Week In Review: Bynum Lifting Playboy Bunnies

• Need to speed up the rehab on your sore knee? Why not try the Andrew Bynum method of Playboy Playmate lifting?

Or if that doesn’t work, try Andrew’s patented Playboy hula hoop workout.

• If you had Jessica Michibata as your girlfriend, you’d race right to her after an Australian Grand Prix win, too.

• The Dallas cop who kept Ryan Moats at bay while his mother-in-law passed away really likes his work. Too bad he no longer has any.

• If you’re going to pose for pictures while partying at a Croatian club, don’t forget you have a game tomorrow.

• Posing with three hotties, Blake Griffin knows he’s number 1!

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Playboy Offers Ex-Cowboys Cheerleader $500,000

Melissa Rycroft, former Cowboys cheerleader & budding ABC reality TV star, is offered a chance to take off her “Dancing” dress for Playboy.

Melissa Rycroft

• The Broncos are finally cutting themselves from Jay Cutler. Any takers?

Mike Danton, the ex-NHLer jailed for planning to kill his agent, is transferred to Canada, where he’s already up for full parole.

Reggie Jackson remembers Billy Martin telling an anti-Semitic joke.

• Three Oregon Ducks caught shooting other ducks in a city park. Traitors!

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Dallas PD Officer In Moats Traffic Stop Resigns

Good news, we suppose, coming from the DALLAS MORNING NEWS today, as Robert Powell, the guy who may have misinterpreted the situation a skosh when he detained Ryan Moats in a hospital parking lot while Moats’ mother-in-law passed away inside, has resigned over the incident. That’s “resigned,” as in quit, not “re-signed,” as in got a contract extension. The only people who do that for the incompetent are the Knicks.

Officer Robert Powell Tattoo From His Myspace Page
(What was once a bad tattoo is now… an insanely bad tattoo.)

Powell’s resignation comes amid increased scrutiny of his actions, which include detaining Zach Thomas‘ wife for five hours over an illegal U-turn and bragging about fighting with a suspect while her 7-year old daughter watched. In other words, some time out of the spotlight is probably exactly what Powell’s looking for.

We’ll give him credit for one thing, though; the contrition in his written statement appears genuine. Read more…

Cop Who Harassed NFLer REALLY Likes His Job

The Wiz tipped me today to the Myspace page of Dallas Police Officer Robert Powell. He’s the guy who was last seen harassing NFLer Ryan Moats and wife Tamishia as they attempted to visit a dying relative in the hospital.

Officer Robert Powell Tattoo From His Myspace Page

(That’s it. I’m finally splurging on SbB neck ink)

From his behavior on the traffic stop video, I think it’s safe to assume that Mr. Powell might take his job a little too seriously.

His Myspace profile photo (above) might also give one that impression.

While the Myspace account is private, Powell does have a now-abandoned Xanga.com personal account that provides us with possible foreshadowing of last week’s shakedown. Read more…

Zach Thomas’ Wife Knows Ryan Moats’ Cop Well

NFL player Zach Thomas’ wife, Maritza Thomas, must have had a deja vu moment when she saw the story of Texans RB Ryan Moats and the abuse he took on his way to see his dying mother-in-law.  That’s because the same cop that stopped Moats once jailed her for three hours and issued five tickets for an illegal U-turn.

Zach Thomas blow up doll

(Artist’s rendering of Zach Thomas’ reaction to his wife’s jailing)

The heinous acts (besides the U-turn) that caused five tickets to be issued last July included an incorrect address on a driver’s license and missing a registration sticker on her windshield.  For this, she spent approximately five hours in police custody and then had four of the citations waived in court.

