefferson might be going through a bit of stress at the moment. He’s got a new job in a new city and until last weekend was planning on adding a new family member, fiancee (and former New Jersey Nets dancer) Kesha Ni’Cole Nichols. We can’t speak to any sexual difficulties on the part of Mr. Jefferson, but the rest must have been too much stress for Jefferson to handle, because he abruptly cancelled Saturday’s $2 million NYC wedding at the last minute…without bothering to tell anyone, including his wedding guests. Oops.
Fellas, take a powder or something; this post is for the ladies. Ladies who are young, athletic, and in the greater San Antonio area, to be precise. We good? Ladies, you with me? Excellent. Now, let’s get right to it: Would you like to be a Silver Dancer for the San Antonio Spurs?
The NBA Finals kick off tonight, as the Los Angeles Lakers play host to the Orlando Magic. Of course, that really doesn’t matter for the other 28 teams whose seasons have already ended. But some players have found fun ways to spend their sooner-than-hoped offseasons. One popular choice appears to be hitting the beach with some scantily-clad cuties.
We earlier wrote how the Bulls’ Joakim Noah took to carousing in the Caribbean with a topless female companion. And now Tony Parker has taken a similar trip to his home country, as the Spurs star soaked up the sun on the French Riviera with his Desperate Housewife Eva Longoria.
Unfortunately, Eva appears to continually keep her top on. However, as you can see, there’s still plenty to peruse of Mrs. Longoria Parker:
After the first two games in Boston resulted in a 1-1 series tie, the Celtics-Bulls series felt like a truly 50-50 proposition. That’s definitely no longer the case, thanks to a 107-86 Celtics blowout that often wasn’t even that close. If there were any questions whether the reigning NBA champions would mount a credible defense after they lost game one, those concerns were answered last night, starting with a handful of Paul Pierce connections as the game tipped off, and continuing with another monstrous playoff performance from point guard Rajon Rondo.
Look, there’s no debating that rookie of the year Derrick Rose is going to be one of the league’s great players. And while he’s shown flashes of an ability to control the series at times, he’s never really been able to keep up with Rondo, who is taking the “third-year leap” concept to new heights. If Denver star Chauncey Billups is the MVP of the playoffs’ first two games, Rondo has the early lead after Game 3. Playing on a sprained ankle that was bad enough to need help from two teammates to get back to the lockerroom, Rondo still scored 20 points, hitting 8 of 15 shots and dishing out six assists while corralling 11 rebounds and finishing with five steals.
It was an impressive performance, one that was only truly outdone by Pierce, who finally decided to stamp his authority on the series as a whole. The Celtics captain scored 24 points, hitting his first six shots as Boston took firm control of a series that truly seemed to be slipping away from them. Now, instead of doubts about whether they should have trailed 2-0 heading back to Chicago, the only question is why they weren’t up 2-0 themselves, considering the fact that Pierce had a chance to win Game 1 at the free throw line himself.
Things were far different for 2007’s champion in Dallas, where the Mavericks thoroughly trounded intra-state division rival San Antonio to take a commanding 2-1 lead in the teams’ first round series. The final score was 88-67, but San Antonio trailed by nearly 40 points in the first half of a game that was practically decided by the intermission report.
Dallas may not be known for defense, but the Mavs held a San Antonio team that looked positively incapable of creating its own offense to 32 percent shooting after it hit half of its shots in the first two games. The Spurs look old, they look tired and they look as if Manu Ginobili really may have been the key to all the team’s past playoff success. Without the slashing Argentine, San Antonio looks headed for an early exit, which isn’t the kind of thing that anyone is used to in South Texas, or anywhere else for that matter.
An early exit is more than Tony Gonzalez has been able to get in Kansas City in recent years, which is precisely why he wanted to be done with the Chiefs. After months of lobbying behind the scenes, the All-Pro tight end finally got his wish yesterday afternoon, landing with the Atlanta Falcons on an offense that may be evolving into one of the league’s most dynamic.
Rather than draft Oklahoma State’s Brandon Pettigrew, the Falcons somehow found a way to land one of the greatest tight ends of all time. The real story is how they landed him for only a second round pick in next year’s draft. Yes, the 2010 draft class should be significantly deeper than this year’s, but conventional wisdom still holds that a second round draft pick in the hand is worth a third round draft pick in next year’s bush. So, the Falcons essentially just landed Tony freaking Gonzalez for a third round pick.
How could Atlanta have pulled off something no one else in the league could? It’s not hard to come up with conspiracy theories, particualrly since Atlanta GM Thomas Dimitroff worked for Kansas City’s Scott Pioli in New England. Sure, familiarity doesn’t necessarily breed bargain basement deals, but if Pioli felt he had to trade Gonzalez — and if he insisted on sending him to the NFC (which he surely did) — then why not cut a little slack on a former protege?
