NBA players’ infallible ability to find the closest Cheesecake Factory in any city has been well-documented.  However, it would appear no NBA player could make it all the way to that carb-loaded dinner without the second-most important meal of the day: bagels delivered by a rookie.

All over the league (even in areas not exactly noted for their bagel quality), rooks better bring the cream cheese and curved bread or else find their rides also carb-loaded. Do not mess with a tall man’s Everything bagel or else you’ll end up hiring Dontario Kane to find the culprits of car-based vandalism.

(Just a few more months, son… hang in there)

This isn’t the worst rookie hazing on record, by far.  The SALT LAKE TRIBUNE points out some of the NBA’s great youth labor abuses over time:

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It’s been a long season for the San Diego Padres, and with only 9 games left on the schedule, I’m sure the players are pretty happy they’ll soon be able to put 2008 behind them. Though, considering the amount of rookie call-ups the Padres have made in September, there are probably quite a few guys on the team that wish the season could go on a few weeks longer, because it might be the last time they ever see the big leagues.

(This is why Hooters never succeeded in San Francisco)

Well, thankfully there are always veterans around to make those rookies wish they never left Triple-A.

Yes, those are Padres rookies dressed as Hooters Girls. Don’t they look amazing?

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