Speed Read: Knee Surgery Sidelines Arenas Again

Agent Zero is once again aborting his mission of playing a full NBA season healthy, as Gilbert Arenas underwent knee surgery on Wednesday.

Gilbert Arenas sleeping

(Gilbert passes out from the pain?)

The Wizards star says the doctoral slicing & dicing will cause him to miss training camp, the preseason and the first part of the regular season - meaning he won’t be on court until at least December. This will be surgery #3 for Gilbert’s left knee, but you know what they say - the third time’s the charm. If anything, the recovery process should give him plenty of time to stay more current on his blog.

Mike Lowell Red Sox bent over

(The Red Sox’s rotten play on Wednesday pains Mike Lowell [L])

Mike Lowell sat out Wednesday night’s Red Sox-Rays contest due to a sore hip - or maybe he was just hip to what awaited the Beantown ballers, as Tampa Bay trounced Boston 10-3, taking a 2-game lead in the AL East. Meanwhile, the Diamondbacks slithered up to 3 1/2 games back of the Dodgers in the NL West, as Arizona got the better of the Giants, while L.A. was pummeled by the Pirates.

The rest of the MLB playoff picture made little change from yesterday - the Mets, Phillies & Brewers all won to keep the NL East & NL wild card chases the same status quo, while the White Sox & Twins both tumbled to keep the AL Central centered on a 2 1/2 game separation.

It seemed strange that Louisville & Kansas State faced off on ESPN on a Wednesday night. Rather than the usual Thursday night college football coverage, the Cardinals & Wildcats clawed it out in a TV slot usually reserved for a matchup between MAC schools (Ball State-Eastern Michigan, anyone?). So, why the weird Wednesday scheduling?

Louisville Cardinals Caddyshack gopher

All was explained when Mike Tirico paid a mid-game visit to the broadcast booth at Papa John’s Cardinal Stadium -  the move was made to help the Worldwide Leader further promote their Ryder Cup coverage. ESPN is set to televise Thursday’s Opening Ceremonies and will continue Cup coverage through the weekend. And where’s this year’s Ryder tourney? The Valhalla Golf Club, right in Louisville, Kentucky. Now that’s what I call corporate synergy!

Oh, and the Cards KO’ed K-State 38-29. Schools from the Sunflower State probably should stop scheduling Big East opponents and stick with Sam Houston State.

And now on to more pressing matters:

Michelle Wie

• The RIVERSIDE (CA) PRESS-ENTERPRISE tees up news that Michelle Wie is doing quite well at Q-School, as the teen swinger is currently holding second place in the LPGA qualifying tournament.

• MLB.COM learns that Manny Ramirez won’t let Joe Torre give him the day off, as the Dodgers outfielder dutifully declares, “I’m Cal Ripken!

• NATIONAL PUBLIC RADIO hears that Roger Goodell is worried the NFL won’t make hundreds of billions of dollars this year, but only tens of billions.

• Kansas Jayhawks QB Todd Reesing needs a better press agent, as even reporters from the LAWRENCE WORLD-JOURNAL don’t recognize the local star signal-caller.

• BUGS & CRANKS gets a sneak peek at the 2009 MLB schedule. The Yankees & Mets will be opening their brand-new ballparks against their storied foes - the Indians & Padres?!?!

• WISN-TV motors up news that Wisconsin Badgers LB Jonathan Casillas is facing charges of drunk driving - while riding a moped.

Jake Miller of the DAILY PRINCETONIAN tells all about his summer internship at ESPN. And his greatest moment in Bristol?  Holding the door for Erin Andrews.

• The ARIZONA REPUBLIC lays down the law, as the small town of Guadalupe may soon be without a police force. Where’s Clint Eastwood when you need him?

• The MIAMI HERALD splashes up the story of one local high schooler who swam for Suriname in the Beijing Olympics.

• The ASSOCIATED PRESS passes along the revelation that when Tony Romo plays at Green Bay this weekend, the Wisconsin-bred QB will be stepping onto the frozen tundra of Lambeau Field for only the third time in his life.

In honor of Jeff Pearlman’s new book on those crazy Dallas Cowboys, we present our pertinent poll of the day:

Which would be the scariest situation to find yourself in?