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Dallas PD Is ‘Sorry’ They Treated Moats Like Sh-t

Recall if you will (and it’s pretty difficult to forget) the flagrant mistreatment of Houston Texans tailback Ryan Moats by Robert Powell, an officer with the Dallas Police Department. Just because it bears repeating, Moats and his wife were held at gunpoint by Powell after Moats rolled through a red light after stopping and checking for traffic, then pulled into the hospital two blocks away instead of stopping immediately for Powell. Moats was then detained and lectured in a cruelly authoritarian manner by Powell outside the hospital as his mother-in-law passed away.

Ryan Moats police video
(Oh, and pointing a gun at Moats’ wife, at right, wasn’t a good move either.)

As the story has caught the nation’s attention, the Dallas PD has decided to run some damage control, issuing a public apology to Moats and placing Powell on a paid suspension (it’s like a vacation, but instead of going to a beach, you worry). And yet we can’t help but wonder if there’d be any publicity, suspension, apology or anything if Moats wasn’t a professional athlete.

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Video: Cop Blocks NFL Player From Dying Relative

Have you ever been pulled over by a cop who says something to the effect of “you better have a good reason for doing what you just did”? Well, Texans running back Ryan Moats had a pretty good reason, but that didn’t seem to phase a Dallas police officer Robert Powell, who’s might be just about the biggest jerk in the world.

Ryan Moats police video

Moats, his wife Tamishia, and two other family members had received news that Tamishia’s mother Jonetta Collinsworth was within minutes of death from cancer, and that they needed to rush to the hospital immediately if they wanted to see her one last time. So they all piled in Moats’ SUV and raced to the hospital in Plano. Moats drove with his hazards on, and went through a red light when another motorist waved him along. That’s when Powell started following them, and what happened next doesn’t exactly help to dispel the notion that officers are too often all about being on a power trip rather than doing what’s in the best interest of the people.

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Speed Read: Unholy Isiah Thomas/Clippers Union

I’ll be blunt: End Times may be upon us. Sources have told ESPN.COM that the Clippers have had discussions with Isiah Thomas about bringing him into their front office. While the two sides have apparently only had “informal yet substantive” conversations, the thought of arguably the worst executive in NBA history joining forces with perhaps the most sad-sack franchise in all of pro sports should be enough to make anyone tremble in fear.

Isiah Thomas, Clippers and the Rapture

(A sign of things to come?)

One source within the Clippers organization (in between bouts of crying and failed suicide attempts, I’m sure) said that the discussion of bringing Thomas or Randy Pfund into the front office to “help” Mike Dunleavy is just “a smoke screen to defray the criticism of the franchise” about the lawsuit filed by former GM Elgin Baylor. I don’t know if that’s true or not; what I do know is that even throwing the idea of Thomas and the Clippers linking up is tempting fate.

Mike Dunleavy

(Why is this man smiling? Seriously, help me here - I have no idea.)

Because make no mistake, this is bad news on an apocalyptic scale - the Staples Center area might be turned into a giant vortex of suckage that it would collapse into itself, taking the majority of downtown LA with it. Those little yippy dogs that celebs like Paris Hilton carry in their purses would turn into blood-thirsty savages. Hollywood Boulevard might become a river of molten lava, carrying away the homeless and Japanese tourists there to see “Grease” starring Taylor Hicks to a fiery death.

I’m sure as hell leaving at once if this happens, and I’m bringing enough cyanide pills for the family in case we don’t get out in time. Perhaps I’m being a bit too panicky, but you have to plan for these things: I just have a feeling that more than the Clippers’ salary cap is going to explode if Isiah Thomas joins the Clippers.

Also making plans: NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell, who is significantly more together than either Thomas or the Clippers. His latest plan, according to USA TODAY: expanding the regular season to 17 or 18 games, and eliminating one or two preseason games in the process. Imagine that…actually trying to give fans more meaningful games and eliminate season-ticket holders having to pay for lousy games featuring star players for one series and then a bunch of scrubs for the remainder of the game.