It’s not the first time that former New England colleagues have been accused of being in cahoots with one another, and given the spread of front office talent from the league’s most successful franchise, it almost certainly won’t be the last either. The real question is whether there were actual shennanigans involved … and whether anyone can find enough proof to make those accusations stick.
Speaking of hockey, you saw how Martin Brodeur lost his head as soon as he let a shot slip past him with just 0.2 seconds left? Well, he had it back, firmly in place for Game 5, notching an amazing 23rd career playoff shutout with 44 saves in helping the Devils take control of their series with Carolina.
No sooner did the Wizards officially hire Flip Saunders than the Kings made their coaching position available, too. Really, how long should we have expected a guy named Kenny Natt to last. So, who wants to coach a really awful team? Possibly former Wizards head man Eddie Jordan. After all, he’s got that crappy team experience.
Maybe you’ve noticed that there have been empty seats at both of New York’s brand-spanking new ballparks, Citi Field and the new Yankee Stadium. Commissioner Bud Selig has noticed, too, and he may try to gently force the teams to drop ticket prices. It’s about time, isn’t it?
However, you can now express your joy in the NBA’s second season with your own SPORTSbyBROOKS NBA playoff matchups in convenient chart form:
Eastern Conference
#1 Cleveland We’ll Be Shouting ‘BOOBIE!’ as Much as Possibles vs. #8 Detroit Ballast Jettisoners
#2 Boston Can We Borrow a Dead Guy’s Knee for KG Like We Did for Curt Schillings vs. #7 Chicago Sixteen Guards and Whaddya Gets
#3 Orlando Dwight Hasn’t Figured Out a Costume Change to Make Him a Point Guard, Toos vs. #6 Philadelphia So Glad We’re Paying Elton Brand $18 Million in 2012-2013s
#4 Atlanta Name Three Players vs. #5 Miami Name Twos
Western Conference
#1 Los Angeles Kobe Clubs Baby Seals with Portuguese Water Dogs Wrapped in Veals vs. #8 Utah Deron Williams Falls Asleep Every Night Clutching a Copy of His Tear-Stained Contract After Failing to Find an Out Clauses
#2 Denver You’ve Got to Be Kiddings vs. #7 New Orleans Seriously, Aren’t These in the Wrong Orders
#3 San Antonio Flashbacks vs. #6 Dallas Hey, At Least We Haven’t Traded for Shaq Yets (Note: the above series has been moved to CBS and the Hallmark Channel as per FCC regulations around programming for the elderly.)
#4 Portland Maybe Next Years (But Don’t Tell Joel Przybilla’s Grandma We Said So) vs. #5 Houston There’s Also a Regression Analysis to Prove Shane Battier Makes the Best Damned Mojitos in Texas
As always, it’s the gift you didn’t even have to ask for. Or didn’t want to.
Major League Baseball tried yet again yesterday to provide another round of gifts to Jackie Robinson, who has been feted nearly as often as Frank Sinatra since his death. Yesterday, every player in baseball wore number 42 in his honor to avoid the embarrassment of 42 wearer infighting last year.
Ian Kinsler followed up on this attempt with his own success: 6-6 at the plate with a cycle attached. If the opposing team last night (the Orioles) happened to be your sleeper team this year, you may want to check just how deep that sleep is.
Speaking of deep sleep, former Illinois governor (and current Illinois chew toy) Rod Blagojevich apparently didn’t feel it necessary to stop at meddling with the affairs of Tribune Co. when he didn’t get his way. He also sent a note to Cubs manager Lou Piniella to recommend a lineup change in 2007.
S’funny; we don’t remember Blago being so receptive to a lineup change at the state level earlier this year. Perhaps he isn’t a big fan of having his moves micromanaged by impotent whiners who never held the position dictating his actions from afar when they’ve never been in the trenches, y’know?
Kobe Bryantand Elmo beatboxing. Look… to misquote David Mamet, that’s why they call it ‘video’:
Congratulations on playing all 82 games this season, Grant Hill. Also, congratulations on getting your wife, Tamia, a spot at All-Star Weekend and various local charity events in Arizona. Strong season all ’round.
Now that the WALL STREET JOURNAL has a sports section, expect to see sabermetric notions exposed to a larger audience. That might explain why the guy in the cubicle next to you suddenly wants to talk about batting the pitcher eighth.
We suspect the last time an angry bear was used to sell hockey tickets involved Bruce Vilanch and the Los Angeles Kings, but this isn’t so bad, either:
Fare thee well to Merle Harmon, an itinerant broadcaster for the Milwaukee Brewers, Texas Rangers, New York Jets (during Super Bowl III), and baseball in general. He died Wednesday at age 82.