View Results

Cowboys-Eagles Highest-Rated Cable Program Eva

• How great was Monday night’s NFL showdown between the Cowboys & Eagles? Great enough to be the most-watched cable TV program ever!

Jessica Simpson

Only gratuitous in-game shots of Jessica Simpson could have raised higher ratings - among other things.

• Let’s see if we can figure out this whole MLB postseason mess.

• Meanwhile, how can Major League Baseball keep children from using steroids? By reviving that old standby - “Just Say No!”

• It seems the Mets & Brewers are more concerned about making tee times than making the playoffs.

Read more…

Volunteer For Ryder Cup, Don’t Forget Checkbook

Apparently, the PGA of America, the outfit that hosts the Ryder Cup, isn’t clear on the definition of “volunteer.” For most of us, it means to take part in a task without being paid. It’s pretty simple, really.

Ryder Cup volunteers

Unless you’re one of the PGA brainiacs who got the bright idea to make a few extra bucks on the backs of the thousands of people who offer their time to make sure the tournament runs smoothly. No, not the golfers, but the old-timers who hold up the “Quiet Please” signs, and make sure fans don’t storm the port-a-johns while players are shaking off their Cooleys. Yep, that’s right, volunteer doesn’t mean what you think it means.

Read more…

Can US Ryder Cup Team Win One For The Tiger?

Publicly, Tiger Woods is saying there is no chance he will be attending this weekend’s Ryder Cup matches in Kentucky, even as a spectator. The DAILY TELEGRAPH is reporting that Woods might be planning a surprise appearance to give a speech and fire the team up. The question I have is simple: Why would that matter?

Ryder Cup team

Last time I checked, Tiger was on the last Ryder Cup team, the one that was blown out by the same record margin as the team in 2002. Hey, Tiger was on that team too? I thought he never lost, ever. If having him actually play last time (and earn a third of the team’s points) wasn’t enough, how much of a difference is him giving a “rah-rah” speech going to make?

Read more…

Tiger Shows Grit, Heart By Knocking Up Elin Again

Remember early in 2008, when Tiger Woods decided to play a limited early-season schedule and skipped most of the PGA Tour stops ahead of the Masters? While he might have been resting his ailing knee, he apparently was also doing what most of us would have done in his situation: having sex with his Swedish model wife.

Elin Nordgren

At least, that’s how the math works out after Woods announced on his Web site that he and Elin Nordegren were expecting their second child sometime this winter. (No firm date has been given yet: presumably he’s waiting for his caddy Steve Williams to consult his book before making a decision.)

Read more…

NHL Panthers On The Prowl For New Cheerleaders

• The Florida Panthers are on the prowl for some new Ice Dancers.

Florida Panthers Ice Dancers cheerleaders

• A minor league hockey player scores a hat trick of rude behavior on a flight, and gets a 527,040-minute penalty.

• If the Rays win the World Series, free pizza for the whole wide world!

• A trio of Cubs fans brutally beat a fan of a rival team. This is not a repeat.

• This is the only way people will pay attention to a Pirates game: West Virginia basketball players in the stands fighting with police.

Read more…

Golfer Takes Swing at Ryder Cup, Calls It ‘Slavery’

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:

Memo to all people everywhere: STOP USING RACIALLY INDICATIVE TERMS TO TALK ABOUT SPORTS.

Hunter Mahan

Golfer Hunter Mahan is latest moron to incite a term that relates to racism for the purpose of describing something in the sports world. THE SPORTING LIFE reads up on Mahan’s recent interview with GOLF MAGAZINE, where among other stupid things, the swinger says that playing for the Ryder Cup is like being “a slave that week.”

Read more…

Faldo Recruits Maiden Drummer To Help With Irons

I wouldn’t believe it if I hadn’t read it myself: The SUN (UK) reports that European Ryder Cup team captain Nick Faldo is bringing in Iron Maiden drummer (and golf nut) Nicko McBrain to “help motivate the team.”

Eddie and Nick Faldo

The SUN’S Gordon Smart apparently caught Faldo mentioning it during his work commentating on the British Open for the BBC.

Read more…