Of course, the union hasn’t approved the plan yet, and they are sure to not be pleased about their players having to play two more competitive games a season. (And if there’s an 18-game season, you can pretty much wipe out things like a 1,000-yard season as being any sort of benchmark for success.) And is certainly interesting that the league would consider putting the players through more wear and tear a day after announcing new rules to “protect” them.

Of course, Goodell has other things on his mind, like the fact that he might need to rule on Michael Vick’s status sooner rather than later. Vick left a federal prison yesterday for a bankruptcy hearing in Virginia, but the day was hardly successful. The AP reports that U.S. Department of Labor has filed complaints accusing Vick of illegally spending about $1.3 million in pension funds from one of his companies for personal reasons, including paying restitution in his dog fighting case.

This should close any debate about who the stupidest person in America is. I wonder if the Clippers have room on their staff for him?

Some other sports news from last night that you might have missed if you were in Brussels waiting in line to use the restroom…and waiting…and waiting…

  • Our economy might be going down a drain, but that doesn’t mean we as Americans are too broke to engage in the American Dream: going to a baseball game and eating a hamburger the size of a kitten. The GRAND RAPIDS PRESS reports that the West Michigan Whitecaps will be debuting The Fifth Third Burger, a 4,800-calorie, four-pound behemoth that includes a one-pound bun, five patties and five slices of cheese. And a cup of chili for good measure.
  • The Fifth Third Burger

  • BALL DON’T LIE salutes Wizards forward Dominic McGuire, who scored on a dunk last night to break a streak of 116 minutes played without a point.
  • Los Angeles TV and radio personality John Ireland made a hasty bet with James Worthy: if his UCLA Bruins didn’t advance as far as Worthy’s North Carolina Tar Heels in the NCAA Tournament, Ireland would sing the UNC fight song on TV. Bad idea, after the Bruins tanked against Villanova. Here are the unfortunate results - it’s like the drunk guy at karaoke who gets pressured into singing by his friends and spends his whole time on stage planning ways to kill them.
  • YAHOO! SPORTS takes promoter Bob Arum to task for encouraging American fans to attend a fight card in Tijuana this weekend, despite the U.S. government’s warning on travel. Something about armed drug violence turning into a civil war. Bob, I think I’ll catch it on TV instead.
  • Scary stuff for Olympic gymnastic hero Shawn Johnson: NEWSDAY reports that a nutjob armed with two guns and duct tape tried to break into the set of “Dancing with the Stars” and “get to” Johnson and her dancing partner. To be fair, if she wasn’t interested in him, she shouldn’t have been sending subliminal messages to him through the TV and through ESP. Women.
  • Of all the things I would think to impersonate in a scam, a youth soccer referee wouldn’t be one of them. But DIRTY TACKLE says that’s just what some fake ref did in Northern Ireland, convincing three teams to give him a “match fee” before games he never reffed.
  • Apparently the NHL doesn’t like it when a goaltender pushes a referee and then shoots a puck at him: the TORONTO GLOBE AND MAIL says that Martin Gerber of the Toronto Maple Leafs has been suspended three games after going nuts Tuesday against the Washington Captials.
  • The Boston Celtics death spiral continues as the BOSTON GLOBE reports the Magic beat them 84-82 to edge closer to the No. 2 seed in the Eastern Conference. Is it too late to give last year’s MVP to Kevin Garnett since we know now just how much he means to this team?
  • I think it’s fair to say that the Dallas police officer who stopped Houston Texans RB Ryan Moats from being at his dying mother-in-law’s bedside - at the hospital parking lot, over a red light - should not just be suspended or fired, but drawn and quartered. SPORTS RUBBISH has the awful, infuriating details.
  • For some players, spring training is a chance to get in shape; for others, it’s a chance to hit the free buffet in the locker room every day. THE LOVE OF SPORTS looks at the Top 10 Overweight Baseball Players. Maybe they’ll win a free Fifth Third Burger for making it on the list?

Who was the worst former player turned sports executive?

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